A
female
age
41-50,
*RICAN
writes:i met my ex at aparty 2weeks ago and he came over to where i was and we hugged,he sat next to me and chatted for a while and later danced,i was confused cos this is the guy who dumped before and now giving me his attention,i was getting mixed signals but nevertheless i still have feelings for him.later that night he wanted to kiss me but i declined coz i dint want to act like a loose woman,last week he texted me and asked me over to his place for aparty he was hosting,i went and again he was with me most of the time,i enjoyed and ended up spending the night at his place,we had sex and i really enjoyed it,i asked him about his girlfriend and he said she dint exist any more,he says he doesnt want to commit,he also asked me if i wanted to go over to his place agin,he says he cant be mine a lone and at the same time he says lets go with the flow.i want the guy iam not asking for marriage or permanent relationship,all i want is someone to hang out with,have sex,without sharing and without i acting cheaply,what can u say about my situation,i like him,if i was to have sex then it should b him
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 He's just wanting the sex. He told you he didn't want a commitment, so having sex will not change his mind. He's using you to satisfy his sexual needs. Tell him where you stand and aren't looking at getting played. Be truthful and firm, and don't give in when doing so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Aren't you just setting yourself up for a fall... again? You sound like you (like) liked him more than just a friends-with-benefits kind of friend, even though you say here that that would be ok. He's telling you, without a doubt, that he's holding out for someone better. I guess from his perspective that's being fair and honest, but don't you want to be available the right guy when he comes along, and don't you want more for yourself than that?
I don't think I've ever really believed in casual sex. I think someone is always hoping for more.
I hope you move on from this, and don't become his convenience and passtime.
It's going to take a lot of strength, for probably longer than you think, but you'll be happy who you are. Be strong.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 No.
He is just using you for sex nothing more. If you are fine with that then go for it but do NOT make the common mistake of thinking that it means anything more. Both men and women often seem to think that sex binds the other person to them. It doesn't and considering your history with this guy and what he says in your case it is 100% certain he only wants your body.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Letty  +, writes (31 May 2008):
You like him, you have mixed feelings about him, you like the fact he's come back to you,...but, he hasn't really returned to you has he? It sounds like he wants sex with you on his terms. He texts you and you go to him. Your bodies are familiar to each other so the sex is good. If all you want is sex with someone who knows their way around your body with no strings or emotions attached then have fun and go for it! Otherwise, get out now. The fact you wrote this message shows you're confused. Look out for yourself and what you really want. Good Luck.
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