A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have had a few "swinging" encounters and we want to continue in the lifestyle. I enjoy being with other women without a doubt. Once I am in the heat of the moment I also enjoy being with other men. The problem is that the last time we were with another couple I found myself being jealous, I felt he was giving more of himself than I was comfortable with. Recently we were sending pictures back and forth with the female of a couple we are thinking about getting together with and I felt extremely jealous. I felt the strong mutual attraction between my BF and the female. I felt like I was the third wheel. The woman's boyfriend would also be involved but he was not available to talk to so I have no idea if there will be an attraction between the two of us. Judging by the pictures I saw he was decent looking but I don't see myself having the same chemistry with him that my BF and the other woman had. Like I said I enjoy these encounters and do not want to give into my insecurities. Are there any other people in the lifestyle out there that can offer some feed back?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 August 2013):
It goes with the territory. Its like a boxer saying he loves boxing, but hates the bruises he gets on his face. If you have any inklings of jealousy at all (and IMO 99% of humans do), this will not work long term.
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 It's time for both you and your boyfriend to cut contact with this particular woman. If you feel your boyfriend is too attracted to her as it is, what do you think is going to happen if you two actually hook up with her? No, it's best to play it safe. If you don't want to tell your boyfriend you're insecure about her, which I can see why you wouldn't, then just tell him you're not interested in her, and don't feel attracted to her. Therefore, you don't wish to meet up with her. Besides, you don't know much about her boyfriend. What if you meet up, and it turns out you aren't attracted to him enough to want to do anything? Then what if he develops feelings for you, just as you suspect your boyfriend of doing with this woman? It's not too late to back out. I strongly recommend it. There will be plenty of other people to swing with. Don't waste your time on someone who makes you uncomfortable or insecure.My advise if you're going to continue with this lifestyle is neither you or your boyfriend should hook up with anyone you can see yourselves developing any real feelings for. Ways to help prevent that from happening is don't meet up with the same couple more than once, and don't interact with them by phone or social media too much. Make plans to meet, but don't have personal conversations. Exchange minimal pictures. Exchange just enough to see if you and them would be interested in hooking up, but don't keep on sending each other more pictures.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Maybe have a pre arranged talk with your husband about boundaries and let him know how you feel. Like with most sexual fetishes, a safe word should be used and this goes for feelings also.
I am assuming that with the swinging that everyone goes home with their respective partner at the end of the night? So see if things pan out with the other guy and if they don't, end the evening and don't 'engage' with that particular couple again.
I am sure your husband won't object because isnt the whole point of swinging to have sex with other people's partners without feelings or 'special attachments' being formed??
If your husband is getting too attached then you both have to reassess the situation so that you both can be comfortable with future events.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (23 August 2013):
 I have no experience of swinging first hand as my husband and I choose to be exclusive but I have a friend who does.She has told me that these encounters can be a lot of fun but only if both partners are completely comfortable. There should be boundaries that have been discussed between you both before you meet your "swinging" couple. For example things that you are both happy to do or allow to have done to you and then some things which will be reserved for just the two of you.If one or the other of you starts to feel uncomfortable then the liaison should be abandoned.Tell your bf how you're feeling and that your upset by the amount of contact there has been between him and this woman. My friend said that for her and her partner part of thrill was meeting new couples at swinging parties. She said that one of the rules her and her partner have is that they do not get too familiar with the other couple and any communication should be a four way thing.It is inconsiderate of your bf to expect you to join this couple then give this woman more attention than he's giving you. Swingers say their lifestyle brings them closer together as a couple, strengthening their feelings of love and passion for each other. Your bf's actions are making you unhappy and jealous.I can't help feeling your boyfriend clearly enjoys this more than you do. You shouldn't feel pressured into any sexual activity you are not totally happy about just to keep a partner happy.I hope everything works out for you x
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 August 2013):
 I don't have experience with swinging scene. My older sister and her husband were swingers and it didn't work out. They got a divorce because he was fooling around with this other woman behind her back that they met while swinging.
I'm not judging, just in my experience it doesn't work because the jealousy factor. My bf and I were going to try it, but once I saw him and her interacting with each other I knew I couldn't share him, it's not in my nature. I just can't share.
Obviously you are jealous of the other female and jealousy is something you can't have if you are swinging and there should be carefully laid out rules of engagement before you start. Perhaps there will be an attraction with you and the other man.
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