A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am having a real crappy time of life at mo. I have just turned 31 and realise I have nothing. No boyfriend, no job, live in flatshare, no savings, in debt (credit card £500 and student loan £23k ) don't own a flat/house or car and hate it all. Sorry if this is so long and jumbled. I was in public relations, ok job, s**t money, but job and was seeing a bad seed of a man, I told myself my life needed changing and decided to come a teacher. (Last September) Well actually the bad seed told me to do it and I thought he might be right as knew me better than know myself. I moved hundreds of miles away quit job and flat and started the course all on my own. I ended up leaving it a month before I was due to finish and coming back to live in the big city (where I am from - something that I part regret, as least I would have decent job now despite fact I didn't love it) I then decided to go back to public relations having just turned 31. This was mid-May of this year and managed to get some freelance work as account manager for good firm, which was better than pervious PR job (in terms of position and money) it was meant to be for a month, but they kept me on for 2 and a half months. I kept going on loads of interviews for a perm role (since May like 30) but not getting any. I should note here I was now seeing a guy for past 5 months who had just bagged a top job at Disney (as a head accountant), in big career and got a 10k pay rise along the way and good looking, successful and he was very much about "it says a lot about you where you work, what type of big company takes you on" I felt good, was doing better, in better job than thought, realised could earn better money and although only temp I thought I would have a perm role soon and I was very happy in my relationship with the guy, we were an attractive successful couple. I then got a job and knew at the interview I didn't want it not the PR I do and then day I started it I hated it. Very small company, no room to grow, ok pay but in the middle of nowhere as well (not even a real office) and not the type of PR I wanted to do (the freelance work was) I spent 3 weeks there and left as I got given some more freelance work (by a different recruiter) at the biggest coolest PR agency in the city and took it, was an on-going role and thought may lead to perm job there. I kept remembering boys words and I guess I thought great, some small boring company in middle of nowhere is all I am worth, So when this big job came up in the top agency in city I took it. Just to also note (sorry) but I split up with the guy the night before I started the small job - He told me was seeing some successful well known model of late and I went mental(even though we were only casually seeing each other) as was jealous, I guess I always felt not good enough for him, on half his pay and his 10/10 I am prob 7/10 looks and I am 4 years older. He said how he still wanted to be with me as we get on great and likes me- we agreed to meet as he said he needed to talk to me (as I wasn't happy) things he needed to say to clear air etc etc. I agreed and then I just never heard from him and now it's been over a month and haven't heard from him (I know I never will now) So I quit the small job (also the place reminded me of the boy as all the drama stared the night before I started there) So I wanted to start afresh and started at the top place and loved it from outset, It is me and I look forward to going into work..... but they have said they would like me to leave on Friday as don't need me anymore, I had hoped it would lead to perm role. The company is right near where I live and they start at 10am and they are huge and real buzz and number 1 in the industry. However I am now gutted. I feel like I screwed up my chance here, I know they usually keep on freelancers and I know in heart I didn’t work hard and prove myself. As said I have been looking since May for a perm position and been on loads of interviews and nothing. I am so scared as I think come Monday week, I be jobless and how will I pay rent and bills. The old company (small one I hate) have said there is a possibility of having me back, but not looking likely and even was, should I go back to a place that I am so unhappy in. Like I said this this what I am worth. I also would leave as soon as I could wish would muck them about as when I left I told them was for personal problems (why could have kept job open for me, as talked about it) I also found out the boy is now serious with the model (despite saying he didn't want a relationship with me) The wonders of Facebook (I have now deleted him, not that he cares)I think the problem is I feel it is me, the job, the man. I am not good enough. What do I do? I have emailed loads companies, recruiters all gone cold now, no more freelance work is about and all I want is a ok job in a good company, something I enjoy. If I go back to old company I am going back on self and also will leave again as soon as can, which they are so lovely and I have just been screwing them about and I think they relaise that now as they have told me my role may have been filled now - What do I do about the ex as well, accept I will never hear from him, will I meet someone else though? will I ever be happy.Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): Stop making decisions bassed on other people about your life. Work out what you want to do and do it.
Forget about the ex, who know if you will meet someone else, who does? Make yourself happy.
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