A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Why does my live in partner of 10 yrs. not make any attempts to have sex? I always have to initiate and then it's to pleasure him as he just lays there, maybe he touches my nipples, but that's it. He does not get ontop of me and have intercourse. Either I do it or I get nothing and he gets pleasured. I did ask him tonight why and he said ' I started my religion stuff' I was like 'what?' Then he proceeded to say 'why do I start talking when he's trying to sleep?'then he left the room. I feel he's passive aggressive as he will withhold sex as he is fulfilled but I'm not.Can someone shed a little light on this for me? I'm questioning my attractiveness and my relationship right now.He will clam up and give the silent treatment..hence..passive aggressive?
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 July 2012):
 As one of maybe two or three male responders to your posting, and as one who used to smoke a good deal of marijuana, I basically agree that you should plan a good exit strategy from this relationship. In my opinion, the smoking is not necessarily a cause for his addition to masturbation or disinterest in sex with you. It never had any such an effect on me, but everyone is different. The relationship is apparently just a disaster, based on your postings.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I live with a man who smokes pot daily, who drinks daily, who watches porn and masturbates.. who still wants to love on me on a regular basis….
I agree with YouWish… he’s not a good partner… I would stop rowing the relationship boat and see what happens.
IT’s going to be a long quiet spell with him so set up a life without him so that when you are realizing that it’s over and done with him, you have your exit strategy in place.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 July 2012):
 This guy's gross. Why are you even with him?
I'm guessing it's because you've been together for 10 years, and comfort zones are hard to break out of unless your frustration level exceeds the rut you're in.
So he jerks off all the time? Yep. That's selfish too when it interferes in real lovemaking. Is there porn involved as well? When someone has become really addicted, it can even interfere with erectile function.
The fact that he's on drugs all day doesn't bode well for him to want to change.
I don't think you're going to get any change out of him. He has to want to, and for him, rubbing one off suits him just fine, and he uses you as a living blow-up doll to jack off to when you let him without thinking about your needs at all.
Stop all sexual activity with him, and be assured that this has nothing to do with how attractive you are, but more how addicted he is.
If he decides to make a change, the website "yourbrainonporn.com" is fantastic in restoring a healthy erectile function and sexual stimulation as well as helping to break porn/masturbation addiction. But he has to want to. I fear that his being high all the time makes the chances that things will change slim to none.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe man has an addiction to masturbation..and he really smokes pot all day long.
Yep..I think it's time to rattle his cage!
Thanks for all the input..he doesn't cheat and no other woman..oh wait.."Rosie" ..:)
Maybe he spends all his energy on 'her'???
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
He's lazy and selfish.
stop pleasuring him
take care of yourself
and start looking for an exit route to this relationship..
as you stop trying to make it work you will see more and more things that are not working for you...
I live with a man who is very selfish sexually... but I knew it when we hooked up and he knows it to..there was no bait and switch here.
he loves to touch my nipples and it drives me nuts... (they are very very sensitive after breast surgery last year)
I asked him the other day "are you doing this for me or for you???" and he laughed and said "for me of course"
at least he admits it.
I would never climb on top of him... If i pleasure him it's because i want to... but then I have a man who will spend two hours cuddling me on the couch... to watch tv...
this is not about your attractiveness in any way shape or form it's about a bad fit sexually with a man who you should consider leaving.
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A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I basically just think he's not interested anymore in the whole you and physically doing stuff with each other. If he had started "religion" that he talks about, when you ask about it he would openly talk about it with you instead of saying that he's sleeping, its just being rude, and I don't know whether he's seeing somebody else thats obviously giving him the sexual satisfaction but he's not worth bothering with if he's doing this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 July 2012):
 I do think he is with holding to punish you for some or other reason, however when you keep "rewarding" him, I guess he thinks he is still "winning" whatever little grudge he is holding.
I think you need to talk to him and not let him brush you off and if nothing is resolved you have two choices, stay or go. (actually 3 you can kick him out as well).
Good luck
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Hi
Possibly because its over,he has probably got another woman. You will have to find out and bring this situation to a head. Its not a reflection on you at all, he has just lost his lust for you. It happens. His leaving the room and asking why you talk when he wants to sleep is just avoidance methods on his part. Talk to him when its more appropriate, he's treating you badly and getting away with it at the moment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): I am sorry to say this but I don't know any other way to say it. he doesn't love you.you either have to accept the situation or leave him and find someone who loves you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 July 2012):
My agreement is with "YouWish." The man seems basically very selfish based upon your description of the situation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 July 2012):
I'd say that his problem isn't that he's passive aggressive. The problem is that he's selfish and lazy in bed.
When you give him pleasure, does he ask for it, or do you just give it to him? If he's asking for it, tell him that you're first, and that he doesn't get his until you've gotten yours, and you're not just talking about the "touch my nipple" crumbs. You're talking about the serious making love stuff.
The fact that he's been a live-in partner of 10 years only means that if he doesn't get his act together, he won't be a live-in partner of 11 years. You have options, and you either accept his lazy, selfish crumbs, or you tell him to shape up and stand up for yourself in your relationship, or you show him the door and find one of the zillions of guys out there who would love to pleasure the living hell out of you and actually take pleasure in seeing you satisfied.
Nothing will change without you pushing for it. Shake the tree. Shake the comfort level, and bring the relationship to a crisis point. You don't have much to lose. Sure, you'll leave your comfort zone, but what's more important...a comfort zone or passion in your relationship?
Before you touch him again, talk to him. If he pull the "I'm sleeping" crap, talk to him at noon. If you're having sex, you should be able to talk about anything.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 hey sweet lady.. I think this is one of the signs that he has lost interest in you. Cheating or having sex behind your back..he just wont tell you the truth as he walks away when you try to talk about it.
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