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Why do younger men fall for older women?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2008) 12 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Why do younger men fall for older women? This keeps happening to me, and lately a relationship with a man 9 years younger is getting quite serious... I am worried that this is just a passing fancy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010):

Well i have a younger men that has perused me from the beginning, we have been together for nearly 2 months now. He is getting serious. He is 29 nearly 30 and i am 56 nearly 57, we both have our birthdays in the same week/month. We are both very happy, but i worry about the future as well and feel insecure.

He tell me he wants to be with me always,and doesn't see the problem in age at all. I point out the fact his role could change from a lover to a carer in the future, but all he says is roles change in relationships as we get older. Even talks about living together and buying a house. Age, time has no bearing in his mind and says he has met the love of his life.

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A female reader, karenswart South Africa +, writes (25 January 2010):

I am also involved with a man 20 years my junior.As in any other relationship there is a special connection and attraction which is based on mutual respect, love admiration.We are both successful professional people with our own money.We are healthy, fit and attractive well adjusted people.The relationship is 18 months old.The only thing that saddens me is that I will not be able to have his children.However many youger couples have the same problem and they live around it.We prefer each other above any one else...perhaps it will lead to permanence perhaps not as in any other relationship..tme will tell.

Ageing is limited thinking and a specific mindset.

Please do not let it withhold you from enjoying a warm loving committed relationship with someone who is crazy about you!That seems silly...why not you are not hurting anyone!

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A female reader, B_sharp2 United States +, writes (14 May 2009):

I am currently involved with a man 20 years younger. He is financially secure, more so than I am. So, his reason for wanting to be with me isn't money. I actually have had more concerns about this than he has. But, I'm secure with myself and because he is the special person that he is am willing to risk what may come.

From the beginning, he has been very open about his admiration for me, my artistic development, my wisdom, my beauty, and all of the things that should matter when falling in love with someone... There is respect and love. That is timeless... If you find it, hold on to it. Don't worry what the rest of the world thinks.

This is your time and your life. Live it well, and love.

Cindy

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A male reader, gadfly_in_your_drink United States +, writes (19 November 2008):

For the same reason young women fall for older men. A desire for a learning experience, and or money. Two instances from my own life experience will illustrate. When I was in college I tutored an ADD "latch key" and "prep school boarded" young man in my college's developmental education department. He was a gregarious and very charismatic chap, 24 years old at the time. At some point, he told me, without any prompting by me, how he lost his virginity as a teenager to a 34 year old "hot" "desperate housewife" whose husband apparently wasn't getting the job done. He certainly didn't seem to think that he was any sort of victim of sexual abuse (though he was legally of course), and he praised her willingness to initiate him into the mysteries of sex. Women that age (with him still ten years younger than she would have been at the time of their tryst) will just "f*ck your b*lls off," he assured me. He believed he was offering me sound advice, in the spirit of Benjamin Franklin, that I, as a fellow twentysomething, should make use of.

A few years later, I knew this guy, a "friend of a friend" who was around 32, and who ran a landscaping business. He was muscular, tanned, decent looking, ambitious, and married to a women near his age. Then he started working for the wife of a rich businessman often out of town, and who was at least 15 years his senior. Within a few months, both couples had divorced, and the yardman and this older woman had married. He no longer seem to work the long hours cutting other people's grass; he just serviced a few long time existing clients, and of course, her.

Like it or not, cougars should not labor under any more delusions about "love" than sugar daddies.

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A male reader, gadfly_in_your_drink United States +, writes (10 November 2008):

They don't. As anyone knows, for any man, regardless of age, to succeed with women what he possesses must be NO LESS than six inches long, and the more of them ($$$) he possesses, the greater will be his success.

Ok, well really it depends on how much the age difference is. If there is no more than a five year age difference, then yes, a normal relationship is possible, and some social scientists actually think (based on some degree of empirical evidence I guess) that a slight age difference (with the man slightly older) is some sort of ideal reproductive arrangment. But if you are talking about what I suspect you are: "old" men and young "tarts" ala Anna Nicole Smith, etc., then the only thing the women is falling in love with is the old fart's bank account. My rule of thumb (in inches) is that if the age difference is greater than ten years, it's bound to be a sugar daddy, gold digger arrangement.

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A male reader, Cake1011 United States +, writes (28 January 2008):

Cake1011 agony auntI just want to say that for any man -- young or old -- you have to worry about long-term potential and feelings permanence. If this person feels like the right man for you, stay with him. Something may come up in the future (It's possible for any relationship), but as long as you continue to love each other and be loving towards each other and always communicate with each other, you should be fine. If you ever have any problems, couples counseling is the way to go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Oh, this gentleman has plenty of money, we both do. Yes, I am fit, pretty and fun, successful and independent. I do not really want kids, but do want to be in a stable relationship with a man who loves me. I look much younger than I am, and men my own age are usually not fit, or married, or have issues, and I simply do not seem to attract them. But I still worry about the permanence of their feelings, and the long term potential.

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntI completly agree with Yos and all his ponits.

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A female reader, Sams_WonderWoman United States +, writes (23 January 2008):

Sams_WonderWoman agony auntYounger men fall for older women because they LOVE them. It is not a passing fancy, so don't worry about it.

My son married a woman 12 years older than him, and couldn't be any happier. He was married before to a much younger girl, and she met another guy at work who she left my son for. He then met this wonderful woman who treated him a lot better and was more in-tuned to him and his needs. He told me that older women are not as fickle as women around his own age or younger.

Age is just a number, it's how you feel inside and feel about the one you love that really matters!!

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntYou lucky Girl. Just enjoy it I know I bloody well would.

Take it as you still that attractive to get one. Just dont think of it as long term, and if he loves you and stays then its a bonus.

XX

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (23 January 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntBasically , it is about money.The older woman would pay for his upkeep. He is like a kept man.

Older women are not too demanding and do not expect much from the man.

In 10 year's time , you will be old while he is still young...

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (23 January 2008):

Yos agony auntSeveral reasons that I can think of. Note, these are all big generalizations!

Experience: older women tend to be more sure of themselves and more confident. They know what they want more in life, and in love too.

Independence: more self sufficient, stronger and less needy (in some ways at least).

Sex: usually more uninhibited, better at communication and more aware of their own bodies and sexual response.

Those are good things, these are not:

Impermanence: it's easier to see the relationship as not having long term potential (as you mentioned). This takes the pressure off, especially if the man is commitment-phobic (and many of us are).

Being 'mothered': they do say men fall in love with a woman who reminds him of his mother. Sometimes that can be a little 'too' like his mother...

No marriage / kids pressure: above a certain age its no longer an issue. Of course this can run the other way, I've seen on several occasions women with younger boyfriends run into big problems because they've been together for years, but when she reaches mid-thirties he's still 'not ready' and they have to break up. Result: the woman is single in her late thirties with very little time to find the right man if she wants kids. This happens more than it should...

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