A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:me and my wife have been maried for almost 10 years now. Our relationship is great and the sex is wonderful. About 5 years ago we had a threesome with a close friend of ours. It happened twice and was great for all three of us. The problem is I would love to do it again with the same female and my wife. I have asked my wife and she says she is ok with it but will not ask the friend if she is willing. Is my wife leading me on or is there another problem?
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I think there are always complications, and few women are truly comfortable with the idea, due to jealousy etc.
Why would you want to bring somebody else into the marriage?
I can possibly understand it if you are younger and not been together long etc. As a form of curiosity.
I saw a TV programme to do with this. One girl lost her job because the bos saw the TV programme and didn't see it appropriate etc. Others were just lacking peace of mind.
Marriage is marriage, so why share? There cannot be a buzz in a loving relationship along these lines.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Hi,
If she is into it then fine i guess, consenting adults and all that.
But there sounds a little more to it than that. I think you run the risk of your partner thinking that maybe you are missing something from her.
Have you thought about inviting a man into your bed to service your wife - after all what's good for the goose...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Never having had a threesome, I might not be the best authority on this question.
This did bring to mind a couple of ideas/concerns. Here they go in no particular order.
First, 'great for all three of us.' 'Great' meaning everyone orgasmed and was physically satiated and completely at ease with the threesome vs. 'Great' meaning she survived the experience but maybe doesn't really want to do it again even though everyone reached climax. And even though it happened twice. It was five years ago, has she brought it up as something she wants to do again? Or is this your idea?
Close friend, hmm, what if the close friend is someone she is a bit jealous of, for looks, sexiness, desirability, whatever. Why on earth would she want to bring a potential rival into a marriage? What if you fall for this woman and decide you'd really rather be with her instead of your wife?
Maybe you're secretly hoping that you can enjoy this other woman outside your marriage?
I'm not saying that's what's going on in your head, I'm just proposing what may be running round your wife's brain, her worries about this.
And here you are, asking her to bring this woman back into the intimacy you share with your wife. Hmmmm, I might be a bit concerned about this.
There's a difference being 'ok' with it and wholeheartedly embracing the idea and running with it. The fact that she's not going to ask the close female friend might be a sign that she's really not okay with it. She might have had the threesome in the first place, hoping it would satisfy a fantasy for you but really being into it herself.
I think the only wise thing to do at this point is to have a really good talk with your wife about the past threesome and your plans for the future one. And be prepared to listen and understand her side of things.
I'm not judging the threesome, by the way, I just think that if your wife really wanted this to happen, the planning would already be underway for this, and as you're here asking this question, I rather think she's not really okay with it.
Many women do things they really don't want to do, just to keep their man 'satisfied' and in the relationship. Please don't push anything on your wife unless you know she's really okay with it...
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A
female
reader, IamLily  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I think your threesome is not good. Why would your wife tolerate another women in her husband's life. Would you like her to sleep with some of your male friend? Even if you agree, how many friends and how far would you approve it.
You better find happiness among two. Else it is going to create much trouble so me day.
Recommended reading: http://www.howtowin.in/free-books/how-to-win-heart-of-your-wife/Chapter-02-wives-big-hearts-smal-dreams.html
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