A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I am in my late 30s, still good looking - but obviously don't meet as many men as I used to. I wasn't looking for love - but suddenly through Facebook, this gorgeous guy from years ago, started chatting me up. I played it down with him - because although he was good looking - he is a bit older now and not really my cup of tea anymore and so I wasn't ready for a relationship with him.However, he started chatting up other women online I knew too - so I just assumed he was a bit of a player and we stopped speaking. How wrong was I? Since then - I now see that he has moved onto a female friend of mine instead and they are now in a steady relationship going on holiday together, the lot! Therefore, I am now kicking myself, for being too coy with him in the first place.Why do I do this to myself? I have encountered one or two situations where gorgeous guys have come onto me and I just get cold feet or let one of my female friends jump into my place instead. Why?! And how do I get over regretting my actions - as it seems there is no chance of getting him back again now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2015): Isn't it nice though Not to meet all these never ending guys, 99% of whom you don't even like?
I remember my teens and early 20s when all these horny men of all ages were after me. It's not fun at all.
You are nearing 40 and still "gorgeous" guys are for you Is the criteria. Don't you know by now what those are, how spoiled they are by women ?
So you want another player in your life.
The guy from your past is not even attractive to you anymore, so basically you regret about him only bcr he is taking
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2015): Isn't it nice though Not to meet all these never ending guys, 99% of whom you don't even like?
I remember my teens and early 20s when all these horny men of all ages were after me. It's not fun at all.
You are nearing 40 and still "gorgeous" guys are for you Is the criteria. Don't you know by now what those are, how spoiled they are by women ?
So you want another player in your life.
The guy from your past is not even attractive to you anymore, so basically you regret about him only bcr he is taking
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (26 August 2015):
 Hi,firstly, you've mentioned your age, his age and within a context, that indirectly implies, that you're not over the hill just yet, nor he too.The fact is, neither of you are old, nor too old and age is simply a number anyway. You're as young or as old as YOU feel.You could be 25, look very unhealthy and feel bad about yourself and have no real confidence, or you could be 45, be as fit as a fiddle and have confidence plus and these stereotypes do exist.There are many older men and women who look sensational for their respective ages and they could well give those half their age, a good run for their money.You only have to visit many different dating sites, to see this.There are even many dating sites for the over 40s and i have seen one or two dating sites, whereby men and women are only seeking those over 40.They stipulate that if you're under 40, you're not welcome via that specific site, as it's only tailored for the more mature.From all you've said, you appear to let the great catches go.I say, if you and those previous guys were meant to be, you'd have been.Maybe your guardian angels were protecting you from pain and unhappiness. I guess we could never know for sure, but i believe in Karma, in interceptions that take place at the right moment, in order to spare us of any future pain.It's happened to me countless times and back then, i wondered why, but now i get the entire picture.In hindsight, it all makes sense and i am so glad and happy, that i finally met 'the one'.One of lifes greatest beauties, is it's sheer mystery.So many unanswerable questions really and just maybe, we're not supposed to know it all.Have you ever talked to a professional regarding this matter?It would be a really good idea, as you would gain much insight into why you react the way that you do.Why you get cold feet.I would say it's a number of things that have led to this happening to you.Sometimes if we go back to the basics, nature vs nuture stuff, we find that there may have been something that occurred in our childhood that may have much to do with our current situation and/or behaviours as adults.Sometimes even unbenknownst to us, but through great counselling, many can unlock their past and find out.Gain more clarity and transparency in those areas.Also, it could be as simple as you being nervous, uncomfortable or even slightly scared around a new guy, a guy you don't know.Maybe you don't trust new men and worry about being alone with a new man.I may be wrong, but this is a possibility.It may even be that you doubt your own self-worth, hence not allowing anything to progress positively, when a man you like shows interest in you.I am assuming here, that you may need to work on your own self-esteem first, prior to taking the next step.Regarding this guy whom re-connected with you via fb, what 'WiseOwlE' has stated is very true indeed and i was going to say the exact same things.He didn't sound like a true gentleman anyway and believe me.If he truly wanted you and only you, he would not have paraded himself via fb, whooing and cooing different women, making it obvious, so to speak.A half decent guy, will continuously pursue his one and only love interest and moreoften than not, until she tells him to back off basically.He wouldn't just settle for another woman, then go on a holiday and show it all off via fb!In basic terms, a man won't shop around in a candy store, when he is dead serious about the 'one' woman.You are of mature age, i gather that you have enough logic and common sense to see what he was trying to do to you.I say this to you, with the utmost respect.He sounds very immature and i would even go, as far as to say, he is a bit of a player, so you can thank your lucky stars that you were not the unlucky woman, who ended up with him.I have had many bfs prior to marrying my wonderful husband and most of my exs who were serious about dating me, pursuing me and only me, knew how to behave in order to win me over, so too, my husband when we first dated.This guy was not serious about you, he was simply flirting with you and a host of other women.He may have self-esteem issues and he is trying to see how attractive to the opposite sex he still is.This is certainly a possibility.He could even be a playboy, a player.You need to find closure from your past with men, from your letting all the good ones go and say to yourself, today is a brand new day, the first day of the rest of my life and i am going to make it happen this time around, i am going to make it work for me.I won't let this new guy that i like, slip away!If/when i meet a guy that i'm very attracted to and he asks me out, i will say yes!I will let him know that i am interested by use of positive body language, positive wording and we will take one day at a time and we'll see what happens.There are never any certainties in life, but if you don't give yourself and somebody else a chance, how would you ever know what could be?Be positive, be strong and truly believe in yourself and look yourself in the mirror daily and say to yourself, i love myself.This is not being arrogant, nor narcassistic, it's about you learning to love yourself more.As the old saying goes, who will ever love us, if we don't learn to love ourselves first?I am not saying that you don't love yourself, but just maybe, you need a bit of a boost in the self-belief and the self-esteem areas.Most of us do from time to time anyway and this is quite normal.I do wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): Ever so often an OP writes about hind-sighted attraction for someone who made a play, but moved on to somebody else.
The fruit's now sweeter,because it is forbidden.
If he really wanted you; he'd make a serious effort to get with you.
A guy truly attracted and interested in a particular woman, or man, goes out of his way to make their interest apparent. He will diligently pursue his love-interest with more than "chat!" He'll ask you out. Ask you again, and perhaps again. He will not be easily turned down; although, he will take a flat "no" for an answer. He'll ask maybe one more time, to see if you were just playing a silly game of "hard to get." If the answer is still no, he will sadly move on in disappointment. Not go checkout all the possibly single or divorced females in the yearbook from the Class of 97!"
You now feel you made a bad decision; because he's taking someone else on a vacation? Seriously?!! You don't know what that poor woman is going to have endure for such an expensive (if not suspicious) way to get back at those who rejected him. He certainly cast a wide net before pulling in a fish!
Players do that to let the women who turned them down know what they "could've had." It's an old ploy! He's showing off. He publicized it in Facebook for a reason. I'm surprised there's not a picture of him with his thumbs in his ears and sticking out his tongue! Might as well!
Don't you see this is an obvious, transparent, and classic case of "f*ck you ladies?!"
You said you weren't that interested anyway. Until he went for somebody else? That's no reason to desire someone, my dear.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 August 2015):
 Learn from it?
Paying coy might work for a teenager, but not so well with an adult.
If you are interested you can still be "cool" about getting to know someone nice and slow.
The guy you mention obviously tossed out quote a few hooks to see if ANYONE would bite, so while it's possible you and he might have made it, the possibility that he is a better match with the one he is with is greater.
Living with regret helps no one. ACCEPT that you may have let someone go that could have been a decent fella... THOUGH I do find it a little telling that you seem to find him more attractive AFTER he find someone else...
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