A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 10 years has always had a low libido since I first met him. At first I thought this was good because I didnt want to be pressured into sex all the time by a man with a strong sex drive. I accepted this about him. However it became upsetting to me over time and we had many arguments about it.I had 2 children and some miscarriages, lost my libido after the children for some time. He didnt pressure me for sex although I did feel guilty that I wasnt in the mood for it a lot. I still gave him sex when he requested it, although at that time I rarely initiated it. Anyway, about 2 years ago I discovered to my shock that he had been joining internet dating sites behind my back for 6 years and had been meeting other women for sex.I dont understand how if he had a low libido with me since day 1, why he wanted to marry me and why he sought out other women for sex instead of putting the effort into having sex with me.I have stayed in the marriage after finding out about his secret double life, even though my heart and common sense are telling me to get out. He says he has stopped his online behaviour and as far as I can tell he has. He did improve his sex life with me since I found out about what he had been doing but I am now seeing a gradual decline again in his libido, and he has rejected me again now with the excuse that he has been unwell, and is too tired and yes, that he has a low libido. So he hasnt had sex with me now in over a month (I have gone a lot longer and am not "desperate for it"), and I see the same pattern of rejection happening again.He says that my attitude and not initiating it with him is a reason why he isnt interested. He never initiates it with me, he just wants oral performed on him, and that is all he has ever really wanted. He doesnt like giving oral, although he did this for the other women. So why not me?I have initiated it but due to the rejections and knock backs and poor sex with him I have had over the years, I am the one who is feeling that maybe he is the one who should be putting more effort into it.I cannot understand why a man with a low libido would reject his wife for sex, yet go and pursue and put effort into getting it elsewhere. Does this mean he gets bored quickly with the same woman and needs variety to be interested in sex?
View related questions:
in the mood, libido, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): He's cheating on you, or has in the past. Leave him now. He will only do it again. You don't deserve this treatment at all. I am positive you can find a guy who marries you and is excited to sleep with you, even after years of marriage. Throw this dirtbag out, now!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 It seems to me that he is one of those guys who feels that oral sex on his wife is degrading - to the wife.
It might also be that he needs some variety in the bedroom.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): could be that he gets bored easily and needs variety to get it up. or maybe he has some huge problem with you and your relationship and that's killing his desire for you. If sex and his libido have become a topic of many arguments in the past, it may be that by now he has in his mind the association that sex with you is going to lead to tension and put-downs and embarrassment and loss of self-esteem or other negative emotions that undercut his sense of well-being so he doesn't want sex with you because it comes with baggage whereas sex with other women who are a clean slate does not have such baggage so he feels freer and more open with others.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): "Does this mean he gets bored quickly with the same woman and needs variety to be interested in sex?"
This may be the reason.
Since his libido has always been low with you maybe he doesn't like sex with you? Was he more active/passionate in the beginning of your relationship?
Since you've accepted all of this, but you're obviously not happy with the situation, maybe you should discuss it with him again? If things improved maybe they can again.
...............................
|
