A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I do not like giving blow jobs at all. I could live my life quite happily never having to do it again because for me its not really a pleasant thing even if my partner enjoys it. I'd rather him miss out than endure my gag reflex telling me how horrorifying i find it. But with the porn industry i find that most guys expect blow jobs and see it as a normal part of every relationship nowadays. You are considered a prude if you believe any other way.Basically in your relationships, are blowjobs important and could you/your partner be happy to learn to live without them?Am I abnormal for hating them?Would you date a woman who would not preform one?
View related questions:
blow-job, oral sex, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 March 2013):
 Honestly, I'm fan of giving, but not receiving. I really don't enjoy it, but at times that is how we end up and I just go with the flow and let my husband do his thing.
Gagging doesn't HAVE to be a part of blow jobs. That would be deep throating. Or the whole "mouth fucking" (pardon my language) And THAT is pure porn. Learn to use your HAND & mouth at the same time and not try and cram the whole penis down your throat, no wonder you don't like it.
As for dating. I think MANY guys would be disappointed that you won't try it with them. But it really comes down to the guy.
You could read :
Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing by
Sadie Allison it has a LOT of great suggestions and ideas to have "oral" fun with a guy.
With all that said, there are things I don't like in the bedroom and thing I just don't WANT to do. Same as you. And I feel that is OK too. But one bad experience or sucky boyfriend, who tried to play tonsil golf with his penis shouldn't ruin oral sex for you. My suggestion, when you have a BF that YOU really trust, try it - let him lie on his back so you are 100% in control of HOW much goes in your mouth. If it still isn't something you enjoy then be honest about it and tell him you still don't enjoy it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Dear OP,
My second husband would have lived forever without blow jobs. I like doing them so I begged him to let me try… (how’s that for a role reversal gang) and after I was done he swore he’d never do without it again.
My current husband demands that it be part of our activity at all times and I’m fine with that… we joke about how perfectly suited we are because of my desire to give then and his to get them.
Sadly for me I do without reciprocation (and I can tell you that I miss it terribly but I knew this going on)
So my take on it is.. it DEPENDS on the man… some will not want, some can do without, some demand it and need it… and I agree with Yos it’s not about porn… it feels so good… just like oral feels so good for women….
You are not abnormal for hating them… but I wonder if we worked on your gag reflex would you want to learn to do it? It’s a very powerful thing you know… a man letting his most precious body organ in an area that could seriously injure him… TRUST baby….
I am betting if you have a fairly NORMAL gag reflex that your doing blow jobs the wrong way… I never gag from them and I can barely swallow pills. Feel free to PM me for private talk about it if you like.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 I'd mind yes. But you can do it without your gag reflex kicking in. There's many ways to make it enjoyable without having to put it more than just a little bit in your mouth.
It's not porn either' as others have said. It just feels very good.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (4 March 2013):
Dear OP,I am not a man but I myself would really, really mind if my partner was unwilling to give me oral sex. It's my favourite form of sexual pleasure and I think that many people feel the same. Of course it's not tragic to not get everything you want.. but not wanting to give a blow job somehow says "I find your penis/genitals disgusting". And that might give someone the feeling of being rejected. I would feel rejected and it would hurt me. I would accept a temporary stop with oral sex, but I would always hope somehow that I can change my partners' mind about it. I guess I'd always want to know why my partner doesn't like it and assume some bad experiences and would like to change that by getting him accustomed to it in the end. I don't think I could ever take no for a definite answer. But besides that, it sounds like maybe you are doing it in a way that doesn't feel good for you and I am sure you can change that a bit. I would not blow a guy in a way that makes me gag, or have him come in my mouth. Those are my boundaries and I want them respected. Of course you are not unnormal and maybe you will eventually find a guy who doesn't mind. But if I were you, I'd first find a guy you like and then maybe you can figure out some kind of compromise. Or you can develop a way of giving blow jobs in a way that works for you. I also highly recommend some instructional porn. FWell, that all being said, if you really don't like it and won't ever like it in any form, be honest about it from the start. If a man then decides to be with you, you will know he accepts you and won't make a fuss about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): Hi, you may have to compromise at some point if you meet someone you really love and want to please him.Why dont you tell him to use a condom when you give him a BJ. Also you get the flavoured ones and that makes a huge difference.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): We can't all have everything we want in life. I would love to be a billionaire. Or an Olympic athlete. But instead I have to settle for the sociology economic class I am in and my best efforts as an amateur triathlete.
It is not tragic to not get everything you want. There are needs like water, food, shelter. Then there are desires. Therefore I think that not getting everything you want in the bedroom from your spouse shouldn't be seen as something devastating and life-crippling and tragic. Otherwise that leaves so little room to find and build a happy life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2013): "are blowjobs important and could you/your partner be happy to learn to live without them?"
Yes and no, I couldn't live without them. Especially seeing as if your gag reflex is activated you're doing them wrong. Even if it's just the taste then there's flavoured condoms, lubes etc.
"Am I abnormal for hating them?"
Not at all. The vast majority of us guys know exactly how you feel OP, I certainly don't find the idea of shoving a penis soaked in pre-cum into my mouth. Nothing unusual for a woman to dislike that either.
"Would you date a woman who would not preform one?"
No. For me it's a sexual need, not just a luxury. I know plenty who don't see it that way, and I've had plenty tell me it's not a need for me. But honestly I've never had a good sex life with a woman who wouldn't give me head. Intercourse is just not enough for me on its own to keep me satisfied. I actually feel very sexually frustrated without them.
My fiancée of 7 years loves them. We're very compatible in that way.
It's nothing to do with the porn industry, guys have always liked blow jobs. Besides most women need to receive good head too as part of their sexual diet. Especially those that can't orgasm from intercourse alone, they need oral to supplement that.
Op there is nothing wrong with you and as CMMP stated, most give up doing them after marriage. There's a joke that even goes "Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle? Because she knows she's given her last blow job."
Now I would divorce a woman like that, although I don't have to because I ensured I'm going to marry a woman who wants that as a regular part of her sex life too.
It's nothing to do with porn, and it doesn't make you a prude. Just make sure you let guys know they won't be getting any off you, ever.
Like CMMP said OP, something is just missing without it, a sexual relationship is just not that good without it.
I mean come on, would you really want to have a sex life purely composed of just intercourse with no foreplay? That too is seen as a normal part of a relationship. What you're asking is to take something out that a lot of guys like. Imagine you were never going to get head ever again? Or maybe never be allowed use a vibrator because the guy feels threatened by it.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Personally, I love oral sex, both giving and receiving. My last GF hated it. I only got one BJ in the 3 years we were together, and that was a very half hearted few licks and it was over.
Honestly, I hated it. Of course, I'm a very sexual person. I don't have many boundaries in that department, so my goal is to find someone with similar views.
Are you abnormal for hating them? Not in the least. Lots of women hate them, just as lots of them love 'em. To each their own.
Would I date a woman who would not perform one? Been there, done that, will NOT do that again. That said, I'm sure there are guys out there who wouldn't care. Everyone is different after all.
Personally, when it comes to sex, my goal is always to give my partner as much pleasure as I possibly can. This works best when your partner feels the same way, because when the pleasure flow is one sided, it builds feelings of resentment.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 March 2013):
Most women aren't thrilled with the idea. Just about every married guy I know, myself included, feels somewhat cheated because prior to marriage we got them, now we have to live off of a once a year bj.
I'm surviving but it does bother me and it runs through my head that I'd have preferred a woman who gave them. I don't think I'd go so far as to say that I wouldn't date one that didn't, but something would always be missing sexually.
I don't believe women do it on purpose, but once they have a ring it seems like they don't see the point.
Anyways, it's better that you're honest from the start. Don't pretend, just be you and if that's not enough for a guy, so be it. Find one you're more compatible with.
...............................
|
