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Why suddenly can my husband not keep an erection?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 October 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 October 2012)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My husband has recently done the unthinkable in the bedroom, and I don't know why. The reason I say "Unthinkable" casue to me, its out of character for him. We are two very sexual people and enjoy eachother. I seem to think that its myself, however, I do and say all the things that a wife should to keep her husband happy. And when I ask what is wrong, or if its me, he responds with, " I don't know." No, its not you." So, please, if anyone could help, or give me some feedback, I would really appreciate it.

At first, it started out, we would have sex and it would last maybe a min to two min.; ( Note: this is not how we would normally have sex. This is all new behavior within the last few months) and now my husband has no interest in sex, nor can he get an errection, and if he does, its only for a sec. before its gone. It's extreamly frustrating!

I don't know what to think or to believe at this point in our marrige. What is he thinking about, during our romps, ( or so called attempts), is there another woman/man, is he at all interested anymore? Is it a medical problem? Then I think, "why would it be a medical problem, if just not long ago we we're having nice wild sex just fine..

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (24 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI agree that he needs to see a doctor to rule out medical issues...

if he does not know.. if he has other symptoms perhaps if he's 40 or older he has a prostate issue.. or low T...

does he drink or smoke... both can cause erection problems

is he diabetic that can cause problems too...

erections are directly related to blood flow... if there is no other explanation.

"i dont' know why I can't get hard" needs to be followed with "but let me go to the doctor for a work up and find out"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012):

If he is over forty, it is physical believe me. It happened to me also around that age. It is called male menopause. He should see a doctor if he wants to avoid a miserable life w/o sex .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012):

I think you should have a talk with him (other than in the bedroom) about this. If it's happening all the time, something drastic (medically, physically or emotionally) has to have happened. Tell him that you just want to get to the bottom of it, and that if he isn't "sure" that you want to go to a doctor until it's figured out (then, if there's something he's having trouble telling you, he might feel more inclined to do so). If he insists it's not you, yes, go to a doctor and maybe look into medications. Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012):

I hate to be the one to say this but when my friends husband starting having the same behavior problems, she found out he was cheating...

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2012):

If this is a recent change and he’s not had erection problems before then the first thing to do is go and visit a doctor as this could be the sign of a medical problem. Diabetes is one condition where sufferers can have erection problems, but there are others so he needs to discuss it with his doctor. Also what’s his general health like? Smoking, drinking and being overweight can all diminish sexual performance. Unfortunately the inability to get an erection may be causing him anxiety and that anxiety is likely to worsen the problem so if a medical cause is ruled out you might need to consider that the problem is psychological. It would help if you can try not to place all the enjoyment on to penetrative sex and communicate with each other about other ways you can turn each other on, for instance through foreplay. If you can help him find other ways to please you he might be more relaxed and less worked up and this may improve his erections. But to reiterate, first step is to rule out a medical cause, especially since this is a recent change.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Candid Cally United States +, writes (23 October 2012):

I think he needs to see a doctor to rule out a medical problem. If he is completely healthy, the doctor can prescribe medication tht can help your husband maintain an erection.

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