A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm at a loss. I've been seeing this guy since end of July. He said he loved me after 5 weeks. I was surprised but said it back. For the last month. He hasn't seen me much. Whereas before it was once a week, or once every 4 days. He is busy with work, but so much so he can't spare any time? I said do you still want to see me and he said yes. Can anyone help me understand what it all means? I'm confused! Thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Hi
It doesn't matter that he works nights,has family drama or any other excuse.
The simple fact is he is not making time for YOU.He has time to go on FB, time off work too as nobody does nights without a break, or days come to that.
Forget him,he's all mouth and no trousers
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 he has time to facebook but not talk to you...
If I was you I would stop wasting any energy on this guy...
sometimes folks can't be adult enough to tell someone they changed their mind...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is having a family drama according to his facebook. But doesn't explain why he can tell his friends but not me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2012):
I agree. IF a man wants to see you he will move heaven and earth do do so...
does not matter where he works
where he lives
or any other obstacle...
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 October 2012):
 It really doesnt matter where he works - he is not going to be working 24 hours a day even at a hospital, and many people who work in hospitals have perfectly normal realtionships. There is no good reason for him not to see you, if he managed to see you frequently at the start you know that work is not the problem here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe works nights at a hospital. Does that make a difference?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2012):
I have read that men tend to come on like gangbusters (and saying I love you after 5 weeks is just that) but then when reality hits they "crash and burn" so to speak.
He's rethinking this and he's backing off because he moved too fast...
he didn't love you after 5 weeks. he barely knew you...
it's about time for the "speedy" types of relationships to come to a crashing end...
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (12 October 2012):
 You have only been seeing him for a couple of months, i do feel that declaring love after five weeks is quite soon. I say this because how well do you really know someone after just five weeks seeing them only once a week.
So he is busy with work, assuming he has normal working hours why can't he see you some evenings, or weekends?. He has said he still wants to see you. I think you need to get together with him and talk about this and where the two of you think this relationship is heading. Just give him a call, or go and see him in person. I think if it continues you might want to consider whether or not this guy is for you or not, but give him a chance first.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 October 2012):
He's just not that into you I'm afraid. He obviously got a bit carried away with himself at first but has now changed his mind, and is letting you down gently by having less contact with you. Some men are just cowards and would prefer to end the relationship this way, rather than being honest and giving you the real reason behind what's going on.
When a guy is really into a girl he will MAKE time to see her, regardless of work and other comittments. If he's not that bothered about her he wont make the time - simple as that. I dated a guy who I was crazy about, but it was always work or friends or family that kept him busy, he said he wanted to still see me but was just busy at the moment. The relationship fizzled out, but a few months later pictures of him emerge with a new girlfriend and they were married within the year. Just shows, when a guy really likes a girl he will make the time for her - when he's not that into you he wont bother.
It is odd that he said he loved you in 5 weeks and then has now backed off, but then again some men are odd are we cant tell you exactly why he's done this I'm afraid. I dated one guy (a different one to the example above) who was massively into me at first, always calling me, texting me, asking to meet up.... constant contact basically. Then one day I get a text saying "we need to get to know each other better" so I'm like, okay, well lets keep seeing each other and see how it goes. Never heard from him again! I was a bit upset and did send him a few nasty messages, he was so into me it was scary at first so I couldnt understand what changed!
Then nearly 3 years later, he randomly messages me on a dating site we were both on (I hadnt noticed him on there) and we got talking, I asked for an explanation of what happened and he said he scared himself with how much he liked me and got cold feet. So we started dating again, things were going well and guess what - he vanished on me again! No explanation, no 'we need to get to know each other better' - simply stopped replying to my texts!
So as I said, some men are weird and cowards. I know its hurtful, but probably best you let him go, write him off as a bad experience and move on. You will know if a man really loves you, he will want to spend every minute with you. A man that is growing more and more distant doesnt love you and is messing you around.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): It depends on how much he sees you in the month.. If he is working hard then he will priorities work above all else . I mean current climate dictates that you do what you gotta do to keep your job, as unemployment is rife...
And we can all emphasise that yes you will miss him etc but after a hard days work we just want to chill .. How far does he stay from you .. Can't you take it in turns to visit.
Give him the option of you coming round to his and see what he says if he's not that keen, then it could be he's mr novelty novelty who likes to chase catch then gets bored..
I hope not and wish you well.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 October 2012):
Hi
Sounds like he's cooling off, nobodys busy 24/7,if they want to see somebody they will make time.As you were only meeting up about once a week anyway he could keep that up surely?
Next time he wants to see you do not be available but say you are free another night,then suggest places you could go, cinema or for a meal maybe.Don't just let him come to your place.
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