A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a very conservative man for 6 years. I use the term conservative as a euphemism for bordering on boring. My children (19,21,26) see us as completely incompatible in this regard. Although they think he is an honest and likable enough person, they are saddened because they see me as a fun loving and adventurous person with a stick in the mud for a fiance. I attended an anti-war rally in DC a week after the war began--he wouldn't even put a bumper sticker on his car supporting a political candidate. I love white water rafting, he can't swim. I like to ski--he won't try for fear of injury. I like to skate--he's never tried (and won't). I love amusement parks--him, no way. I've taken a 4-wheel up a mountain--he had to watch his 10 year old son successfully come down before he'd do it. I've planned and been on vacations all over the US, and before he met me, he'd rarely been out of his home state, except on business. Here's the latest, and I know it's a small matter, but it is the cumulative effect of ALL the areas of our "fun factor incompatibility" that I think is getting to me, making me wonder if I should get out before he sucks the life out of me... We have been invited to an "ugly sweater" party for his work Christmas party. The idea is to wear a tacky Christmas sweater. I made two for us, altering some like new Goodwill sweaters in Holiday colors. They are, I must, say spectacular in their tackiness, but very well done. I'm quite crafty and artistic. My kids and friends said I could auction them on EBay and make a mint, as they are truly unique. They have tinsel, working lights, trees with tiny ornaments, little bells, reindeer, and detail beyond belief. The sweaters took hours to make, and cost a fortune for all the little doo dads. There is a prize for 1st place for the craziest sweater, so they were just in the spirit of the evening. Today he informed me he removed many of the decorations I put on it, as he felt very uncomfortable with it. They were things like holly leaves and tiny ornaments. He said he felt foolish wearing it. I suggested that he go to a store and buy a more conventional sweater if he felt more comfortable with that. Yes, he said, he thought that was a good idea. Now, tonight he tells me that he may not have time to do that, and if he doesn't, he intends to remove more "stuff" from the sweater I made until he considers it wearable. I flatly said, no, the sweater is now mine again, and if he wants something different, he is welcome to do that, but I designed the sweater as it is, and if he doesn't want to wear it, I will auction it off. He acts as though I've done something wrong making the sweater, and he's doing me a favor wearing it. He never even said thank-you. He's very put off that I don't want things ripped off of it. Now, I'm willing to allow that this was my idea, although he did not originally intend to go to the party because he had nothing to wear. I will also allow that I should have elicited input from him as to what was "acceptable." However, I must also say, he never offered input in the first place, and seemed completely disinterested. These issues are irrelevant however, in that my point is, we are world apart in our ability to cut loose and have fun. Had this been a formal attire party, of course the silly sweaters would have been inappropriate, but it wasn't. Others would have enjoyed our funny over the top light up attire, and that adds to everyone's fun. So, in the end, will his complete inability to stray from his conservative and unadventurous roots slowly kill me? He has good qualities, such as honesty, and is trustworthy, and has a great job, but he's no fun. How important is this to a relationship? I believe there is a time and place for fun and adventure, and I'm not a daredevil risk taker type of person. I'm very responsible, but I still like to try new foods and activities. I'm middle aged, but not dead! At first, his family said he had changed dramatically since meeting me in terms of willingness to go places and try new things, but he has seemed to hit a wall in expanding his comfort zone.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 November 2007):
I guess what it comes down is if you are happy with your relationship. It sounds like you arent, and you feel you have so much more to do in life, that he doesnt want to do, which you feel he should and/or want him to as he is your partner. Seems to me your gut is telling you that this isnt going to work out...listen to your gut I think.
I myself can be seen as a more conservative person, and I personaly wouldnt go for someone who was the exact opposite as me again. I've tried to before and it never worked. My ex bf who was so different to me, was always complaining, trying to get me to be more like him, but that woudl mean I would have to change myself, and make sacrifices that I just couldnt make. Its not fair for you to expect him to do things hes not comofrtable with, such as wearing that sweater, just as it isnt fair for him to expect you to stop living the fun life you have dreamed of. I am yet to be able to see those two exact opposites come together and work...
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Hi,
I dont know if you want to hear this, but you did ask, so dont shoot the messenger!.
You two just do not seem to be a match. You remind me of my sister who meet a lovely bloke after being in an abusive relationship. He was loyal, honest and a real standup guy, but he was the most boring person in the world, he could make Dick Cheney seem like a funny guy. My sister eventually broke up with him after he proposed as she said she would eventually go insane living with him. It was a terrible thing as he was such a nice bloke and he was heartbroken when she broke up with him, but she knew she just couldnt accept being married to someone who didnt make her feel alive.
You sound like you are ready for a straightjacket now, I'm not going to suggest you split up from Mr Reliable. But I dont have to live with him, you do.
All the best and good luck.
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