A
female
age
30-35,
*skim0
writes:Agony aunts and uncles, I just don't know what to do.My boyfriend and I have been together about three months now and are very much in love. We were both out of extremely long relationships (mine lasting six years and his lasting four) before we met eachother so it's safe to say we both have baggage and a bit of history. We both remained single for a a little over a year so we can rule out that what we have is definitely not a rebound fling.The thing is that I'm feeling a little insecure at the moment just because I keep comparing myself to his ex. I'm not normally the jealous kind, it doesn't really bother me at all that they still speak...it's just that I'm flying home with him to meet his parents for the first time for his birthday and I noticed on his FB wall a post from his ex asking what they were going to do for his birthday.It irked me that she'd automatically assume that they were going to see eachother on his birthday, and the last thing I want to do is be third wheel to them both. I don't want to feel like I'm his 'second choice' ya know?To top it all off I saw that he had actually called his ex last night, and when I had asked who he was talking to he just told me it was his friend Andy*. It wasn't until he passed me his phone for me to make a call that I saw her name had been highlighted on his address book. I saw that he had been talking to Andy..he just neglected to tell me he had also talked to his ex - which really annoyed me.*names have been changed.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (17 October 2010):
I am a firm believer that an ex as a friend just doesn't work. That being said, it definitely won't work if your man doesn't put you first in everything.
Sit down and write out how you feel about this ex. From there, write out the limits you want to see your BF place on their friendship. Under no circumstance can you compromise on those limits that are supposed to make you feel secure. If you can't trust him, the two of you have a failed relationship (no matter how long it gets dragged on).
If he loves you, he will contact the ex and say, "Look, I wanted us to be friends but it just doesn't work right now because of my current girlfriend." Don't think for a second that the ex is gonna get bent out of shape over that. The only person who ever fights cutting off contact would be in this case your boyfriend, and only if he was having issues letting go.
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