A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have a friend of 11 years and he hates my wife. I've stayed with her by my side through a recent argument we are having which has ended up with me not seeing my buddy for a few weeks, maybe even a month already. he's written back to me online that he wants peace with me and misses me back, but has decided that he can't say anything to her without it being mean. For me it's always been weird because i'm not really a mans man, sports bore me and strip clubs don't really do anything for me, i mostly write music and go to my job 6 days a week, most of the things i like to do are very unisex. He mostly just wants time alone with me. I'm thinking if i give into that, maybe one day he'll at least date someone as well and then finally maybe he'd understand anything i'm going through with my wife (he's never really dated anyone, and is 24 just like me). I'm asking two questions for the guys out there:1. Have you any advice due to similar events on what to do with an old friend that hates your wife but you can't really take out of your life?2. Anybody done this while waiting for friend to come around one day? Will he ever make peace with my wife regardless of his pledge of "I'm not changing" Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): I agree with Frank on this. Good advice. Sounds like your friend need some 'educating' on the meaning of marriage. It means to be united as one and to establish a new family unit, separate from friends and the families of origin. Anyone who goes over the line and disrespects one's wife...is disrespecting you. In order for your marriage to be happy and successful, your wife and her feelings and the way she is treated, slandered, talked about... must take priority over your friends. If this friend refuses to be decent to her, then he is no longer your friend. If he doesn't want to make changes and meet her halfway, then he is being a crappy friend to you and is insulting your marriage. Plain and simple. Your job as a married man is to continually police your family borders and ensure that no one, treats your wife with such disdain. Better start doing that before children are born into this union. This friend sounds like a person who has difficulty forgiving...why is he that important to you? She definitely take priority.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 I went through something similar...turns out the friend was gay and interested in me. Your priority is your wife, future mother of your children. Not your friend. Don't you see it?
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (16 October 2007):
 I totally agree with flower girl! It sure sounds like your friend of 11 years is jealous of your wife for taking his friend away from him. And that fact that he has no one for himself, he is jealous of your relationship with your wife. That is not fair to you for your friend to act like that. It's time for him to grow up, he's not in high school any more!
If you want your friend to make amends with your wife, pray about it. Prayer works.
God Bless
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (16 October 2007):
Marriage often breaks up single friendships. You just have to tell him you are a couple now and he needs to make the effort to get used to it. Hating your wife is not an acceptable position for him to take.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Have you considered the possibility that he does not actually hate your wife, he could just be jealous of her for many different reasons that spring to mind, like he has not got anyone himself and he is jealous of the fact you do, or maybe he harbours some feelings for you if you know what i mean.
You really need to talk to him about it and find out what the problem is and just let him know that you and your wife come as a package.
Take care.xx.
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