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Will attending college ruin my new relationship?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 October 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 9 October 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone, thanks in advance for taking the time to read! Now, down to business...

I just started dating this guy. We had been sort of at an in between, kind of dating phase for a few weeks and then we finally decided to officially get together. I am so happy about this. We get along amazingly and I really like him.

Here's the tiny issue... I am a senior, he's a junior. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't even remotely care about the age difference, but I just worry about the fact that at the end of this school year I'm going to be out of high school and taking on a whole new mess of issues. College, jobs, being an adult, etc.

Am I over-thinking this? This sort of thing is what killed my last relationship (no time for each other) and I don't want to end up on the other end of that. I worry that I'll end up having to hurt him and he's such a wonderful guy. I don't want to do that.

What are your thoughts on this? Any input is welcome!

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2012):

k_c100 agony auntYou can get hurt in any relationship, regardless of what happens relationships are risky. You are investing your time and emotions into another person so there is always a risk of getting hurt, regardless of where you go or what you do.

If you dont want to get hurt, dont get into any relationships ever. If you think love is worth the risk, then just jump in and try not to think so far ahead.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey everyone, thanks for responding. Just to clear something up, I would never sacrifice my education to please someone else. I'm very dedicated to pursuing my future. I'm just a bit of a worry wart when it comes to this stuff... especially since my last relationship fizzled out after a whole year together because I never got to see him. There were other contributing factors of coursse, but that was big one. I just don't want to start this knowing we're both going to get hurt.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 October 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI think that prioritization is your most important detail...

At your age and phase of life... you need to attend to YOUR education and YOUR future (as opposed to "your's and a boyfriend's future")....

Take the approach that you and this guy you are so fond of can and will stay in-touch once you are off to college.... BUT, you and he will be living your lives in separate locations.... Have fun... meet people... do new and interesting things (both of you)....

IF, upon the passage of time, you and this guy get your paths back together again... you can rekindle this relationship/romance and follow it to whatever conclusion Fate has for it and for you....

There's plenty of time.. enjoy it..

Good luck... and STUDY HARD!!!!

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (8 October 2012):

k_c100 agony auntYou dont know what the future holds, and we cant tell you whether going to College is going to ruin things with this new guy or not.

But at the end of the day, you need to go to college in order to get a good job and have a happy future where you are not struggling for money. So not going to College isnt really an option is it? Whereas your new relationship, as great as it may be, isnt a neccesity in life. There are plenty of guys out there who you will like as much as this guy, he isnt going to be the only one for you! So giving up the chance to go to College for some guy you've just met isnt an option either, you cannot risk your future like that on the basis you are enjoying dating this guy at the moment. For all you know in a few months time you might not get on at all and break up!

So all you can do is enjoy the relationship now, try not to worry abou the future and see how it goes. Go to college and see if the relationship is working or not, it might be ok or you might be too busy having fun in your new life. Who knows. Only time will tell!

Dont worry about it for now, enjoy your new guy and take it one day at a time.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012):

Focus on educating yourself and actually getting into a university! You are putting too much emphasis on relationships vs education. Cross the bridge when you get there. Yes you are over thinking.

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (8 October 2012):

oldbag agony auntHi

Nobody can predict the future of a relationship,you may or may not be together when you go off to college.

Enjoy what you have now,he must know what you have ahead of you, in time he will be in your situation.If your strong enough as a couple you will survive.In other words, cross the bridge when you come to it.

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A female reader, cupidlover89 United States +, writes (8 October 2012):

None of that will be an issue as long as you both really care and are into eachother. If you want this realtionship you will need to put in the work, if you do not want to work, the realtionship won't last. Try talking about your level of commitment together.

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