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Why do I seem to scare men away? Is there a hidden rule somewhere that I don't know about?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 February 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

This thing keeps happening to me. I meet someone they flirt, they look for excuses to see me again, we end up having the longest phone conversation and they laugh and giggle and you'd think they like me and then they don't call back or they don't answer if I call them (I call because they ask me to)

I do talk a lot and I'm always sincere. I'm a professional, mature, pretty woman. I live with parents but hate it, love my dog, talk a little now and then about my ex, I criticize my family and ex but I also have a lot of qualities and a great presonality and always make men laugh and I let them speak. I'm always myself with them and if they like it good and if they don't well it hurts my ego a little.

Anyway, I was wondering if there's some kind of hidden 'rule' I don't know about that states that I should be this way or that way or not be myself so I won't scare men away.

View related questions: flirt, my ex

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A female reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle United Kingdom +, writes (8 February 2008):

Dont talk about the boyfriend did for a good few months when we first started going out. It got to the point I was seriously going to ask him to stop or end it but as if by some miracle he suddenly decided to stop talking about her at the same time. It's always a bad thing, if you want to talk about a nice place you two went once or something nice you did together still mention it but say "a friend" rather than an ex.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (8 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntDon't appear to be needy or clingy or intimidating. You can read tons of materials from this site.

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A male reader, Ponungalungb United States +, writes (8 February 2008):

Ponungalungb agony auntHere's my number 1 rule: Never mention the ex - regardless of whether you're bad-mouthing them or not. Bad-mouthing shows that he/she is still on your mind. . . and nobody cares. Nobody.

You say you talk a lot. There's fine line between talking a lot and talking too much. You need to find the happy medium. If you tell your life history in one evening, they may figure they don't need to hear any more.

Living with your parents at your age is a red flag too. . . regardless of the circumstances.

Good luck.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (8 February 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

I am looking through your post trying to find clues why these guys wouldnt call you back.

There's only a couple of things I think it could be: first never talk about your ex, guys are the same as girls they just don't want to hear it, all it shows is that they are still in your thoughts and, moreover, if the thoughts run into the negative a guy will wonder what is she going to be like with me!

Secondly you say you talk a lot. do you mean you are just chatty or that you talk a LOT. Guys can be really put off by this especially if your topics become circular, ie. you keep coming back to the same point. This can drive a guy crazy.

I'm only guessing because you are asking, of course it could be that you are just meeting the wrong type of men.

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