A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some insight into the female mind...no easy task I know.My wife comes home crying. She started a new job about 2 weeks ago. She said she had a horrible day. So I hug her and she cries. I ask whats wrong but she said she didnt want to talk about it. So we left it at that. I had made dinner since I was off today, so we eat and shes really quiet. Ive learned to give her space.An hour or two later I ask what happrned but she still says she doesn't want to discuss it. I calmly tell her that I am here to listen, and thats what husbands/wives are for to help each other. Still nothing. The whole day she is not mean but its awkward. Something just seems pressing on her mind.she grabbed our kids (6 months and 3 years) and cried again. Finally at night she comes up to me, sits on my lap and just hugs me. I dont say anything for a few minutes and then I say, "im so sorry you had a bad day." She doesnt reply and just hugs me. After about a min or so she gets up and says I better go to sleep, gives me a kiss on the forehead and goes to bed.Wtf? Whenever I have a bad day, I tell her about it. Other times she has also had a bad day, and tells me about it. Thats what is throwing me off. This time nothing...shes acting weird. She sounded happy on the phone on the way home but when she walked in and saw I had dinner ready and the kids sitting at the table while I was rushing to finish little things, she kind of got sad and then started crying. I thought that would make her feel better? I understand she didnt want to discuss it for whatever reason, but it kind of ruins the whole evening for everyone else. And makes me feel unappreciated, like im not good enough of a person to talk to to hear her problems?I cant just pretend nothing happened. What about tomorrow? Is she just going to act like today never happened?This last part may sound weird but part of me felt like she didnt want to discuss it because she did something wrong at work. Like wrong unfaithful wrong? Idk that may just be my paranoia; but the reasons I say that is because she hugged our 6 month old and me together, then when our 3 year old came in she said, "family hug!" And she cried even more then went into the bathroom alone and asked for space. Then at night when she came to me she kept just sighing but not saying anything...and when she went to bed she started reading the bible.At dinner when she saw me have everything ready she got sad; kind of like when you are talking/doing something bad and then the person youre hurting does something nice for u not knowing whats really going on...just got that vibe.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): Maybe, instead of bing unfaithful because she's crying over family, maybe she thinks she might be getting sacked. Therefore feels sad as she's not going to be earning money for her children....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): It's not right to assume she has cheated on you based on just this.
But if this was the only reason you had to suspect her, would you have been thinking about just from this alone? I doubt it.
What else has she done to lead your thoughts in that direction? Past history? Other secretive times? I'm betting there is something else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Perhaps you'll feel better if I suggest that we focus on this sentence in your submittal: "I need some insight into the female mind...no easy task I know."
As it happens, you have underestimated the "dauntedness" of this task. It is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to have insight in to the female mind..... AND, as you submittal gives testimony, it is a serious minefield of misconceptions, incomplete information, and estrogen-driven mind and body capitulations.... none of which can POSSIBLE make sense to one (such as yourself - or me) who is viewing these goings-on from and with a MALE mind!!!!
So.... chalk this incident up to something that you will NEVER understand.... wait for it to pass (like a hurricane)... and, after that passing, see if you can resume life with this woman who you have told us is your "wife".
She may continue in his style for days, weeks, months .... even YEARS.... and you will be left trying to figure out "what the F*** is going on inside that pretty head???" BUT, as a "good hubby" you have to endure what she's subjecting you to..... OR....
YOU can come to YOUR senses... tell her to come to HER senses..... and tell her to come clean as to WHY SHE'S ACTING LIKE A GIRL!!!! ... OR, you will be out the door and looking for a woman who hasn't been touched by whatever it is that has caused HER to go off the deep end...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Something is clearly very wrong and the only person with answer to it is her.You are lovely supportive man and I can tell that this is destroying you, not only because the woman you love is distressed but because you're now imagining all sorts of terrible things.I think you need to sit your wife down and tell her exactly how this is making you feel. That you're not making it about you but that husbands and wives are supposed to share this kind of thing, for better or worse, and whatever it is must be awful or she wouldn't be reacting this way and it's really scaring you. Reassure her that whatever it is you won't judge her but you'd like to help and support her.I once made a mistake a work that I was very embarrassed about, the company could have lost a huge job and our reputation would have taken a massive blow. I was experienced enough to have not have made that error and I felt awful. My boss was really mad at me, despite the fact that I had corrected the error in the nick of time, although inconveniencing a lot of people and costing us a bit money. I cried a lot and felt really worthless. I didn't want to tell my husband in case he was ashamed of me (seems silly now but didn't feel silly at the time). My husband was terribly upset seeing me so down and eventually I broke down and told him. He didn't judge me but helped me through the self esteem issues the error had created. I can now look back and laugh and have learned from the mistake.Please talk to her, but rather than ask her what the problem is, tell her how it's making you feel. I think maybe she's so wrapped up in her own upset she's not aware of yours.I wish you all the very best x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 August 2013):
 1. What does she do for work?
2. Is she normally emotionally?
3. I would give a her a few days to mull it over and then I would ask what really went down. I wouldn't accuse her of being unfaithful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Another possibility: what happened at work was so horrible that it stomped on her self-esteem -- so much so that she feels guilt even having a wonderful husband like yourself and two adorable children to boot.
As a former sufferer of abuse who got into a relationship with a loving man before I had healed, I can attest that this is a real (crazy) feeling that came up frequently in the beginning. If he did something nice that I felt that I didn't deserve, I would freak out and cry, knowing that it wouldn't, couldn't last.
Maybe she's whole and healthy for the most part, but what happened that day triggered her pain. She doesn't want to sound "irrational" and "crazy," so she's not telling.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (23 August 2013):
 As I was reading your post I also started thinking she could have been unfaithful, with the crying at your kindness, holding the kids, not being able to talk to you. It's hard to accept kindness from someone you know you're betraying.
But she could also have just had a really rubbish day and felt emotional and stressed. Only she knows and it's no good speculating or becoming suspicious. Until you know more, focus on supporting her and assume that she's just having a stressful time and needs you around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Its pretty obvious what's going on with your wife.
Something SUPER TERRIBLE happened to her at work.
It could be Anything worst that you could imagine, for her to act like its the end of the world and get too emotional.
But before we jump into any conclusion, I suggest for you to continue supporting your wife. This is the time where in she needs your understanding, patience and LOVE the most.
Sometimes work can be very super stressful & demanding. Not only that, the people from work can also be the source of stress, especially if you don't work well with them.
But whatever it is, Just be patient and continue to show her your support. I admire you. Its rare that I hear husbands to care about their wife.
Most husband's are busy womanizing or mistreating their wife. But you took time to write here and ask help about your wife, it shows that there are still few good husband's exist in this world.
So, I will pray for you and your family. God will not give us problems we wont be able to solve. Its just a test that everyone goes through.
No one is exempted. but you and your wife can make it. Work as a team together to solve whatever it is.
just hold on to God, trust him and leave it to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Has your wife always been this emotionally unstable? She might need to see a therapist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): Is this really a grown woman you're talking about? Because the whole interaction sounds more like between a parent and child who came home from school crying.Since she doesn't want to tell you what's bothering her yet she wants to be all drama queen about it and require you to make everything better, I say just ignore it. Her behavior sounds like classic manipulative behavior. Using her emotions to affect you and keeping you in the dark and off balance. If she starts crying for no reason again just offer some words of sympathy and then move on doing your own stuff even if she is still crying. Don't sit there begging and cajoling her to tell you why she is crying when she has decided she wants to keep secrets and be all mysterious. Whatever. just wait for her to determine when she wants to let you on on her secrets.And I take offense that you think this is typical of the "female mind ". It most certainly isn't. This is crazy-making.
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A
female
reader, millonbitsu +, writes (23 August 2013):
you are reading into one bad evening as your wife being unfaithful and that's not a fair accusation. It may be that she is just adjusting to her new job and this is the first day things haven't gone well for her, it's obviously not going to be a good day!you did all the right things, and if she doesn't want to talk then that's fine too, I'm sure she loves you and her family very much or she wouldn't come to you for a hug and to cry. please don't feel underappreciated or like she must have done something wrong.this will only be a problem if it keeps happening and then you can maybe confront her about her behaviour, and try to understand what's wrong. But this was a one-time bad evening by the sounds of it, so don't dwell on it or you'll drive yourself crazy and your wife will feel awful for letting her emotions show in front of you. Give her the chance to forget about this one bad day.If it continues to be a problem then you need to know why but just let her have her moment for now. Good luck.
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