A
female
age
41-50,
*wtmoscato
writes:Well after one year of hanging out with him, I expressed that I didn't want to be a "booty-call/fwb/F-buddy", that after all this time my emotions were involved. Here is the exact text I sent him ... "After 1year of this with you my emotions are involved AND I want AND deserve more! We have amazing chemistry AND I enjoy our time together, but it sucks when I only hear from you every couple of weeks ya know? I do care for you AND that's why I need to tell you this cause it's not cool ... It hurts my feelings. We used to send texts AND have conversations, but now its just to get together AND I don't like it ... When you leave I feel cheap AND I blame myself cause I allowed it. When we first met, I told my sis I have a good feeling ... We met for good reason AND I immediately felt comfortable with you. I'm not gonna lie ... This hurts a lot cause if this isn't going somewhere then I have to do what's best for me."He replied ... "I'm so sorry I put you in this situation. I'm so sorry you feel this way ... I just came out of a relationship and I'm not ready for a new one. Maybe it's better if we went our separate way. Sorry"I replied with "Is that what you want? I guess you do ... Good bye"After a couple days I realized I was pretty harsh, so I sent this ... " Hi ... First off I want you to know I dont blame you for what I feel, I take responsibility for my choices in this. My intention w/ you was to open communication to see where we were after a year. I wasnt implying marriage but at least treated like a woman AND went out once in a while. To me it wasnt "F-buddy" status at all! I was just shocked w/ your "separate ways" reply cause it showed me that you saw me as disposable, that after 1yr I didnt matter other than sex. Is that how you saw me?" He called AND we talked! He said he doesnt know why he said that we should "separate", he apologized. I asked where do we go from here AND he said we stop doing what we've been doing, we start all over. I asked how we do that AND he said we talk. So, what do you Y'all think ... Done or maybe not???
View related questions:
booty call, cheap, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Swtmoscato +, writes (17 August 2012):
Swtmoscato is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Honey Pie - I realized I came across as putting blane on him & thats why I sent 2nd text. I didnt know if I would get any reply from him, so his call back was nice cause it showed he cared to some extent. I dont know where were going from here, but I do know there will be NOmore sex ... My skirt is staying on!
I want to believe this past yr wasnt a waste, but either way I had to regain my self-respect, so if anything comes from this latest, its that!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 August 2012):
 I don't think this guy wants a relationship with you outside of the sheets.
If he did, he would call you and ask you out for dinner, a movie.. you know.. a date.
I think you did the right thing is saying goodbye the first time and I don't think you should have texted that whole;" I'm sorry I said how I felt text". I think he will just take it as you will do whatever to keep him in your life, even if that is a fwb type situations.
And I agree with the anon female who wrote that YOU need to take responsibility for you own actions. He didn't FORCE you to see him, he actions clearly show that he didn't offer anything then sex and some texting. You took it. Hoping/ wishing he would REALIZE that he had this amazing girl RIGHT THERE! And he didn't. You were already putting out, so why should he put more of an effort into it? THAT is on you. honey. You can blame him all you want, but you are equally responsible for the fwb situation.
If you are serious about him and he is serious about you. Stop the sex for a while and get to ACTUALLY know each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, Swtmoscato +, writes (16 August 2012):
Swtmoscato is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for replying to my current situation with such honesty ... I greatly appreciate it!
I just feel that at this point, if he's not willing to loose me, he'll prove himself to me if he was sincere about starting over and if not then I can't ignore those signs for sure. I will not be initiating anymore contact w/ him b/c I feel that I have expressed myself, as brutal as it was, as honesly & open as I could. I needed to change this routine, as awesome as the sex is ... Chemistry is hard to ignore!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2012):
 DONE... he slots you as a FWB only... if he didn't he would have made his move a year ago...
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Swtmoscato: How ironic.... from your submittal, you ALMOST got to where you needed to be (dumping this guy!).... but, it's like you hooked a fish, then dropped it as you were pulling it aboard.....
In your case, YOU said (to him) that you weren't happy and felt that parting ways was your alternative... HE said, (figuratively) "I understand.... AND you've called me on my roguish behaviour... AND, like most guys, I'm prepared to run away from that girl who recognized and "called me" on that roguish behaviour...."
THEN, you wrote him again (unsolicited, I take it...) and opened up the incident again... AND gave him an opportunity to spout off all those platitudes that we guys use to lure you girls BACK IN to the "booty-call/fwb/F-buddy" arrangement.... AND YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE FALLING FOR IT!!!
For Heaven's sake, lady, figure out that this guy has only his pen*s to offer you... nothing more, from what I see in your submittal..... and you are asking if you should be gullible enough to fall in to the trap again... NO!!!
Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Wait, was he dating someone while you were booty call? He said he "just came out of a relationship."
He knows you well enough to know if he wants to date you officially. I'd sit back and take him up on the offer to talk and see what he does. If he doesn't actively start pursuing you, I'd chalk this one up to experience.
He knows you have feelings for him, he knows how to reach you, the ball's in his court. I wouldn't send any more texts at this point. You need to have these talks voice to voice so you can hear intonation and preferably see body language.
It's not off to a promising start but stranger things have happened. Allow the situation to develop and have some restraint on the communications. His silence will be an answer, you know.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): Wow, your texts to him were incredibly aggressive. You have accused him of making you feel bad etc., and he has apologised for this. I understand what you are trying to say but to go straight at him like that is not the way to go about it. Men tend not to like women who are too 'ballsy' and upfront. It unsettles them and sometimes emasculates them.
He is willing to start over and this is a good thing. Start slowly and tell him face to face why you feel bad but watch the putting all the blame onto him. Remember you have gone along with this situation, you put yourself there so really there is 50/50 responsibility here.
Keep calm and softly spoken with this one or you will blow it.
Good luck.
...............................
|
