A
female
age
30-35,
*abyPorsh
writes:Hi GuysI've been dating my bf for almost a year and everything is/was going well. I have a problem of pulling stupid pranks on him. They seem to be compulsive and I realise the implications after playing with him for a while. I started by saying Im pregnant 2 months back n he reacted fine, but of course I was lying and knew it. Then I told him I was joking, but that didnt mess up anything. Now I told him my parents have arranged a wedding for me and Im gettin married to someone else :-/ he totally freaked out and bombarded me with questions asked why im doing this, do i love that guy, where does this leave him and what not. He was crushed. I went on with my lie and he got more convinced and he shut down and didnt want to talk, I called him later n he sounded distant but i still didnt confess because it wouldn't have known what to believe anymore. I thought about it more n realised how much my "joke" was hurting him, called him and told him It was just a stupid joke I just wanted to see his reaction, well he started scolding me and shouting at me, I apologised but the following morning he was still hostile towards me on the phone, he even hung up on me. I dont know why I'm doing this, I think I just crave attantion. Someone give me some insight please! And must I apologise to him some more??
View related questions:
crush, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): Hi
Thanks for all your responses. I will never do it again, and I will think before I act.
PS: I do love him, very much.
A
female
reader, medha  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Hi
I also did the same thing back when I was in a relationship. It is part craving for attention, and part wanting the relationship to end!
The man wasn't showing me much love and I would hurt him just to see if he was enough invested in the relationship to actually hurt!
Also, the relationship wasn't working and i wanted it to end, so i lied that way! All subconcsious and all crazy!
Of course in your case it might also be that the relationship has hit a rut and this is your way of spicing things up!
:D
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Do you see why we got rid of the sixties, now? Same reason we got rid of Timothy O'Leary.
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 May 2010):
No, no nonono... that gasoline-dousing thing went out back in the psycho-Sixties! q's showing his age again.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 May 2010):
 It's an aggressive thing you're doing to him. It's like you are angry for some reason and have decided to take it out in "joking" way. Of course, there's nothing funny about the "pranks" you chose to do. There was malicious intent.
So why are you angry with him? Both the pranks related to your future together. The fake pregnancy one is a way women trap men. The fake wedding one was a threat that he was losing you.
I'd say you are selfish and lack empathy. You honestly don't sound that remorseful and think that one apology is enough for the torture you put him through. There's something cold and calculating about lying to a guy for so long and watching him squirm. It's cruel.
So maybe you don't really want to be with him, but can't work up the courage to break up with him, so you've engineered this situation so that HE'LL do the hard work of breaking up. This is passive-aggressive.
It sounds as though you need to work on your empathy, think things through to all the possible consequences and outcomes. Poor impulse control, cruelty, lack of empathy. These are sociopathic traits. Have you always done this, or is this something new?
You owe him a year's worth of apologies and if he breaks up with you, you have no cause for complaining.
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 May 2010):
There's a very old piece of advice that says "Don't poke the snake" It means don't aggravate what doesn't need to be aggravated just to see what happens.
No good can come from the flagrant cruelty you're inflicting upon this poor man.
These are not harmless pranks or jokes. You're being cruel for no apparent reason beyond merely entertaining yourself.
One day this will backfire on you and you'll really need him to believe something important and he'll assume that you're up to your old tricks again and he'll just ignore it or tell you to go jump off a bridge somewhere. This is a recipe for disaster.
You need to stop this nonsense and you owe this poor man some *serious* contrition and a solid promise to never repeat this again. EVER.
Only you and he can decide what form that should take.
If everything was going so well why on earth would you seek to make it otherwise? If you need his attention this badly, why not just tell him that? I suspect it's not just attention you crave so much as the dramatic reaction and reassurance that he wants you. So stop this, there are more constructive methods of obtaining the attention or reassurances you want.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): You obviously have a problem with seeking attention, and these stilly pranks are going to destroy your relationship if it hasnt already done so.
These pranks you play are also hurting your bf so I wonder if you really do have any feelings for him or is he just someone for you to play with???
...............................
A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 In your entire post, I see nothing to tell me that you love your gf and that you want him happy. Its all about you.
I guess you are a bit of sadist and your guy is probably a bit weak in the relationship to take all this. After reading your post, most guys will cherish their gfs even more!
...............................
A
male
reader, tdh_immortal  +, writes (21 May 2010):
First acknowledge you put your partner into emotional insecurity with your pranks.Noone likes to LIVE this insecurity and thats exactly y he is trying to avoid u.Soln:confess to him that u now have understood your mistake and wont repeat it again.Soln:for attn:If u say ure preg. he is unprepared for the situation.If you say ure gotto marry he is unprepared for the situ.Unforeseen circumstances arising out of u make u unpredictable.Being predictable and reliable will help u in the situtation.Let me know if u face more prob
...............................
|
