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Why would my young chatty, sweet coworker turn on me and complain to my senior about me?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 September 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 21 September 2015)
A male age , anonymous writes:

Hi,

I really can't understand this girl. I met her through my work and we seemed to get in and chat away even about things that didn't link to the work I was doing for her.

She's young, attractive and always chatty and sweet.

Recently she changed to me out the blue and complained to my senior about Me!

Told him she doesn't want to speak to me or deal with me anymore. The next day myself and my boss went to speak to her she looked at me and said NO!

Then I seen her in passing and she ignored me!

What on earth has happened? What would she just turn on me?

I tried to solve the complaint she made about the job I was doing. She still wont speak to me.

What did I do wrong? Can I say yes I did flirt with her and she always responded but then it was just a switch on her head went off.

View related questions: flirt, my boss

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (21 September 2015):

Ivyblue agony auntMaybe her responding to your flirty behaviour was her way of appeasing the situation and too polite or afraid to tell you straight off the bat she didn't like it in some way. Now she's tired of it she's complained. If thats the case, her making it look like a two way street is hardly fair either. If she is no longer speaking with you and thats the the way she chooses to roll then I guess there is not much else you can do about it. What I would be concerned about is making sure that you get your side of events documented and filed incase somewhere down the line this raises its head as something more serious. Be careful you may fart the wrong way.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (21 September 2015):

femmenoir agony auntYou have just stated the obvious. You flirted with her!

May i ask, why and what were your overall intentions?

You obviously have a thing for her and i suspect because she is 'young', 'attractive' and 'chatty'.

You are much older than her it appears, you would have said, or displayed unwarranted behaviour, either intentionally and/or unintentionally and she resented this.

I don't know what you were hoping would come out of your interest in this younger co-worker, but it wouldn't have amounted to anything concrete and you should have known this.

In the modern world, men need to be very careful about the way in which they behave toward women, in the workplace.

You can no longer just act any old way, or say any old thing and expect to get away with it.

You are both at work, so you ought to behave professionally toward her and not assume that this younger woman, would have felt as you felt, nor tolerated continual flirtatious behaviour.

She is obviously behaving professionally, although you say that she used to be quite ok with conversing with you initially.

Many men and women have no relational issues at work, regardless of gender, age, etc;, but many do, especially if they feel threatened or harrassed by a co-worker of the opposite gender.

More often than not, age differences actually play a big part in this too.

Not all younger men/women are attracted to older people and vica versa.

I would encourage you to stay away from her and put an immediate end to any connection with her, because if you don't, this could get much uglier.

It sounds as though she liked chatting with you, simply as a colleague and in the most casual of ways, but perhaps your intentions were getting way too personal and you made her feel uncomfortable and even angry, so she fired back and i personally think she did the right thing, before it got out of hand for both of you.

Basically, she was within her rights to complain, if you made her feel continually uncomfortable.

I don't mean to sound rude, disrespectful, nor nasty, but if you're currently single, you'd be better off connecting with a more mature woman, somebody closer to your own age group.

Very often, as much as we'd like to date much younger people, it really doesn't survive the long-term.

It simply doesn't work and i have met, literally hundreds of men, who've admitted to me, they don't date much younger women and younger men, who won't date older women, although many of either gender will/do.

If you're seeking a casual encounter, a casual fling, well that would be ok, but what would you truly get out of it?

You're a mature man, so you must think with your head.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 September 2015):

Honeypie agony auntYou overstepped a boundary somewhere with her and made her uncomfortable. THAT is my guess.

I think she was trying to be polite and nice (because you work together) but something made her think something you said or did was inappropriate.

Does it mean it's ALL your fault? Who knows?

Now if you have been told to leave her alone, then LEAVE her alone. Don't talk to her, don't look at her, simply pretend she isn't there. She is not your friend. She is, what I would call, a "hostile co-worker".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2015):

Sounds like you were staring at your pretty colleague so much you scared her, not all girls are into men looking at them 24/7!

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