A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why does he suddenly seem distant?I've been chatting with an old high school friend for about 4 months. We've been talking everyday (facebook, skype, phone, etc) and it was pretty intense-talking about the future, him telling me he misses me, almost that he loves me, just being really sweet, making a lot of effort to reach out and talk to me daily.Then, over the course of this weekend, I haven't heard from his as much and the conversations I have had, are short and very platonic. He's coming to visit me in about a month and we've built this trip up to be super romantic etc...I don't understand why it went from being like it was to how it is now. Did he suddenly lose interest for some reason? I don't really want to call him out on it because it might be nothing and I don't want him to find me "needy". Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 October 2013):
 name, not mane....
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 October 2013):
YouWish brings up an excellent point.
YOU know his first name, last mane and maybe even his date of birth so YOU can look him up and find all kind of information.
He might have told you he is separated, but in reality he isn't. It just sounds better then "I'm considering cheating on my wife".
I would WITHOUT DELAY spend the $6-10 to look him up
http://www.intelius.com/
http://www.peoplesmart.com/ is another website.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 October 2013):
 Be careful. "short and platonic" all of a sudden means his wife or girlfriend has discovered you. I'm guessing she caught him, but he's still wanting some sex, so he's sneaking communication with you to keep the link. Think about it - he's coming to visit YOU to meet up. Ask him about coming to see HIM and see what he says. I'd be surprised if the relationship continues after he meets you for sex.
Better yet, do your research on the matter. Intellius or Mylife search him, and it's possible a spouse might come up. Also, when you find his address, if it's a home and not an apartment, do a property lookup on it. Typically, married couples have both names on the registry.
I'm not kidding. Nostalgic butterflies should never ever cloud your judgment when it comes to protecting yourself from getting used. Make sure he's not with someone, because the signs are there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): I agree with Honeypie's answer. Usually, if a guy is in communication on a fairly regular basis and it suddenly falls off; it's often due to a spike in personal affairs, or he may have found another prospective love-interest. That doesn't mean you're not at the top of the list. You're talking regularly; but not yet officially in a relationship. You're still free to pursue other connections.Unfortunately; it is not unusual for some guys not to notify someone he's talking to, of every detail of his personal life. That's what Facebook is often used for, when you can't make individual followups.He may offer only limited access; because he is still in a decisive stage of how interested he may be in pursing a stronger connection. He leaves his options open, and doesn't want to scare away good prospects. He also doesn't want to build momentum too quickly. People tend to put the cart before the horse; when they're anxious to start a relationship. There isn't always an easy way to ask someone to slow down, without hurting their feelings; or embarrassing them. Some immediately take it as rejection, and walk away insulted.Depending on how sensitive they are.He may also avoid contact, if he is undergoing personal problems; which he doesn't care to explain. He doesn't want to seem problematic, emotional, or unstable. You'll get the word when everything is under control. He may not want to burden you with issues that may be too embarrassing, or intense to discuss.It's a good idea to just hold out. Most women don't like this suggestion; because they're anxious to know what's going on. Well, if you do decide to contact him; if your timing is off, you may not catch him in the right frame of mind or mood. If he's snippy or impatient, you'll take it personally. He may be under pressure at the job, and not mean to take it out on you. He could be really busy.You may find yourself pushing for details that he may not want to offer, and could misinterpret that as being evasive.I am speaking from a personal experience with an intimate friend. I received bad news from home, and just needed time to attend to family issues. I was grief-stricken and in shock, and it was hard to talk to anyone but family. I was inundated with messages and voice-mail from my own family; and had to place them in priority, even over business calls.Be patient. You can ask him when you do hear from him. He does have a right to take a break. Messaging does began to plateau at a certain point; and sometimes you get writer's block, or just run out of things to talk about. You slack off just for a breather, and to slow things down a bit. I often get messages that are repetitive, and from people who are just bored with nothing important to chat about. Just killing time. I don't personally use messaging from a romantic-interest as a measure, or gauge, of how much they're attracted to me. I think how they treat me, and the amount of quality time we actually spend together says it all. If separated by distance; I look forward to hearing from them. However; my life is so busy, I have enough healthy distraction to keep me occupied. I answer DC posts on breaks, and when there is a lag in things to do.I don't always have the time to get back to people right-away. I can get as many as 20-30 text messages in half an hour. Many are business-related; but a lot are my friends. It may be only one person with a lot of time on their hands! I love them all, and they know it. I give them real face-time to prove it.That's my perspective on it. I don't expect many women to agree. They feel if you don't text constantly and persistently you're losing interest. I get annoyed with messaging after a certain point. I get messages from people all day long. Even in the middle of the night. I do get back to them all. I do have work and other things that require attention, and messaging or personal calls may take a backseat. I multitask throughout my day, so I need time to gather my thoughts and energize. Even sleep! If he's losing interest, married, or found someone else; I hope he's man enough to let you know. In the meantime, stay busy and distracted. Check out another dude, if you want.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 I don't think your being needy by asking him if everything's ok or if anything has changed.
You last saw this guy when you were in high school and have been talking for a few months and have both built his visit up into something super romantic and (let's be honest) erotic.
He might be getting a touch a stage fright! He might be feeling a lot of pressure to perform well and may be concerned he's not experienced enough or won't live up to your expectations.
Talking about sex and phone sex are completely different to actually doing it for real.
Your guy may not be as confident in his body or his sexual prowess as he might believe you are in yours.
Then again it could be any one of the reasons that Aunty Honeypie mentioned.
I also think you should speak to him and ask him what's up.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Because it's time to close the deal or break it. If he is commitment phobic all his insecurities will be coming to the forefront
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (14 October 2013):
 Give it time, it may get better...Or the reasons behind his being distant might reveal themselves.
Guys can be distant for any number of reasons...
It could be nothing, or it could be an indicator of a major issue. Hard to say at this point...
Just wait and see how things pan out...
And, I hope things work out great when he comes to visit you. :)
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 October 2013):
Is he married? Do you live far from each other?
If he is married, well then maybe he found his conscience. If he is single, maybe he met someone closer by? And since THAT is still new he hasn't told you yet?
Or, he lost a close friend/family member or one is sick and he doesn't want to share that because it's less then romantic.
As you can see there can be a myriad of reasons why. The only way you will know is by asking him.
Why not call him tonight (after work hours) and ask him what's up?
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