A
female
age
,
*5Mustang
writes:How do I make my husband understand that my desire in sex just isn't what it used to be? When we met quite a few years ago the sex was absolutely great! We practically had sex every day and I even looked forward to it. I must mention here that I am in the 45 - 55 yr. age group. About a year ago I started menopause and the lack of desire became increasingly evident. Please do not misunderstand. I love my husband very much and would not give him up for anything. But right now I feel that if I never had sex again, it would be ok with me. I can not seem to get my husband to understand how I feel. I have tried to talk to him about this. We talk to each other a lot, but he just doesn't seem to get this. This upsets me too because I know this is one of the ways he shows his love for me. But more and more I feel like this is a duty I MUST perform rather than something I want to do or enjoy doing. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cowboy  +, writes (25 October 2008):
I feel sorry for him too, he is in a position in which he will either have to come to terms with never having sex again, or losing/ cheating on the woman he loves, neither of which I expect he wants to do.
I really hope that you get HRT or something and get your sex drive back, it seems to be the only option in which you'll both end up happy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Sure fine, but why don't you understand that he does desire sex or is all about you? When you met quite a few years ago how would you have reacted if he one day told you he didn't desire sex anymore and didn't want to do it again -- if you are honest you will think about how you would have felt back then and not now. Now I am sure you would be happy with such a situation. He is probably a typical healthy man and I feel sorry for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): The menopause and all its symptoms! Mood swings, tropical moments, disappearing sex drive, vaginal dryness etc. etc. My other half went through the mill with it, and I went with her!
Hormone replacement therapy + K-Y jelly might put your love life - and his - almost back on track. It's not a wonder cure, but it helps a bit. You don't have to stay on it forever but it might get you through this difficult time. Go and have a word with your doctor and see if he can help you out.
Hopefully you'll get some sex drive back, but you have to understand how your husband might feel about this situation. If you become intolerable to live with . . . I'm sure I don't have to spell it out for you, but I hope you get through it as quickly as possible.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Tell your doctor. There are medicines now that increase a woman's libido so talk to him/her and get a prescription. Since you loved sex before menopause I'm thinking it must be a chemical imbalance.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 October 2008):
I think he does understand, but I don't think you understand that his desires are JUST as much as they used to be.
You have to compromise on this.
You can't expect him to have no sex so you need to figure out what will make sex more enjoyable for you.
If the relatioship is no longer about sex for you then would you consider an open relationship?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (24 October 2008):
 He doesn't want to face it, because he doesn't want to stop having sex. You ever talk to someone online and they pretend to not understand cos their brain is not working cos all their blood went to their penis? This might be kind of like that. When you tell me it feels like a chore, this tells me that you are still doing it, and this is sending mixed signals to him. If you don't want to do it, don't do it, and he will eventually get the message.
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