A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about a month ago, and we were having a nice time watching TV and we held hands, not sure if we were attracted to each other and then we moved to the bedroom and started foreplay which was okay, and then he stopped and said "sorry, I can't do this, I can't do this" What happened? Did I do something wrong?Update: well, I'm not sure about erectile dysfunction,lol, he's 31, and I'm 37. He left quickly. Should I try to get in touch with him or wait to see if he get's in touch with me? Or should I just leave it and see what happens if anything? Update: ok I have talked to him on the phone since and he seemed upset because I didn't make the first move and we didn't have sex on the first date. he has called me a few times and asked me if he can call me and I have said yes. he has called me a few times and I asked him if he wanted more than just sex and he said yes. however I haven't heard from him and he hasn't called me for about a week so maybe he is just busy or has lost interest. Update: why do guys expect sex on the first date? but then if you have sex on the first date think you are a slut or easy and then lose interest? I'm confused. sometimes guys are just too confusing for me lol
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011):
Why do women say they want a nice guy that is interested in them as a person, and then only get excited about guys that don't seem to be very nice or interested in them?
Most people are basically not honest with themselves about what they respond to. Men don't have a monopoly on this.
A
female
reader, g1llybabes  +, writes (15 July 2011):
I really think the sex on the first date thing really depends on your situation. Mine was quite different, we met on the internet, chatted for months on line then cell phone, web cam etc then every day then twice a day until we met. So we felt ready that for us it was the next step.
But after only a month I agree and one date etc... sex should be special if you want a meaningful relationship
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Don't have sex on the first date. If they don't call back, guess what? They just wanted to get laid and move on. If they do call back, they may be interested in you as a person and the sex will happen when you've both had time to get to know each other. Any guy who plays games like this is not worth the headache.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): "but then if you have sex on the first date think you are a slut or easy and then lose interest?"
OP having sex on the first date is the very definition of easy. We lose interest because of that. Where's the chase, the mystery, the excitement, the challenge if you don't make us earn it? What's special about that sex? How many other guys has she not bothered to get to know and just given herself up to? There's nothing special nor meaningful having sex with a girl who doesn't vet guys first or make them earn that privilege.
If you hand it to us on a plate then how can you expect us to work for it after that. If you give someone a gold medal for their warm up, then why would they run the race?
Basically OP, girls that give it up on the first date are "too easy". The first date sets the tone for the relationship, you know? First impressions last. By having sex on the first date many guys will see you as just sex and you'd be surprized at how many of us want a deeper emotional connection, a partner if you will.
When we dream of girls to have deep meaningful relationships it's not the ones who give it so easily, we like to feel we've accomplished something, that we've earned that right because we've worked for it and we deserve it because through getting to know us you've learned we're better than other guys and you want us because of that. Men to need to feel desired, not that we're just a random cock for the night, when we want to date a girl. Girls who give it out easily are belittling the whole process, their devaluing themselves to the point of only being good for one thing. It may not be right nor fair but it's just how things can be.
I've had plenty of one night stands and would never consider dating those girls. Very hypocritical of me I know seeing as I was willing to sleep with them too but I'm a guy and we'll shag a girl when given the chance. In fact I know no guy who has had a successful relationship with an "easy" girl and most guys I know, know better than to even try. That's why I don't get why this guy stopped and why he's acting so weird now. Forget him, the guy is acting strange and it's a red flag OP. It's seriously weird to get to that part of proceedings and suddenly stop. Usually when you get that far it's incredibly hard to not complete the deal.
A piece of advice OP, if you just want a guy to get your rocks off there are plenty that will accommodate you and plenty who will sleep with you, so no need to bother with this flaky weirdo anymore. If you want to date, then make a guy work for it first, a gold medal is far sweeter when you have to work your ass off to win that race.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (14 July 2011):
 my opinion is its your body do what your happy to do with it. I have been with people i have slept with on the 1st date and some its taken months to happen. I dont think any less of the person. To me what matters is who the person is as a whole. If it feels right at the time just go for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Honestly, I think you have every right to feel confused!
HE pulls out of sex, and then blames YOU for not putting out on the first date? I'm sorry, but that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. My best is that he does have some kind of psychological or physical issue with intimacy and he's trying to blame you to cover for it.
I don't think he sounds very stable and I suspect he's also being dishonest (though perhaps out of embarrassment rather than more sinister motives). I would tread very, very carefully with this - he doesn't sound worth your while.
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A
female
reader, janice201149  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Because no girl is at the right mind if she allow a guy to do things like sex on her at the first date.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 "Why do guys expect sex on the first date? but then if you have sex on the first date think you are a slut or easy and then lose interest?"
Because it's how we are programmed. We unconsciously divide women into three categories:
1 - not interested
2 - fine for sex but not a relationship
3 - relationship material
Trying for sex on a first date is a way of determining if a woman fits into category 2 or 3. If she says 'yes' then she's probably a 2. If she says 'no' then she moves closer to a 3.
This is a generalisation of course, and there are many many other factors.
I believe the reason for this is primarily biological: a man's DNA is trying to determine whether a woman is sexually trustworthy: whether she is a good choice for a 'high investment' family relationship.
A woman who has sex on the first date (or 'too soon', whatever that is), is perceived to be someone who may place the man in the ultimate genetic disaster zone: bringing up another man's child thinking it is his own. Remember that a woman always knows it's her child: the man could never be sure.
In today's world of contraception and increasing sexual equality, this is of course nonsense. But our DNA is hundreds of thousands of years old and doesn't 'know' about contraception or factor it in. If you want to understand how our DNA 'sees' the situation, you have to factor contraception out. A woman having sex on first dates with no contraception would be considered irresponsible by most. A man too, but much less so, historically at least.
To be clear DNA isn't conscious or making decisions: rather it sets of emotional reactions and feelings that encourage certain behaviour.
Probably not the explanation you were looking for, but there it is. There's plenty of long books on the subject if you are interested in the full explanation!
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