A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please provide me with some insight about a former friend's motives. I was friends with a woman, let's call her Alice, for a little over a decade. We met in our early 20s. We partied together as single ladies for a few years. I was there when Alice met her now husband. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and then threw her baby shower several years later when she had her first child. We stopped being close after her first was born. I assumed that it was because our lives were so different. She was a wife and mother and I was single. Still, we met up every few weeks and stayed current about our lives.Alice was a bridesmaid in my wedding when I got married a few years ago. By then, our friendship had grown distant, but we were on good terms. When I got pregnant, Alice was one of the first people I told. I had hoped that that we would get closer again, now that we would both be mothers. That wasn't the case at all. Alice didn't seem the least bit interested in my pregnancy.Alice knew that I wasn't having a baby shower. She also knew my due date. During the later stages of my pregnancy, I reached out to her a few times for some advice. My due date came and went, my baby was born. Alice never contacted me. I sent her an announcement and she responded with a "cute" via text and nothing more.A month ago, she emailed me asking for my address (which she already has), so that she could send a gift. She also asked to see pictures. I emailed her right back with my address and a photo. It's been radio silence ever since. No gift. No "cute" text. Nothing. (Incidentally, my baby is Gerber adorable).Anyway, I've been too busy with my child to worry about Alice, but what gives? Why is she being so rude?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 August 2016):
 Yep, best thing you can do is move on.
Some friendships lasts a life time, some a season, some less some more.. IT IS OK to decide that a friendship is not longer having a positive impact on you and then cut it off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input. She has gotten under my skin! Otherwise, I wouldn't have posted this question. You are right, she sent me that email to play some weird game.
I'll ignore her if she writes again. I don't care what's going on in her life. When I was newly (and miserably) single at 33 and she was happy and pregnant, I put my jealousy aside to host her baby shower. And no, it wasn't my idea to host. I did it because she asked and I felt obligated. More importantly, I was able to feel happy for her despite my personal problems. The least she could do is just send my child a little gift after asking for my address. I don't need this.
Thank you for taking the time to answer my question!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2016): It sounds like someone who is depressed with their own life which prevents her from being happy for you. Things may look perfect on the surface but she could have her own problems behind closed doors. I sense jealousy because if she really wanted to end the friendship she would have never emailed you. The fact that she asked for your address and she already knew it makes me think she's trying to get under you're skin. I'd just never reply to her again and if you do be very vague like she has been to you. Hopefully she will talk to you about what's wrong with her eventually. But don't let her play mind games.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am certain that she's not jealous. And, as a trust fund baby, she definitely doesn't have any financial issues. I tend to think that she was being fake like Honeypie suggested, but more with herself than me. She knows deep down that she used me when I was useful and pushed me away when I wasn't, but she doesn't want to see herself as a user, so she emailed me. But the email alone was enough to satisfy her guilt, which is why she didn't send me a gift or even a reply.I am done with her. Thanks for the input. It has helped me sort things out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): DO you think may be she might be jealous? Some people cant stand when the other person is happy.I had a friend like this, but she was kuku in other issues also
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2016):
Ah! thanks for clearing that up, OP - as I read it it sounded like you expected some tit for that.
And yes, OP it is annoying when people are being fake - and I would call your "former" friend that. Because she "faked" interest and then just dropped the ball.
OR there are things in her life that have prevented her to following up in a way SHE would have wanted. Maybe their finances are in the red and buying a present for a baby is not within her means. Or her husband is against spending money on it. OR she could be dealing with personal issues, grief, depression etc. Where she WANTS to socialize or do things but can't seem to follow through. Been there done that, and it sucked. Now these are not EXCUSES, they are mere guesses that CAN explain what happened.
If I were you I'd just let it go and mentally move her to the "acquaintance pile" and be done with it. Who needs that kind of meh! in their lives?
Enjoy your baby and your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, I wish I could edit things to make them clearer. I didn't have a baby shower because I am against them. I think it's obnoxious to make your friends buy your baby's nappies. (My cousin offered to throw me one and I refused.)
I was not expecting Alice to throw me a shower. I only mentioned it because I wanted to explain that I was not asking her, or anyone for that matter, to give my baby gifts. Alice asked me about whether I wanted a shower and I told her I didn't. That is all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2016):
I agree with Ciar.
I think she has just realized sooner than you that the friendship has run it course.
Though I do find it rude to SAY that you want to send something to a little one and then ignore it. But I wouldn't be up in arms over it, you two clearly aren't friends any more and barely acquaintances.
I never understand when people claim that getting married or having kids means you can't be friends who are at a different stage in life. But I get why some friendships run into the sand over time, it happens.
If I were you I'd stop looking at back at what YOU CHOSE to do for her (baby shower etc) and just move on, make new friends, or focus on the friends you have now.
She really doesn't OWE you a baby shower.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCiar, I think you missed my point, probably because I was too wordy. I'm not concerned about the friendship ending. I too have moved on.
I'm annoyed that she emailed me, without any prompting on my part, asked for photos of my child and my address to send a gift, but then never followed through, with just a quick comment about my child. Why do that? I think it's super rude and uncalled for to ask to see a baby's photos, but not take the time to respond once you get one.
I thought she was being nosy, but maybe I am wrong.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 August 2016):
 I think it's more a case of she's outgrown the friendship than it is her being rude.
Friends don't have to stay in our lives forever. Circumstances change, people change somewhat and the things we needed from a friendship changes as well.
To come right out and say this would be rude, and folks are loathe to hurt anyone. Alice has been sending out some subtle hints over the years which you've chosen to ignore (just as rude).
Alice has moved on and I think you should too. Don't put her in the position of having to spell it out, just accept that it is what it is. You had good times in the past. Cherish those memories and move on.
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