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Would you consider his magic number high for his age?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2010) 14 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Is 22 sexual partners for a 27 year old male a lot?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

The average number in the USA is in the single digits.

This question has been studied many times in different eras and locations and the number does not change very much. Less than 10 is normal, therefore 27 is not normal.

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A male reader, Nithyanala Indonesia +, writes (3 December 2010):

Nithyanala agony auntIt's not a small number by any means. But has he notched up this number through cheating on relationships in the past? If so, that's a red flag. If it's more a case of 'sown his wild oats while young' - a number of partners in a short period followed by more stable behaviour, it might not be so worrying. How he treats you now is probably the most important thing. And don't forget that 22 is likely to be an exaggeration.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

it all depends on how you feel about it its all a matter of opinion. i don't think so, my bfs number is 47 lol and it doesnt bother me it just made him more experienced for me

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (3 December 2010):

CindyCares agony auntYes.That's roughly a new girl every 6 months over ten years . It means that he never had a relationship lasting more than few months ( or he did... but he was not being faithful ).Which on turn would make me think he is fickle, superficial, or maybe so unbearable that all women dump him !

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A female reader, Miss.Knowitall Canada +, writes (3 December 2010):

Miss.Knowitall agony auntDepends when did he first get sexually active? I mean it would be a different answer weather he started having sex when he was 16 to if he was when he was 20.

If he was 16 it might have been like 2 per year witch if before he never had a serious relationship. I don't think it is really that bad.

But if he was like 20 and having like 10 partners per year .... I would say it was high.

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (3 December 2010):

charliesdevil73 agony auntDoes the past matter? Why should it matter who he's been with before? he has you now. My "magic number" is higher than my man's. We haven't said our numbers out loud, but based on our comments about it, I'm way higher and i think he knows. But, does he care? No. He would prefer I don't discuss past relationships in that way because we are together now, not any of the past people.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

I'll get back to you in seven years' time, if you remind me. I might need to slow down a little in the interim, dress more modestly or join the Army.

Seriously - yes, it probably is more than the average, but so much depends on factors like how attractive he is and how many offers he gets. In addition to Odds' brilliantly accurate reply, quite a few aunts'n'uncles on DC have pointed out that there is a very unequal distribution of sexual 'success' among men in the straight dating-and-mating game: to be blunt, the 5-10-15% of men with that magical X-Factor get (or CAN get, if they want to) incredible amounts of women wishing to sleep with them, while the rest have to work VERY hard for any female attention.

If we accept (as a general truth) a reality that seems to be pretty evident everywhere you look - that the sexual selection process has come full circle in modern Western societies to the point where, basically, women choose their male sexual partners rather than vice versa, and it's then up to the male to say yea or nay - it then doesn't seem too implausible that a very good-looking man of 27, beseiged with offers from attractive girls, would quite easily have racked up 22 sexual partners in a decade without needing to have been all that promiscuous in his behaviour or non-selective about the women he slept with. And he'll be admired for it among his peers, back-slapped, high-fived, seen as 'go man go, you're the man!' The reverse doesn't always apply: a girl would think twice about admitting to 22 sexual partners, even if she's had that many or more (There is also ample testimony that men frequently claim to have had more sexual partners than they've actually had, while women are known to do the opposite, or say 'oh he didn't really count and neither did he' perhaps because they're judged less favourably for doing it.)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

It depends upon who you talk to. By some counts it would be an amazing number, and by others it would be chump change. Some guys have that many partners in a year, others never will.

I've had 3, and I'm nearly twice his age. So that makes him a real superhero.

But, one of them I've had for nearly 20 years. So that makes me a real superhero.

Firstly, the larger the number of partners, the higher the STD risk and HIV in particular needs to be a concern, so both of you should get tested (it sometimes only takes 1 partner to get infected).

But, if you are looking for Long Term Relationship Material, there is another concern.

Honestly, the real problem you need to look at is whether he has the capability of managing a long term relationship. He's had 2 partners average annually each year since becoming sexually active. That is hardly long enough to really get to know and develop a relationship. So, why is that? What does that mean for you and him?

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (3 December 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntIn my opinion, no. Why are you inquiring about his sexual past? All that should matter is you.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (3 December 2010):

Odds agony auntMSNBC says the average man sleeps with 20 women in his life (the study does not take "lying your ass off" into account). This figure is deceiving because the median is seven - median would be a better indicator in this case; if you have ten guys, nine sleep with no one and one sleeps with one hundred girls, the average is ten, and the median is zero.

I could not find a figure for the standard deviation - which would be of only limited utility anyway since number of sex partners does not follow a nice, neat normal curve - but I imagine his count is more than one, possibly more than two standard deviations above the median (meaning he's slept with more women than around 95% of guys out there).

So, it's high in the sense that it is noticably above average. Either he's got serious game or very low standards - or both.

Subjectively, I suspect you're asking because you've started dating a guy with those numbers and are worried about it. My belief is that promiscuity is habit-forming, and he will have a difficult time settling for any one woman. Certainly, it's possible, but it will only happen if it's something he wants on his own, and there is little you can do to influence that.

Be wary of being used, but if he makes you happy and you have reason to believe he's settled down, that's your call. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

Think of it this way, it's roughly 2 a year since he became sexually active.

In my opinion that's not that high.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (3 December 2010):

TasteofIndia agony auntWell, I can't say if it's "high" or not. But I will assure you that when I started dating my husband, he was 23 with 24 people on his list already (now he's got 25 - me - and he's 28). I thought that was a lot until I started to hear about other guys lists.... then I felt a lot better.

It really depends on who is asking as to whether or not that number is high, I guess. To these guys, it's chump change!

http://www.puatraining.com/puablog/2010/11/10-greatest-womanizers-history

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A female reader, sarahlynn United States +, writes (2 December 2010):

sarahlynn agony auntIt really depends. There is no right answer. I know alot of 22-26 year old men whose number are 20 times higher than that! Some men/women will sleep with anybody and some men/women are more reserved. Why do you ask?

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (2 December 2010):

Danielepew agony auntIn whose opinion?

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