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Why would he need pills for erectile dysfunction when he is away from home?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 March 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2010)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

My husband travels for business. When he returned from a recent trip, the two cialis pills in his pillbox were gone. Should I ask him what happened to them? He keeps a password on his phone and laptop so I can't check those. We've been married 32 years. Why would he need pills for erectile dysfunction when he is away from home?

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (1 March 2010):

Ok, I went through the exact same thing where my X had Viagra in his hiding place then a few days later without any sex they disappeared. I wanted to believe my friends' well meaning theories about masturbation etc. but deep in my heart I knew a dead rat was hiding somewhere. So I didnt confront him immediately so he wouldn't cover his tracks. In the past I'd uncovered a few suspicious things like txts and so on and he had convinced me I was just a jealous unreasonable woman. So this time I played it cool and laid a trap. I bought a voice activated recorder (dictaphone) which only records when someone is speaking. The one I got was about the size of a big thumb. Then I hid it in his car. Within a day, I was collapsed on the floor listening to him planning his next sexual encounter with his mistress. Still, I didnt confront immediately and got cell phone records to see who he was speaking to so I could have full proof and he couldn't get out of it with clever arguments; and ofcourse I uncovered everything and the rest is history. As an adult woman you have maturity on your side so don't get impatient and rush to confront with incomplete information... Be patient, the more dumb he thinks you are, the more he'll slacken his cover up routine. If you want to try the dictaphone route its about $30; normally secretaries and reporters have these for recording notes so look in office supply stores; the one I got was also had mp3 player and memory stick so I was able to store it on my computer in case he erased it. I think its worth a try. All the best.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (1 March 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony aunt I have to admit that looks like a smoking gun. There are other possibilities of course. He could have sold the pills to an acquaintance. He may fell less confident when he is unmanned by is ED. With Cialis' long lasting effects it could do much to bolster his confidence. Does he take the pills on a regular schedule or only when he needs one for sex with you? Or he could be cheating, either with a long time affair or with a prostitute. It is unlikely he took those expensive pills in hopes of meeting someone, though possible if the money wouldn't bother him. The masturbation theory is also valid especially if the trip was long and he was away from you a long time. It would be his way of reducing pressure so he could stay faithful. If it was a short trip he could have taken a pill before he left and you would not be suspicious.

A marriage of 32 years doesn't happen without good communication. as painful as this discussion may be I think you two can handle it.

FA

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A female reader, chloeapple United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2010):

Would he be using them to masturbate? that may be it. Has he ever cheated in the past? Has he always travelled for business? How close are you two at the moment? And finally, why don't you ask him? Be gentle about it, and tell him that you you're feeling sensitive at the moment, and you saw that they were gone, and wanted to ask why. Do it sooner rather than later, so it doesn't fester. Think carefully about how to put it to him- and think about whether it is his behaviour or your emotions at the moment that are making you concerned.

If you aren't satisfied with his answer, calmly tell him so, and ask if you could look at his phone. I do find it highly odd that his phone and laptop are locked with passwords. Does he deal with very important information that must be kept private and safe?

If my partner had concerns i was cheating, and asked to look at my phone, i would be pissed off- but i would let him look at it. If he does get defensive (which is natural) ask him how he would feel in your situation.

Talking to him is the best thing to do, and i think the missing pills warrant a discussion.

best of luck, I hope everything is ok.

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A male reader, Faraday United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2010):

Faraday agony auntPerhaps he masturbates?

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