A
female
age
51-59,
*hinachik
writes:I met a really cool guy online in Sept. and he lives far away. It was going really well, and then I dated someone else I met a little later who lived closer. I felt guilty as I didn't love the second guy, and when we were intimate, I called him by the wrong name- and we stopped seeing each other.In the meantime the other guy began backing off (I think because I was feeling guilty? not sure) but I realised I was falling for him and he is constantly on my mind. Then last week, I finally told him I had dated, and accusd him of seeing other women- I don't know why i did this and regret saying anything. Now he wont reply to any of my mails (we used to chat nearly everyday/ every other day) I sent him a few mails to apologise and to tell him how I felt about him, but he hasn't read them, and wont answer. Its been 10days now, and I know I have to leave and not send him anymore emails as I sound stupid. Each day that goes by, its getting harder, and I still hope that he will write back to me. Do you think I still have a chance after I give him some time? or do i move on? bearing in mind, my heart's not in it anymore, as I know I stuffed up something really special there.I',m really mixed up and confused so I hope someone can help me? thanks :)
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female
reader, chinachik +, writes (15 December 2009):
chinachik is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again, for all your kind advice. Just to let you know that he finally got back in touch :) I am so glad I had the chance to tell him the truth and feel so much better for it even though it felt like i was doing the wrong thing at the time. Open, honest communication is a gift at the end of the day and I am so happy that even though I'm not perfect and will make mistakes like everyone- there is still hope and a chance for me. If it were not for the sound and good advice from you all, I doubt that I would have had this opportunity- so to say thank you is an understatement.
Good luck to us all! x
A
female
reader, chinachik +, writes (9 December 2009):
chinachik is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the fatherly advice, I can see now what happened and am absolutley mortified that I acted like this and am so ashamed of my behaviour and made me cry.
I can see that it was ego driven and it breaks my heart to think I am capable of this behaviour let alone hurt both of them the way I did.
You are right, forgiving myself is something I should do, but will take time. Really cannot express my apreciation to you as it has really driven home. I can only hope and pray that I will get over this and be able to move on.
I am indebted to you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (9 December 2009):
 Wow that is quite a hurtful thing you did to two guys. You are not the first, and won't be the last. It is rare indeed for a guy in such a young relationship to be able to forgive you for this. If he is prideful at all he may never forgive you. Or he may forgive you but not be interested in a relationship with you now. He would need a lot of motivation to trust you any time soon.
He is Hurt, and off licking his wounds. Hopefully not doing something rash as revenge. Give him time and space. Don't pester him.
In the mean time you need to forgive yourself. This is often harder to do than forgiving others. Some people state that they feel they can't trust themselves not to repeat the harm to another person. Is that why you say your heart's not in it? You need to do this in order to move on or to get him back.
FA
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