A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy for almost two years of my life, he was my first boyfriend and the first boy I ever really felt anything for, I gave him everything. However, in that relationship period he was abusive towards me, physically and mentally - I stayed with him like the naive idiot I was back then, thinking I could change the person he was. He cheated on me number of times, nothing ever more than a kiss, but it still turned my stomach and broke my heart. Then eventually, on Valentines Day 2010, I went to say "thanks for the best day ever, I love you, Goodnight" on Facebook, and figured that he'd changed his relationship from with me, to another girl - Which as you can imagine hurt like hell, especially after all he'd put me through.So, since then we've had no contact, I changed my number and I was devastated for a long time. I got into some unhealthy 'rebound' relationships as it were afterwards, because it made me feel better about myself that someone found me attractive, I know how horrible that sounds.. I really do, but I had such a low self esteem. I've been in real long term relationships since then also and I've felt like I've been so in love, then when it ends for one reason or another, I always end up feeling like it was only infatuation anyway and nothing compared to what I felt for my first love.. Which means I'm still rebounding over two years on and I hate myself for it.I don't know what to do, will I ever get over my first love?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): I think you did really well to move away from this person and cut contact with him. Some people aren't able to do that and it drags on for years.
You have dated others and I'm sure you will continue to do so until you find someone who is right. Most people have to meet some wrong ones first, so don't worry, just keep on doing what you are doing and eventually the feelings for your ex will fade.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 Personally, I think we all look for outside approval of our desirability. If we didn't, how would we know we are desirable? I guess I think you are just human. When you fall in love with someone, you become attached to that person. It's physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The attachment is strong. I think when we break up someone we really care about, that bond is so strong that we grieve for a period of time. Some grieve longer than others...it doesn't mean anything. I don't think it has anything to do with low self-esteem. As people, we all want someone to care, we all want to bond with someone else, we all want to feel we're special. If that is a self-esteem issue, then I guess we all have low self-esteem. Perhaps you are feeling like you aren't worth anything to anyone because you were abused by the guy. Don't beat yourself up over this too much. You fell hard for this guy and it'll take time to get over it. Keep going out with other guys and see how things go. Don't worry about finding the "right one"...just go out, have fun, and enjoy your life. I don't know that you can ever really get over first loves, but you can lessen the pain by doing things you enjoy just like Janniepeg said.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 June 2012):
 You are still rebounding because you are looking for outside approval of your desirability, you are still entering relationships for the wrong reasons. You are over your ex but you aren't over your low self esteem. It has to come from within. When you rely on other people you are stuck at the same level as you are now. It's not that other boys can't compare to your first love. You have your heart guarded and are not letting anyone in. What you should do is develop your identity through doing things you enjoy and are talented in, things that make you happy.
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