A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why am I always so stupid!I started talking to a guy online in April of this year. To begin with I just took it as a bit of fun, nothing serious. As time went on I started to really like him and looked forward to his emails and spoke on the phone a few times.We live some distance from one another and both lead pretty busy lives. When we met for the first time it felt magical, he was everything I could have asked for and made me feel very special. I think he felt the same way and said he wanted to meet again. We carried on talking and he went in for an operation. After this the sweet messages decreased and I tried to be really supportive as I thought that his priority should be recovering from his operation. We agreed to meet again and this time I went to visit him. We got on really well, although it seemed he was feeling a bit down about himself and attributed this to his recovery. I tried to boost his confidence by telling him how lovely he was and when I left he kissed me goodbye and later sent a romantic gesture to me. Since then, I don't know what's happened, he is like the invisible man. He replied to a text saying that he was being quite reclusive at the moment and didn't know why. I texted saying I was going to give him some space and suggested for him to contact me when he fancied chatting. I didn't hear anything for two weeks, so I text asking directly if lost interest and received no reply. He knows that I like him, has he lost interest?. I know he's been busy, but as it's long distance, communication is the key to sustaining an emotional connection. He just doesn't seem to think about me at all. Have I done something wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): Hey, I'm the original poster.
Thanks everyone for your advice.
I think it's now pretty clear he has lost interest, especially as he still hasn't got back to me. I just wish he had the guts to tell me that he wasn't interested and then that would be it.
My last relationship ended pretty badly, and it took a lot for me to start opening up to someone again, maybe that's why it's kind of hurt a little.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): I know what it is like to lose a connection with someone when you think things are going well. As a woman I sometimes go
into things with expectations and it usually hurts you in the
long run. I try to distract myself with other things and I have been fortunate enough to have some pen pals who have
become like friends. One guy is always giving me advice on my dates. This way I know what to look out for. Don't be hard on
yourself cause it happens to a lot of women and men probably.
It's nice that you tried to be there for him. Feel good about
yourself and treat yourself well.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 I am sorry you got let down. This sort of thing happens a lot when people meet over the internet and a lot of expectation is built up. Meeting face to face is a big deal and a lot of the time, one or the other will decide that person isn't for them afterall.
This guy made a lot of excuses...what he didn't do was tell you the truth. I am sure you would have gotten the message a lot clearer and felt more respected if he had just said 'You arn't the one for me'
By just fading out and giving a load of excuses, he's taken the cowards route out of things and that says a lot about him.
Men avoid telling the truth because they fear womens emotional reactions and that is why a lot of relationships drag on when they should have ended at the first hurdle...I don't think you should have gone for that second visit as he was being flaky with you after the first meeting...operation or no operation.
Try dating closer to home with someone you can see as soon as possible so their isn't a lot of 'hoo har' build up and no long pauses inbetween dates.
Sorry again...try to stay strong and positive, you have plenty of time to meet 'the one'
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 October 2013):
Who knows what happened... I doubt you did anything wrong, it could just be him. Maybe there's something about you he decided is a deal breaker. That's doubtful, but if it's the case it's no big deal. The purpose of dating is to find the right person for you. Obviously he's not the right person for you.
I don't know if you chose your title but being let down has a lot to do with your expectations. You can't expect much from someone you don't know or you'll be let down more often than not. Hence your feeling that you're "always" being let down.
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A
male
reader, rt109 +, writes (22 October 2013):
You've asked him directly and he wasn't even man enough to reply and tell you whether he not interested or not. He's using his operation as an excuse. Forget him and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2013): You've done nothing wrong. In fact, you've handled things as best as anyone can.He seems to be suffering a little post-surgical depression. He may be sensing his age and mortality; and may even be taking medication that effects his mood and energy-level.Check in on him from time to time. If he remains unresponsive; consider that as a sign that he has lost interest. Don't fault yourself, you may not know all the details of his health. He may not feel close enough to you to discuss them. Just allow him space and time for his recovery; and distract yourself by remaining available to other prospects. Don't spend too much time worrying about a man you're not officially committed to. It will wear on you emotionally. It's not fair to yourself.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (22 October 2013):
Why do you think you have done something wrong?
I believe this gentleman has lost interest in you. I think you need to move forward and stop waiting for something to happen with him.
Was this an exculsive relationship?
Why would you not be dating others while you are communicating with this guy? It appears to me that you are putting all your eggs in one basket.
Go out there and enjoy yourself!
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