A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey peoplei split up with my boyfriend of one year 3 weeks ago on my terms as we argued all of the time and he wasnt very nice to me. Im quite happy about it.2 weeks ago, i went out and met a ver attractive boy. We kissed and he asked for my number and said that e would like to take me for a drink.he then text me the next day but didnt mention the drink, or the day after so i said 'are we going for a drink still?' and e replied of course we are, tomorrow or monday?I met him for a drink and we seemed to get on well. he then said to me at the end of the night 'its really refreshing to meet someone similar to me. He didnt text me that night. I text him the next day and he repled for a few das but didnt mention a next date. So i suggested 'would u like to go to the cinema one night? He replied that would be great..tomorrow night?which would indicate to me tat he was keen???so we went to the cinema last night, then e asked if i would like to go for a drink, or go back to is to chill out, so i said back to his. We were chatting and i felt tat we got on really well.then i slept wit him. this is not something i would normally do, but it happened, as we both wanted it to at the time.We had sex for over an hour and he didnt ejaculate and kept going soft.then the same happened this morning. I asked im if it was because of me and e said he always had this problem. This morning i felt that it was a little awkward and he couldn't wait for me to leave :-(I now feel really cheap and feel that iv spoiled the chances of what could have been a nice relationship possibly?When i left he said' speak to u over the weekend'but i dont think he will contact me.I really dont want to leave it like this, but dont want to be the first one to et in touch again. Do u think he will thnk i am cheap for sleeping wit him?and does it sound like he was just after sex???sorry for it being so longlove me x x x x
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cheap, ejaculate, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): You did all the chasing, and then slept with him on the second date. I know you really like him but wait for him to call you back. If he's interested he'll call, if he doesn't just move on.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): forget about it and just keep yourself bussy. you'll see how he comes back. Happened to me several times. He likes you girl, guys just act weird some times.
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A
female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (14 March 2009):
 Correction: Second Paragraph:
The fact that he didnt try to get you in bed on the first date tells me this based on past experiences. Note that a guy who is truly after sex will want it as soon as possible....ie they want it the first date.
I put after by mistake. lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Who cares if he thinks you're easy! You are in charge of your own life, you tried having sex, it didn't work. So why are allowing this to cause you worry and stress? Right from the start of your posting, it was obvious to me, that you did all the work--you were the pursuer! There was no 'mutual' indicators here that he was 'really into this'. Albeit, he did text you about going for a drink. But then 'you' had to remind him about meeting for that drink (red flag), he didn't mention another date (red flag) so then 'you' had to ask him if he'd go to the cinema, then he suggested another drink or his place?
When a man is that tough to break ground with, you drop him and move on. Why do us gals have so much angst over this type of thing? Here's the gist of what I am trying to say her and I want you to read carefully. I am going to blunt but this is the way I am seeing your situation and if I am wrong, please correct me. (I don't mind at all! lol) But girl, you sound so desperate here and stressed. And when a woman is feeling the stress, she will obsess. And when you obsess about 'why' he couldn't keep it up for you, why he'll likely not call, why he is doing this, why he is doing that...look at what you doing to yourself? You are allowing your self-esteem to take a nosedive. No man should have that kind of power over you, I don't care who he is. No need to call, email or text him. He knows where you are, he has your number...so just stop already.
Your posting makes me think of something I read once. "Men have traits in them that women would be really, really smart to adapt to And that is, men don't put all their eggs in one basket. They leave openings and they know how to keep it all in perspective. They seem to have the courage to persist through doubts, failure and hurt and stay strong/steady."
Well, I am want to tell you, that us gals need to think 'like a man' so we can retain our sanity..our spirit and self-respect, through these type of bleak periods of self-doubts. Firstly, this man is able to do this, because he's 'playing the game'. Plainly, if this causing you worry, because you don't play games. Be proud of that alone. You slept with him, he couldn't perform...so what! Go find someone who puts you on the top of the heap and will be able to perform for you, but when the time is right. And it certainly isn't within the first few dates! Wait until you get to know the guy and stay rationale, stop engaging your emotions soooo quickly. So step away from the phone/computer and get out with friends and have fun. In fact, date other guys ( sex can hold off, the right guy will not pressure you). But under no circumstances are you to call or text this guy. Resist. If this man likes you, I guaruntee, that within one week, he will call you. Just don't be sitting by the ophone...waiting! And when he does call, still be you, be happy, positive, be strong and be ........busy. Don't go to him that night...make him work darned hard for you. After all, you are worth the hard efforts he will have to do, to get you. And if he wants you, he will pursue and he'll do it assertively. If he doesn't, then it's his loss, as you are fantastic! And that opens it up for some other guy to date you. This first guy misses the boat on that one...right? But just stop dragging your self-esteem down into a mudhole here, waiting for some guy to call and like you. That is just so sad..please move on and enjoy life...you are so young...have a blast!
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A
female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (14 March 2009):
Every guy thinks about having sex, its always on their mind 24/7. Some guys...its all they think about when they go out with a girl; so much that they dont care about how the girl feels. Some care about you but sex is in the back of their mind, they also enjoy your company.I dont think this guy was after sex. I think he really liked you. The fact that he didnt try to get you in bed after the first date tells me this based on my past experiences. I once knew a guy who was only after sex and usually they dont want to bother taking you out or going out with you. This guy initially invited me over for a movie. Instead he tried to have sex with me without even getting to know me. He was after sex. Your guy on the other hand took the time to take you out and talk to you. That shows he may care and may want a relationship. I think what happened that night was very embarrassing for him because he couldnt maintain the erection which is a huge blow to a guys ego. He may not text you again simply because he is too embarrassed to see you again. If you really like him, I encourage you to text him and ask him out. Let him know that what happened the other night doesnt matter and you are still interested in him. It will make him feel really good. I doubt he thinks your cheap.If you guys go out again, wait a little before complying and having sex. Get to know each other better. A lot of times, when a guy looses his erection its because he is nervous. Getting to know each other better will make it less nervous for the two of you and he may have a better time maintaining the erection.Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Jager +, writes (14 March 2009):
You should not leave it like this. Contact him if it comes up talk about it tell him its not a problem. Believe me its better if he knows that its not a problem for you. I think there might be something between the two of you and its not a bad thing if you need to make the first step to contact him again. Ask yoursefl if you like him enough
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 March 2009):
You had sex on the second date... that's pretty soon, so he may have lost interest. He also wasn't great so may be too embarrassed to call.
Men are still pretty old fashioned deep down, no matter how much you click together and get on at the time, they WILL lose respect for you if you give it away too soon.
However, you have just come out of a big relationship so you are new to this whole dating thing and I can understand why your brain is still in "long term relationship mode."
Leave him alone, and if he calls then great, if not then just accept that it wasn't to be, and move on.
Sometimes you have to just leave things as one nighters and one weekers, they are just meant to be that way and it's no bad reflection on you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Well, the facts are: having met this new "boy" initially he asked for your number, sent you a text the following day, but didn't mention going out for a drink. You brought it up. So far so good.Then you sent him a message the next day, and he replied after a few more days, but didn't say anything about getting together again, and so you asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema with you. Okay. After your first date you'd have done better to have waited for HIM to get in touch with YOU, even if he took several days before doing so. Do you see what I'm getting at? Men prefer to chase the woman, not the other way round! (Although, if you meet someone say, when you're out with a group of friends and get to chatting, or on a dating site, and have been emailing or texting back and forth a few times, THEN you can invite him out for a drink, or coffee. If he agrees, and you both enjoy it, the ball is now in his court).Was he just after sex? Hard to tell. Maybe not. But, perhaps since you were the one suggesting getting together most of the time, he might well have thought you'd be willing to go to bed with him.As things stand now, I'd leave it alone, if I were you. I know you WANT to hear from him, go out again, but as you said, the sex didn't work out too well, and he was most likely very embarrassed and feeling let down because he couldn't perform (whether with you, or whether he was telling the truth when he told you he always has this problem, again, who knows?)Sorry to hear you feel you cheapened yourself, and are disappointed. The only way to "redeem" the situation is to learn from it, (particularly to go out on more dates with someone before the sex - personally, I wait until I've had several dates with a guy, and a month has passed). That plus DO NOT send him any more texts! See if he gets in touch with you and if so, what he says.If he wants to see you again, great; if you don't hear from him, chalk it up to experience, and let it go........
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A
male
reader, MBaachman +, writes (14 March 2009):
All guys want sex. That does not mean that ALL we want is sex though. He's probably just thinking that you do that with every guy you meet. You need to tell him that's not the case and you just really liked him and felt you could trust him. But be prepared for him to not believe you!
In the future, be careful.
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A
female
reader, xX__JESSIE__Xx +, writes (14 March 2009):
 errmmm,, well to be quite honest it sounds similar to whats just happened to me, except i was close mates with the lad i slept with, and then things soon chnaged between us,, and now he wont speak to me, but i think you should arrange to meet him, sit with him somewhere quiet, and talk things through with him, and find out what it actually was he wanted from you, and if there culd be anythin in the future for the both of you, but lads nowadays, all they are after is sex, so dont let this lad mess you about, get it out of him, and dont let it make you ffeel bad, if it was just sex he wanted, then move on, and show him you have moved on, and just keep up everything oyu do now, dont let any of it get you down, dont make the same mistakes i did, good luck x
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