A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've been off an on with this guy for 8yrs now. i've never been so infactuated with someone like i was for him.turns out that he is controlling,manipulative and emotionally abusive.we break up atleast twice a year because he becomes very short and distant with me.almost as if i don't exsist. then we break up and as soon as i have any physical contact with him i fall right back in to his trap.its weird because i fall in with both my eyes wide open,knowing that things are not gonna stay nice for long.when i come face to face with him after we break up he acts as if i'm the center of his world.the reason why he breathes.it feels so good to have him pay attention to me and tell me all the things i want to hear after going ignored for so long that i get roped right back in.is this normal??why do i keep doing this to myself???i'm not sure how not to be attracted to him.
View related questions:
emotionally abusive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (9 August 2012):
 It's like my favorite Sheryl Crow song, "You are a raging sea, I pull myself out of every day....I plead insanity cuz' I can't stay but I can't leave." So many of us are in this same situation and I can honestly offer you no specific advise. I trust he's not physically abusive. That would be a totally different thing in my opinion. And I assume if you really sat down and wrote out all the pros and cons he would surely have a few more pros than cons so you have to look at the big picture. I always think if someone else came along......I might get out of this endless cycle but I hardly have the strength or the confidence to do so. So write down everything. Write down the good, and the bad. Sometime seeing it in print will help you see the cycle, the reason it goes sour and maybe you can find the triggers and avoid them. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Let's look at THIS phrase in your submittal: "i'm not sure how not to be attracted to him."
Try this. Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself in that mirror, and say to yourself - repeat again and again - "He's a total a*shole, and isn't worthy of a woman and person such as me...."
Do that... stay there in front of that mirror as long as you must, until it sinks in..... and then - when it DOES finally sink in.... you will have figured out how to NOT be attracted to him....
Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 August 2012):
 It sounds as though you derive your sense of self-worth from others. When you realize that the only one whose approbation you should be seeking is yourself, you'll be on the path to freedom.
As it is, you hand over control of your life to this guy because you don't have a clue as to your own value. You don't believe you deserve better, so you tolerate his ridiculousness.
Was your family life chaotic and do you get restless when things are calm and drama-free?
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (8 August 2012):
I suppose after doing this for so long, this is all you know and an attempt out of this zone of relationship or the zone of this man would be out of your comfort zone. I think anyone can see that the relationship is not healthy but at the end of the day it is your life. You choose how to live it so you make the decisions for yourself. But more than often we get stuck doing the same thing over and over and we are too afraid to let it go. There is always a slight hope that things may work out but the fear always holds us back.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): I'm in the same situation its not easy to get out of the relationship they just know how to play with our emotions its a game. To play and hurt us.
...............................
|
