A
female
age
36-40,
*upidlover89
writes:Can someone please give me an educated answer on this one? Preferbly a man?!! Why when you have been seeing or dating a man, spending all of your time together, getting treated like a queen, being introduced to the friends, being included in near future schedules, and sleeping together, does a man then proceed to tell you that he is not "ready for a long term" commitment? Or tells you that he does not have the time for a relationship?Why men do you also apologize for leading us women on? How could you have not known in that amount of time that you were not leading us on, you didnt care before the "relationship" question came up that you were leading us one? Can you men please explain this behavior to me? Why does this happen? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (6 March 2012):
 I read a good book about relationships. It looks like you are the "good for now girl." He will keep you around until he finds someone that he wants to marry. Don't waste your time with him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): It means he doesn't fancy you enough, doesn't feel the spark he should, and you will do until the kind of woman he really wants comes along.
Why he'd do that is simple: sex and companionship. Why lead you on? He assumes he isn't because he told you there isn't going to be a relationship.
Why do you continue to warm a guy's bed who isn't going to give you anything? I would think about that more than analyse him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 I am not a man but I’ve dated LOTS of them.. and married a few too…
The problem with “I’m not ready for a long term commitment” is that it leave off the critical part “WITH YOU”.
I think that they “try you on” and see if you are a good fit and give it a “good college try” (i.e. several dates giving it everything they’ve got) to see if you guys could make it work so it appears that he’s totally into you but then he realizes he’s not so he lets you know that while he likes you, you just are not “THE ONE” for him right now… so he feels like he led you on… and he’s a good guy so he apologizes for it….
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): "does a man then proceed to tell you that he is not "ready for a long term" commitment?"
Lots of reasons but I mainly say it when I'm not interested in having one with that specific girl. From my experience that's what it means.
"Or tells you that he does not have the time for a relationship?"
That's definitely a "nice" way of saying he's not interested in a relationship with you specifically.
"Why men do you also apologize for leading us women on?"
Because we knew we weren't interested in a relationship with you from the start but either decided to "try you out" or keep you around for sex and fun.
"How could you have not known in that amount of time that you were not leading us on, you didnt care before the "relationship" question came up that you were leading us one?"
We do know and we don't care because you're giving us all the good things about a relationship, sex, dating, kissing, cuddling etc., without actually asking for commitment, why would we deny ourselves the pleasure of having you by telling you from the start we're not interested in you as anything more than a casual lay with some nice dating time in between? It's not our fault you assume the wrong thing.
"Can you men please explain this behavior to me?"
It's simple OP we guys will take whatever we can get off women, if you give us all of the benefits of a relationship before you actually find out if we're interested in one with you then we'll gladly take it, why wouldn't we? Sex is worth it.
"Why does this happen?"
This is why it happens "spending all of your time together, getting treated like a queen, being introduced to the friends, being included in near future schedules, and sleeping together" we get all that before you start talking about a relationship, why would we ruin that by telling we're not interested?
You just need to make sure you look past the dating part OP and see what's really going on. Dating is dating, there is no implied relationship or implication that there will be a relationship it basically means we're just having some fun. Now while that is generally how it starts, even a guy who's only interested in having some casual fun will do the dating thing to get you to sleep with him, we're used to doing that OP, it's no big deal. Sex costs time and money to obtain. As for introducing to family and friends, why wouldn't we want to show off the girl we're boning like a trophy?
OP it's down to you to find out whether a guy is interested in a relationship or not, not us. If you want to assume those things on your own then why would we stop you? That assumption is what keeps your legs open for us.
I used to be a pretty promiscuous player in the past and you know the biggest thing I learned about women in all that time? They'd rather wrap themselves up in assumptions based on non-existent signs and then reach the wrong conclusion instead of just asking.
I mean at that time I was dating a really nice and attractive girl for about 2 months before she even asked "what are we? Where is this going?" Now I was a player but I was not a liar nor deceiver. I would have told her the first time I met her that I wasn't going to get into a serious relationship with her but she assumed because I took her out for meals and showed her off to my friends and spent time with her that I was interested in that. She assumed that on her own and I had absolutely no reason to tell her, I didn't feel bad because I never promised anything other than what we were doing, sex and fun, and it was her own assumptions and unwillingness to find out wat the deal is that led her to get hurt. I didn't lead her on OP, so I had nothing to apologise for. It would have been leading her on if I told her she had a chance but even if I did say that I wouldn't feel guilty because everyone knows anything other than a 'yes' is a 'no'. 'Maybe' 'I'm not ready right now' 'Maybe in the future' 'let's just have some fun and see where this goes' they're all nice ways of saying a big fat 'no' but designed to keep the hope alive in your heart so we can keep you around for sex and fun.
People just love that hope OP, it keeps them in situations of domestic abuse, it keeps them holding on tightly to very painful crushes, it makes them "forgive" cheaters, it keeps them in poisonous on/off relationships and yes, it also keeps them from asking the important questions because they don't want to ruin that hope.
"Why does this happen?"
The simple answer is, you let it happen. It's as easy as that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Plenty of men who aren't looking to be serious actually will be honest with you. But you will screen them out of your dating list as soon as you hear that, and you will never get involved with them. This means that out of all the non-serious men out there, you will only be dating the ones who choose to lie about it for a while.
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