A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why are men really into you one minute and then all of a sudden you don't hear a thing from them, they don't call or reply to your text's twice this has happened to me completely out of the blue!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Please help me, or better just assure me. I was introduced to this guy via the family. He phoned me on arriving here and we spoke and he said ja we must get together and so on and so on. Anyway did not heard from him for a whole week so decided to say hi how you, he then called me back and said he thought I had falled of the face of the earth, why did he just not call me??? Anyway we got together three times but always with me texting or following it thru. ANyway I spoke to him Sun night after saying hi how you in a text message, so he phoned and we chatted for 30 minutes. He promised he would call and it is now Tues, and I am dying to hear from him, he makes my hormones go wild. And that has not happened to me in quite a few years - believe me-
A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (14 March 2007):
 do yourself a favour and erase his numbers. If two people like each other normally they cant wait to see each other. Guys dont like pressure. You will look back on this one day as a distant memory,let him fade out of your mind. I bet he's loving it. I wouldn't bother meeting him that's if he bothers turning up, be prepared he probably wont be there. You've been treated badly enough. Can you imagine what life will be like in the future with this man?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): Ok, maybe I did not make myself clear. Do not send him text messages, I know it is a popular way of communicating, but stop it, it feels like harassment if it is unwanted..
The mistake women make is waiting for him to call, stay busy, occupy your mind and don't stop dating others if you have the opportunity.
Do not step into the role of girlfriend, by asking questions about where he has been, or like do you feel better, if you have something to say about yourself then share it, but don't behave like a girlfriend. Behave like a friend and he will think you are a cool person that he can let his guard down with without the pressure of leading you on...this will allow him to get attached to you naturally.
So no more text messages, he gets it, you like him, let him call you, and if he doesn't then he is just not ready right now for a relationship....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): This is becoming like a soap opera now hehe! After his call on Wednesday, I text him the next morning just to say that I hoped he was feeling better. He did text me back and said he hoped I would have a good day! I never heard from him all day after that, I must admit I did text him once more (nothing heavy) just casual. I thought he might have phoned me last night but he never! I'm proud to say I haven't text him since as I thought I'd just give him space! Now one of my girl friends has suggested that he called me the other night because he felt bad and maybe he called me just to shut me up, and then because I was being so nice to him about everything, he then bottled out of telling me he didn't want to see me again so he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear to save any confrontation or something. HELLLLLLLLP! I'm not going to get in touch with him till I hear from him first but maybe I'm just going to be waiting for ever?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): I think I was right on in my original post, he likes you and he is backing off because of it, regardless of the death of his friend, that may have got him to thinking about life and how precious it is, and all of that, but I don't think it has anything to do with your dating relationship.
How do you play it? Let him think everything is his idea, don't be too eager, don't go to bed with him too soon, no horizontal mambo on the couch, invite him into your home before the date, and then after, kiss him and send him home....he needs to know you won't give yourself away easily and he wants to feel he is winning you over incrementally...he wants to know you will be in love with HIM, and not that you are just looking for any man to fill the position of boyfriend....guys are really sensitive to this, so even though you are dying to tell him how crazy you are over him, just be sweet and affectionate and let him know you think the world of him, but don't offer him any guarantees at all that he has you hook line and sinker....this is only your second date, you are excited because you really like him, but don't start imagining your future children and the white picket fence or he will vanish for sure. Just relax and tell him you want to have fun enjoying his company so he can relax and not feel pressured into giving you a relationship before he is ready.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (8 March 2007):
Glad he didn't "vanish" as your previous guys have.
If this is your second date, then you should just look to enjoy getting to know him a little better.
Be supportive and empathetic regarding his loss and listen to him talk about it.
Just talk about stuff, and at the end, if you enjoyed it, say you enjoyed it and would like to do it again. Hopefully he'll say the same thing there and then.
Don't look for any commitment as to whether you are "officially dating" or anything like that, because it's not really appropriate yet.
Just have fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): Well, I am glad that he finally realized that you aren't so easily forgotten and you aren't, are you! : ) So you ask..how do you play this? With a cool head and thinking with your head, always. I say this because...I strongly believe a woman should be careful and mindful of her heart, when it comes to dating a man who gets confused, panics, disappears and isn't sure he wants to date her. I know he went through a tough time losing his friend. Many people go through pain and sorrow like this. But many guys who have this experience would tell you what he's enduring, for fear that you would get the wrong idea about him and he would be scared of losing your interest. To me, it's a matter of respect and being nice. We know you are wonderful , you are dateable, you are the best. Believe in that, first. Then when you date this man, just proceed with caution. Don't be so quick to give 'your all' to him. Get to know him as a friend and for goodness sakes, keep your own life busy with other friends and activities. Let him know, you can get on in life without him too. Men like independent woman who aren't cling-ons. Take your time and always, always...use your rational thought here. You can't go wrong. Gosd luck, sweety
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): Update on the posting in question....First of all thank you all for your comments.................Tuesday night he called me....Can I just first say that 3 weeks ago his best friend died so bearing that in mind he's what happened next! Any way he called me last night, he told me he was so sorry he hadn't been in touch (for a day and a half). He wasn't sure how he was feeling, with his friend dying and then the shock of how he felt when he met me he's feeling a bit confused and panicky. He assured me that he totally likes me but is scared and doesn't know what it is he wants but he truely wants to see me again we've arranged to meet on Monday, how do I play it? Or what does it all mean......................?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): From reading your situation a couple of things come to mind, he said after the Sunday date he felt a bit panicky as he did not know what to do next.
I think he is backing off, maybe because he does like you, and is resisting that, which is very common with people, mot just men....He wants to stay single for as long as possible or take things slowly and date others.
What you can do to help a guy not feel so panicky is not to tell him right away how much you have fallen for him, that is scarey, don't text him or call him right after a date, let him make the next move, and if you haven't heard from him in a week or two, you can call him, but I wouldn't send a text, you want to wow him with your personality.
Also, try to date more than one guy for awhile, it will make you feel less desperate, and you won't be waiting by the phone for his call, and you may meet someone you like better and is more interested in a relationship....all in all dating can be tough, but don't give up, that is what it is all about.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (7 March 2007):
I suppose if you go on a date with another guy in the future, you could say, in a really nice casual way, at the end of the date, that you have enjoyed yourself but you are not taking it for granted that he will decide that definitely wants to see you again. You could then say, that if in a few days time he does happen to reach that conclusion, you would appreciate a short text to say so rather than no communication at all.
Stating your needs is quite appropriate and I would find it hard to imagine a person who, having been invited to do so, would still fail to let you know if they didn't want to pursue matters further. Of course, nothing will guarantee this.
If, hopefully, they do want to take things further, you will have started things off well by demonstrating your ability to state your own needs, and thus promote open and honest communication between you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): It isn't the man, nor you, this is just one of those things that happens when you are in the first stages of dating someone. It is a sad thing though, isn't it? When you start to open up to someone and feel all excited but then it unexpectedly stops, you kind of feel a mixture of so many different emotions.
I think with the dating thing before you get to know each other well, you are both entitled to go your separate ways without giving any reason. Out of politeness he could have sent you a text, but as he didn't it shows he is not as nice as he seemed, doesn't it?
I think you will find just as many women do this as men but that you need to stop analysing what happened because it will either lead you to either hate the guy, or you will start to blame yourself for allowing yourself to start falling for him. It is just one of those things that happen and it doesn't mean it will happen with the next guy you meet. Good luck with whatever happens :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers, I should provide more details to help........I've been e-mailing and texting him for a while then we decided to meet....it was truley a wonderful click we had.....by the end of the date we couldn't wait to see each other again! By the monday we couldn't wait he turned up with chocolates and said he couldn't wait for a kiss. we spent a couple of hours together (NEVER slept together) and when he got home he texted me to say he had a wonderful time. He seemed truley genuine but did say after the sunday date he felt a bit panicky as what he was supposed to do next as he hadn't been on a date for a while, the last date he went on he told my he texted the lady in question to tell her he felt they were not compatible so why hasn't he texted me to tell me one way or another?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): To the female anon, below. I think the all the other Aunts answered this question, fairly. I don't think anyone labeled anyone. The poster asked a question about a 'male' who is ignoring her and the answer was given, in that context. If it had been a male asking about a female, my answer would have been the same. Some humans, (people) hate confrontation and choose to avoid telling someone 'they are not into them'. Plain and simple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): Some men can love you but need some space. It doesnt mean they dont love you or seeing someone else. The one in mention of your question is an individual,he may be stuck or have an obligation,be busy maybe.Why do some people always have to put labels on others? Dont women ever do this to men? If you follow the "i hate men brigade" then go celibate instead.
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A
female
reader, oocute  +, writes (7 March 2007):
Most of the time,when men act this way, is either they are tired of that particular relationship or they are seeing someone else. Don't wait for him to come or call back.Instead, try move on you'll definately get someone who cares and ready to talk to you for the rest of his life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): The reason they do this this, is because some of them don't know how to use words and just be honest about their true feelings in regards to a relationship. To some of them it's just easier to disappear and avoid a messy scene. I find that a weak, character trait in some people and if some guys are doing this to you, just look at the positive and feel fortunate, he has done this. It says a lot about them, doesn't it? Just move on and try not to let it get to you.
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (7 March 2007):
 Because some men are pigs, that's why! (Notably not all)
A lot of men find it really difficult to communicate their feelings, and "I'll call you" & then never doing so is often their way to tell you that they're not interested. I think that they do it this way so they don't feel so bad or awkward, but it puts us women in more misery!
Of course, there are those men that TRULY forget... But if they're really into you, I'm pretty certain that they wouldn't.
Find some men that WILL call you back. They are the ones worth spending your energy on.
Best wishes.
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