A
female
age
41-50,
*ildhorses
writes:I have been speaking to a guy for over a year now online. We met up once last year. We live in different states and are not committed to one another. However, we have spoken of a life together with no specific date set for anything moving forward. We are nlth single. He wants to get a few things in his life in order, as do I, but I would be willing to do this together. He speaks of wanting to see me again, which we could so easily, but he makes no plans. He said he would fly up to visit me in Jan...never happened. Last night, I hooked up with a guy I used to have a thing for. He was in town. It was fun but no feelings I have for that man. I was homest and told the guy I like about what happened. He was not upset but says he is not in the mood to discuss this any further. I feel guilty and I'm not even dating the guy. It's because I care about him but we have no real plans. Only talk. Does that mean I wait for when he is ready? I think not. He did say that I'm single. But, I feel he is bothered. I wish he would just step up to the plate if he really wants us to try something. He is almost 41. I'm 32. We are not kids anymore.
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female
reader, Wildhorses +, writes (4 March 2013):
Wildhorses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSometimes being too honest can bite ya in the arse. I feel good being honest but perhaps this was a mistake. Even though him and I arenot together, if he were hooking up with a girl, I would be bummed but realize, we are not dating. Perhaps it would create me to stop talking to him. I spoke to him later in the evening. He said I'm over reacting and thst I'm single. He also said that I didn't owe himan explanation. He is not interested in discussing it either. So...maybe he does not care. But, if you like somebody as he claims, wouldn't he care? If him and I stop dreaming about future plans, might be best. I'm tired of wanting more. Yrs, I'm willing to relocate if we decided to meet up a few times.
A
female
reader, Wildhorses +, writes (4 March 2013):
Wildhorses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you. I was hoping we could meet up again but he wants to get his life going. There are many questions and concerns I have. He is currently not working anymore. Wants to get a job and feel alive again. I'm sure there are many things he withholds from me. I think the best thing to do is kedp things on a friend basis. Stop the fantasy future talk. I'm willing to meet up anytime. He is not. It makes me wonder if he is hiding something. I believe the man is the hunter. He is not actively hunting me down. If he wanted me bad enough, he would have come in Jan like he said he would. We have ken on the phone many times, and chat everyday for over a year. I should not be feeling guilty that I want to meet a nice man. I'm not going topass up on a good guy. Even the guY I
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 March 2013):
The reality is that you don't REALLY know each other until you been in a none virtual relationship, because virtual relationships are just what you said they are: all talk.
The person you THINK he is is only who he SAYS he is.
A little bit about me: I'm funny, intelligent, kind, patient, etc. But ask my wife and she might like to add lazy, messy, too easy going, and I yell too much.
So moving forward on a relationship with a person that's based solely on meeting them once isn't a good idea. He knows it, I'm sure, hence his unwillingness to take things to the next step.
If you're serious, find a job and a place to stay near him so you can truly get to know him. Don't make the mistake that so many people here have and assume because the talk is good that he is too.
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