New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224748 questions, 976903 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My girlfriend is a stripper

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 February 2008) 24 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

OK well this really isnt a normal scenario although having a girlfriend who is a stripper isnt normal to begin with. Anyways it makes it harder for me since i am in the military.

Before i start we are both in our early 20's. I come back from being away for a 6 month deployment only to find out my girlfriend started stripping. Right now there is so much going through my head I dont even know where to begin and cant even fathom what i should do right now.

Anyways here goes. Obviously she was waiting for me once i got back and everything seemed just fine. We went out to dinner and after that to a bar to play some pool and get a few drinks. While we were sitting there inbetween a game of pool she says she needs to tell me something. Instantly i am worried in what she is about to say. So she says it. "I am stripping now". At first she was waitressing in there ad then when she needed the money to support her son and debt she started stripping. Now shes been doing it for about 2 months.

I really didnt know how to respond so i sat there in aw for about a half hour without saying a word. Then we left. About two days later. I told her how i felt and that i dont think id be able to handle that. She started crying and eventually told me that she would quit. Now it is two days later and i asked her if she was serious about quitting. Now she says after she thought about it more she isnt going to quit. Not for anybody including myself.

She stripped for a little while in the past which i knew about and quit for her ex husband and now regrets that seeing where it left her. So now she is in debt because of him and has a son who is very young.

Being in a military town makes it all that much harder seeing that guys i know go to the stripclubs here regularly and now they will see her there. while we talked about everything again today she is very clear that she wont quit for anyone including me and she doesnt really know when she will quit even if she gets rid of her debt. She tells me she enjoys what she does and makes it seem like it isnt only about the money although she believe there isnt another job out there right now that she could get in order to pay off her debt and support her son. She thinks im selfish for wanting her to quit, but i dont think thats the case at all. I told her personally i think it is degrading and such but she disagrees.

So then i asked if her parents knew and she said no and that she doesnt plan on telling them. Obviously i am not going to say anything to my parent although id like to ask them for advice but am worried what they will think of her and myself if they found out. I like her and care about her alot and am really confused on what to do. There are so many emotions i am feeling right now. Im 99% sure that she is honest and faithful in the cheating aspect so i am not concerned about that. i just dunno if i could handle it if he planned on trying to make a career of something like this. Part of me wants to breakup because of her job but my mind and heart dont want to.

Any advice and comments would be appreciated.

View related questions: debt, her ex, military, money, stripper

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2012):

This woman has a problem with gaining her amount of wanted attention. And should listen to what you are saying because it seems as though you care for her and want her to be worth more than what she seems to perceive herself as. It seems as though this woman has proven to you, her own sexual satisfaction and that she constantly may need something close to it, to function on a daily basis.

I would like to say that you seem like you care about her stripping and would prefer it that she doesn't. That you want her to miss you as much as you have missed her since the deployment but if she doesn't want to quit now that you are a returning marine, then there are some problems there. And I can see were you would get offended on your part.

I think that you need to call her, make a visit, write a letter, send a teddy bear, or anything to communicate to her that you care about her and know she could be doing something better with her life. That you obviously love her and want her to love you that way in return.

Just please let her know that she is wanted. Because she probably just wants your attention and your attention only.

I'm glad to give this advice because sometimes I consider pan handling for money a horrible marine-girlfriend image. That being a marines girlfriend has qualifications and that I don't meet them. But I do know that I never felt so cared for and adored by a guy I wanted to know more about but chickened out and scared him away all of a sudden.

I think that I need to find security in myself before I allow my life to get on the right track. I do not find myself a perfect match for a marine male that I met a couple of months ago. Trust never felt so delicate to me since I met him.

Hey though, some things happen and some things don't.

It's how someone makes things happen not when. Have an awesome day

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012):

First off,I agree that was a personal choice and she could have chosen a different profession regardless of circumstance. That is not your fault , and I don't blame you, for feeling the way you do! Everyone is up there acting like you need to just deal with it, not everyone is going to be comfortable with their girl doing that for a living and you have that right to ask her to stop. If there is any love in this relationship then she should respect your feelings and come to a compromise , if she can't do that, then you need to leave her.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012):

I started reading this because I'm currently in an amazing relationship and I'm thinking of going to work as a waitress (not dancer) in a strip club and wanted a guys view.

I'm appalled at how men view this subject. The original poster, in the military hopefully for the right reasons but are you doing it for free? No. Life requires money.

Yes, some people go in to this profession for some not so honorable reasons- others.....don't have much of a choice.

All I want is to go to school. So I work at a minimum wage job (I can't pay $400 of my bills this month and that's only $1400 a month in bills) I haven't had my hair cut in over a year because I can't afford it.

My dad just fought cancer and my parents can't afford to help me out. A year ago I was working as a bookkeeper making decent money paid for car my own apt, the works I was set but I have all that up for a guy, in the military---who turned out to be emotionally abusive and nearly physically abusive I hate to think of how things would have turned out if I stayed. Now I'm homeless, I just got an apt I can't even move in yet wondering how I'm gonna pay for everything cause my old job is gone.

Yes I worry about my current relationship because of where I'm considering working. But until someone else is paying my bills or walking in my shoes, I really don't think anybody has the right to say anything.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, NotTheHallMonitor United States +, writes (24 April 2011):

Personally I would say you should not be with the girl, as ultimately she is not for you.

The profession she chose is very alluring. I would not mind having a stripper as a girlfriend for a year, nor would I care when she cheats, but that's just me.

Different types of personas prefer different types of people. She is definitely not your type which is fine.

She also won't stay faithful most likely as that is not her style, which is also fine. I think Strippers should be just as respected in their choice as any other profession. They are going to make a lot of money, and there are simply certain guys that prefer the Stripper personality. Out in the world they want to be carefree and casual and that is exactly what Strippers are. No one should have a problem.

But any real relationship is not going to last, or be found in this side of the world. If that is what you are looking for, look elsewhere. There is a very large array of people out there who would fit your exact preference.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Georgicus Nicaragua +, writes (3 March 2010):

I recomend to you this: try to see clearly what are you against. These women make money, they are materialistic persons, and just or worse than a cold capitalistic freak, they see men as sources of money, trough sex, orgies, trios, ffm, all that your girlfriend does is there in internet, what changes is the face of the woman.

Do this: see porn, see a couple of freaks fucking, an orgy, an ffm, 69, face fucking, tit fucking, blowjobs spitting and all that. Imagine that woman is your girlfiend, "working" LOL.

What do u tell me after you did this? That she´s in for paying debts? Come the fucking on. She earns more than for paying them, and she is just lying. She Likes it, thats simple. Just for the attention she gets, the exhibitionist she is, and the fuck she gets and at the end collects money? I would do it man if I was a young woman, instead of being all day at the office, and payed short, she gets all the attention, the invitations of possibly wealthy guys, treated with respect, because the customers really have to behave in these places if not they are said to leave, and then the drinks, body warming, foreplays and all the sex she wants and needs just like a man does.

The question is not if stripping is good or bad. Is about if you are in agreement with her doing this. If you are sad or mad, please see other women, as soon as you can, and forget her. Maybe will take a time, but I am sure you can, when u see other beautiful women with decent jobs, interested in you. Its funny how some say it takes self steem or self confidence to be with a stripper, for me it takes exactly the contrary, to be a stupid withouth selfsteem. To accept that? Its just like the women that are married to sex pervert millionaires, are just stupids to think he wont cheat on them. Yes, he returns every night, but fucks beautiful women and pays for it, being him maybe the best customer of your girlfriend.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009):

Wow I actually read the entire post your girl friend has left on here. I too was a military man. We had a man in my unit with exactly the same situation you guys are in. His girlfriend became a stripper while he was deployed. They too had a long talk he objected she wanted too... blah blah blah.

Till one day we all were deployed three months into our tour some marine saw a picture of her and started describing her body to everyone, the marine didn't know my friend and the girl he was describing biblically where dating. Mind you the marine said she didn't sleep with anyone. But this threw my friend over the edge, he almost committed suicide, because he truly loved this girl. He agreed to her because he feared losing her, and gave into her request of stripping for living.

What your girlfriend said is true a man should be happy with how beautiful his girlfriend is. Her mind is set in one state and will not change no matter what. Its like a great white shark or a tiger getting a taste of human blood it wants more.

Any rational voice to them will sound negative. What women like these fail to understand that although they are beautiful their lover wants to enjoy the beauty for themselves not parade it in town like the old Greeks and go, "LOOK AT MY FUTURE WIFE!! LOOK AT HER NAKED BODY!!!"

Yes i have known many many women... good women that turned into strip club waitress, into strippers, into prostitutes.

Yes Honey regardless of what you may call yourself, youre in the porn industry, one who sells one's abilities, talent, or name for an unworthy purpose.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, vaqtwitabooty United States +, writes (15 February 2009):

who needs anonymity, i know i sure dont. its funny. my boyfriend actually left this whole article up on my computer, and i took the time to read it which A) shows me he was looking for advice on the topic lol but also B) shows me that alot of men on here have absolutely NO idea what being a dancer/stripper/entertainer actually entails. WELL. lets break this down, shall we? I....have been dancing on and off for about 5 years now. the 'off' time was when i was pregnant, and in 'love'...as some people like to call it. i gave up dancing for the man i was with, at the time...because he didn't want a 'wife' with a stripper image, as he so lightly put it. so you know, i changed...gave it ALL up..the money, my house...all my things...to be a stay at home housewife if you will. all just to find out that i was being cheated on, seriously emotionally mis-treated, lied to, and completely used. LOL so all these people who think that strippers are bad people? hmm.... maybe they have some self-re evaluating to do. I know me.... and I know dancers. most girls fall or come into this profession with one issue or another. some psychological... as with any profession. some just with an intense need for attention....some like the party and the idea of money and drugs and excitement. ME? i liked the idea of financial independence. I am a single mother, who takes very good care of my son, by myself...with no help from the father, who dances again. and i'm VERY glad i came back to it. I am in a relationship with a man who just doesn't know how amazing HE is...and he is insecure about the fact that i dance, too. well, i'll tell you as i tell him. it takes self esteem (and lots of trust) to date a woman in my profession. you have to know that you have her, all of her... and she has to know the same in you. if you have her back in her having this need to make money to support her son, she'll have yours in everything you ever do. keep in mind, hon, that as a dancer... we have to retire from the profession at one point or another. we cant do it forever... looks fade, and at that point it will be out of her system and you, more than likely, will still be there. either in memory or reality. so its up to you, how you choose to go about your relationship. dont judge her because of her need to make money. we dont all get 'turned out' or turn into druggies or whores or prostitutes. we, as beautiful women, get solicited all the time for sex and other things related to this field. but all women do. all the time. if she never cheated on you before, she's not going to start now just because she is a dancer. and on the other end, now that she's financially independent, she wont mind doing nice things for you every once in a while. look at the positives here. your lucky for having the love of such a beautiful young lady. dont worry about how she makes her money, if she's coming home to you, happily... every night? then she's right where she wants to be. her profession will never change that. get some self confidence and some trust in who you are and where you stand with her. she'll appreciate you having her back... and in the end this can be a distant memory teh back of you look back on one day. best of luck to you both, i hope you find your happiness...and now, i need to have a reminder talk with my boyfriend, who by looking up this article, is obviously feeling something similar to what you are feeling. lol. take care.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, vaqtwitabooty United States +, writes (15 February 2009):

who needs anonymity, i know i sure dont. its funny. my boyfriend actually left this whole article up on my computer, and i took the time to read it which A) shows me he was looking for advice on the topic lol but also B) shows me that alot of men on here have absolutely NO idea what being a dancer/stripper/entertainer actually entails. WELL. lets break this down, shall we? I....have been dancing on and off for about 5 years now. the 'off' time was when i was pregnant, and in 'love'...as some people like to call it. i gave up dancing for the man i was with, at the time...because he didn't want a 'wife' with a stripper image, as he so lightly put it. so you know, i changed...gave it ALL up..the money, my house...all my things...to be a stay at home housewife if you will. all just to find out that i was being cheated on, seriously emotionally mis-treated, lied to, and completely used. LOL so all these people who think that strippers are bad people? hmm.... maybe they have some self-re evaluating to do. I know me.... and I know dancers. most girls fall or come into this profession with one issue or another. some psychological... as with any profession. some just with an intense need for attention....some like the party and the idea of money and drugs and excitement. ME? i liked the idea of financial independence. I am a single mother, who takes very good care of my son, by myself...with no help from the father, who dances again. and i'm VERY glad i came back to it. I am in a relationship with a man who just doesn't know how amazing HE is...and he is insecure about the fact that i dance, too. well, i'll tell you as i tell him. it takes self esteem (and lots of trust) to date a woman in my profession. you have to know that you have her, all of her... and she has to know the same in you. if you have her back in her having this need to make money to support her son, she'll have yours in everything you ever do. keep in mind, hon, that as a dancer... we have to retire from the profession at one point or another. we cant do it forever... looks fade, and at that point it will be out of her system and you, more than likely, will still be there. either in memory or reality. so its up to you, how you choose to go about your relationship. dont judge her because of her need to make money. we dont all get 'turned out' or turn into druggies or whores or prostitutes. we, as beautiful women, get solicited all the time for sex and other things related to this field. but all women do. all the time. if she never cheated on you before, she's not going to start now just because she is a dancer. and on the other end, now that she's financially independent, she wont mind doing nice things for you every once in a while. look at the positives here. your lucky for having the love of such a beautiful young lady. dont worry about how she makes her money, if she's coming home to you, happily... every night? then she's right where she wants to be. her profession will never change that. get some self confidence and some trust in who you are and where you stand with her. she'll appreciate you having her back... and in the end this can be a distant memory teh back of you look back on one day. best of luck to you both, i hope you find your happiness...and now, i need to have a reminder talk with my boyfriend, who by looking up this article, is obviously feeling something similar to what you are feeling. lol. take care.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008):

I used to have girlfriend for a year and a bit and she became a stripper, I had a bit of an issue with it but ultimately i tusted her so it didnt matter. However the most important thing is the change that occurred in her as she got carried away with the money and attention she was receiving. Eventually we broke up and she has gone on to date someone who i believe is a customer at the club. Unfortunately my student house is opposite the club so it is hard for me to get away from her. Its hard work but if you really love her and she loves you then there shouldnt be a problem There is no issue with dating a stripper if you know she truly loves you but watch out for any changes that might occurs in her and dont let her get carried away. good luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008):

well dude when you have a grilfriend like this your mind will never be in peace. If you do not have a very high confidence on your sefl as a person you will never be able to trust her. i knew a very similar situation my self and to be very honest i just can´t trust those girls maybe is because of me becuase i dont think i could be good enough according to what she used to have in her past. She says she is not doing streeptease anymore but is hard to belive her cause she does´nt even have a job and she always have money and can afford a very fancy life style. sometimes you think you love but the true is that you are just impressed but it is just for a moment the emotion will pass. im talking to my self when i say this but is not good to your mental health to be dealing with all those voices inside your mind telling your to cut it off. i hope you can have a better perspective than i do now cause certanly it´s very difficult specially if your actully have nice thing going on whit her. You will find no answer on anyone but yoursefl.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Death Valley United States +, writes (21 June 2008):

I am dating a stripper. I find it necessary to be extremely supportive of her due to her past jaded experience with males. We have issues to work out, but some are just too early in the relationship to do now.

I also have extensive psych training. It appears your spouse has given you an ultimatum: her way or the highway, which means her love for you is most definitely conditional (issues of lack of trust in you). The vast majority of these relationships end up in divorce sooner or later. You have a rocky road ahead of you, my friend.

I think Cherriepie may be on to something though. Your girlfriend may view (consciously or unconsciously) your love for her as conditional too. Many women have traditionally not been supportive of military deployments. That's where the term "Dear John letter" started during WW2. You may need to wait and get good personal counseling to evaluate your deficits in the relationship before proceeding.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

Hi there...I've just read alot of really sad and ignorant responses about the stripping profession. I have been dancing on and off for about 6 years and have never touched drugs or cheated on anyone I've dated in that time. I'm currently in a VERY happy, healthy, functional relationship with my boyfriend of two years whom I live with. No, I'm not an exception to "the rule". There are drug atticts, cheater and liars in every walk of life from rightious preachers, to car salesmen, to politicians. The stereotype these folks just described about dancers is the image they have from the loud and dysfunctional minority. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of your significant other taking her clothes off in front of people for a living, then you need to be honest with yourself and her. Ending it may be the best option and I hold no judgment against you for it. I, personally have never had that issue arise, but I have always preferred unusually secure men, even before I was a dancer. As a result I don't end up with people who are unhappy with my job. They are proud that I am attractive enough to make a living at it, along with the brains and personality (YES you need to use your mind, be good with people, and say the right things to actually make big money stripping!!!!). Now you are also away for long periods of time, so I can see where this revelation is even harder for you, point taken. Perhaps, rather than being jealous or upset, you can take COMFORT in the knowledge that she could meet someone else any time....but is CHOOSING to be with you and stay faithful out of love! Not because she is tied up as a single mom with a 9-5 that has no other options but dumb luck in finding a hansome soldier. I am sure that, while over there, you and your buddies have porn and pin-up mags. Consider that these women are also someone else's girlfriend or wife...are any of them actually trying to date you? They are people too with children and men they love DEARLY and want to stay with. As far as finding another job, oh sure, she could take a "secretarial course" or become an entry level service/social worker....do you really think that is going to settle her debts and leave her time to be with her one-year-old?? Not to mention, what she would be paying out in day care and only taking in say 8$-12$ an hour! These other single moms sound proud that they took the modest road and theres nothing wrong with that. But I am proud of my stripper friends who are single mothers sending their children to the finest private schools, feeding them premium organic baby food, nice new things rather than hand me downs ALL BY THEMSELVES with out a man or the government footing the bill. Probably the best part is...they don't have to work full time to achieve all this, leaving more time to spend being a mommy! These are alll just things to consider, I know that you must listen to your heart and do what it healthy for you, I wish you luck in making a sound desicion. And time for both of you to connect and figure out what is best or if you can make things work. You are both young and working hard to make life better. And thank you for protecting our country!...if you have any other questions, don't be afraid to ask! =) =) =)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

man i feel ur pain. i did break up with her because it is just too much for me to handle. the cheating isnt the problem,its the dignity lost. i dunno how u feel about it but i for one cant do it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):

I have watchedmybrother break down in my arms so many times from opening up about his feeling of dating a stripper. The problem is heloves her so much. I don't think it's worth it though, but sometimes it's hard to giveup a bad habit.

That's exactly what you should do though... give her up and move on to something greater.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008):

As a guy and a military, i understand how you feel. Any sane man with a pair of balls wouldnt want any other guys touching his g/f. BUT SEE IT as a JOB, it isnt like it's her hobby.

Would you go dust out Iraq as a hobby? You know the answer, i guess it can apply to her as well.

You have to split job and personnal life(Dont bring the work at home, and vice-versa). You dont act the same in your personnal life as in a tour in Iraq(let's say the stress level is different).

Same goes for your girlfriend, you love her, she worths it? That's the bottomline, nobody strips for life or as a hobby.(oh well there's a few).

You should see beyond your prejudice. She's been honest enough to tell you, lot of strippers wouldnt tell their boyfriends to avoid some drama and getting judged.

If you don't show up at her workplace, it should be alright...

It's absolutely right to talk with her and straighten things out. That there's no way you can approve her job, but that you support her, as her lover.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (10 February 2008):

GrimmReality agony auntI was in a similar position a short time back. You are not going to change her mind. In her mind, you are already yesterday's news. You've been gone 6 months? She most likely has not been faithful to you either. The stripping profession is rife with all sorts of creepy characters. My advice woyuld be to end it. You will never be able to trust her, and if you go off on another deployment, you'll torture yourself on a daily basis wondering what she is up to, which you most likely will already know.

Feel free to Private Message me if you want to talk about this.

Best of Luck to You

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

For a young women she has had already a life in this arena, been married already, which broke up due to possibly this headspace of hers.

I was a single parent when my son was 1. I had no qualifications, money or career path. It never ever occured to me to go into the sex industry to pay my bills. I worked like millions of other women making ends meet. If she has these huge debts which are her reasons for stripping, how bad really can they be. It takes a different type of women and mother to be able to do what she does. You need to realise that this is her choice, not necessity. Stripping is not the only occupation someone in need has available, but she has chosen this type of lifestyle. It's a shame, but her call.

If your not comfortable with her choice, and don't want to be with a women who is able and capable of taking their cloths off for stangers, then you should end this relationship. She needs to realise that whilst she considers your opinion selfish, it is probably the most common opinion many would have.

You don't want her to be a stripper, you don't want to go out with a stripper, then don't. Her choice in my opinion is a poor one. I suspect it will cause many problems in your relationship in the future. Your both very young and actually don't have to be with each other if your have different values. She has made her choice or this choice before you. I think you need to think about whether this is something unusual or out of character with her. Is this who she is?????????

I'd really think about if this is the one for you doll. How will you introduce her to your friends? Perhaps the boys will be out one night and see her, not a good look.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, korculan queen Australia +, writes (8 February 2008):

What are her debts from? Have you seen evidence of her debts? I am thinking she may be on drugs or will eventually go down that road. How would you feel knowing that your mates are seeing your woman's bits on stage? I would be uncomfortable with that knowledge if I was you. How do you know she is not cheating on you? I am not putting strippers down it is just that it is not really a conduit with a healthy stable relationship. I am a sole parent with four children and debts none drug related and I work hard as a domestic violence worker. There are plenty of jobs she could be doing instead of stripping. Good luck mate but I do not see a positive outcome for you and her. Would you get into trouble if your superiors find out about her profession?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (8 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntShe has thought long and hard about it and it won't be easy to sway her opinions. It is about the good money and also about the attractions of the job.

The problem is, if you love her, you close your eyes and let her do what she likes . If you cannot agree with her job, you will have to let her go .

Thats your choice. Good Luck.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (8 February 2008):

I can understand how you are feeling. You love and respect your gf and now she degrading herself by taking up a job as a stripper. Not to mention the fact that a lot of the guys you work with go to strip clubs and would see your gf. I can see how that would be hard for you. You do have the right to feel how you feel and I dont think its selfish of you to break up with her because of this. You have to do what makes you happy and dotn let her guilt you into staying in a relationship which you may not be truly happy in. If you stay with her, you will have to compromise your values and beleifs, therefor that is chanigng part of who you are and thats not fair on you and in the end it wont be a happy relationship.

Having said all that, I think it is also understandable that she may feel desperate enough for moeny to have to start stripping. However now shes saying that she likes it? And even if she wasnt in such debt, or could find a different job, she still may not quit? Thats a bit confusing. Maybe she likes the attention from the males she gets, if so, this adds a whole other issue to the situatio which needs to be dealt with. Lookign for attention and affection and acceptance through stripping isnt the way to go and in the end she wont feel any better truly about herself.

You could offer to provide some money for her (if you can, if not, thats understandable) and you could also offer to help her find another job- help her search for job openings and help her prepare for interviews and so on. Maybe the problem is she just honestly doesnt feel like she could do any better. Or maybe the fact that stripping is 'easy money' appeals to her and perhaps she doesnt have the ambition to do anymore?

You cant force her to give up stripping and if it is honstly something she wants to do then I dont see how this could work out, without you comrpomising your values and beleifs- which i dont think you should do. I say, give this a fair shot, try talkign to her about it more, and offering as much support you can. If thats not enoguh for her to give up stripping then maybe you will have to say goodbye. You dont seem like you could accept her stripping and thats ok...you two may just not be meant to be together. Hope this has helped.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Cherriepie United States +, writes (8 February 2008):

Cherriepie agony auntYou can't have it both ways...Not once in your question did I hear you offer to help her out with her debts. Are her debts your problem....no they are her problem, but if you try to help her make ends meet then maybe you can be in a position to say anything about her stripping. But right now you can't, and she is being reponsible by trying to settle her debts....how can you look down on that? She probably makes mor money stripping than you can help her out with no doubt, but again what are you doing to help her? Maybe you should help her out with by having her move into your stateside residence while you are away.

SO how much do you really love her?...cant you give her something so she doesnt have to resort to stripping. How important is she to you anyway? If she were your wife, how would you support her if you cant even lend her a hand as a girlfriend. The way I see it the reason she resists quitting is because you are not offering her any alternatives, but only demands.

Think hard and fast hunny because you are about to lose her. She can readily see now how much help and support you are to her now...how much better will you be a support to her in the future...that's what she's asking herself now.... Believe or not she is testing your love now...so how true is your love?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well right now her son is only 1 years old. so the schol thing doesnt apply although that is a very valid point to bring up.me being in the military doesnt really help the situation any either although my stress level seems to be a little higher now becaue of this, but i do in fact care about her and want to be with her. I just have so many question i feel were unanswered in our argument over this. I think we need to sit down again in a less stressfull environment and not arguing persay but trying to talk and communicate it out a little better like you both said. I think i will try and do this tommorow and see where it goes from there.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (8 February 2008):

rcn agony auntI'm not going to take sides here. I don't see it my place to validate your being correct or her being correct. What I do see is a damaging form of communication between you and her. It's the "I'm right and you're wrong communication" You want her to quit, she wants to continue. She may feel as if her self esteem rises doing this, you see it as degrading. In that, where is the compromise? Where is the seeking to understand the other persons side, without judgement. Just because you two see things different, and she does too, doesn't make either one of you right or wrong. It just means you see this situation differently.

On a personal level, being a male too, I cuoldn't see the person I want to be with taking off her cloths for strangers. That's my personal belief. I know women though that have different reasons why they choose that profession. Some is time. It allows a full time income working part time and hours where during the day they are stay at home moms. Some, with a lack of education and opportunities do so because stipping does provide many with a middle class to upper middle class income. Some for their self esteem. Women like to be validated, noticed and appreciated.

I suggest sitting down with her and talking. Ask her to tell you why she does what she does and really work on trying to view what she's saying from her side. It may not change your position, but it will give you better insite into hers. Then you do the same. Once you both see from the other side and understand, you'll be in a better position to make a decision of what you want to do. She may stay with her position, or she may feel your sincerity and change her position because of it. Only doing this will give you that answer.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

you have to understand that she has learnt the hard way that she has to suppport her son and herself in life. She probably wants to do the stripping even less than you do, but she feels she has no choice in order to support herself, her son and her debts.

However, you should find a way aroud the situation that means she can still provide for herself without resorting to stripping etc. She should try a secretarial course or something similar so can geta well paid job in an office, which should correspond with her sons school hours. This may take a little while to train for but it will be worth it for all of you in the end. reply to this on here if you wanna talk more.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My girlfriend is a stripper"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625!