A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok,so i just started dating this guy. Granted I have been seeing him for almost two years, but we finally said we would try a "serious relationship". Everything was going good, up until a few days ago, when we had a date planned. So he calls in cancels, says he has to work the next day. I believe him, he has never lied before(or so i thought). Next day, im about to send him a message on facebook and there is some conversation going on about a party last night. That's when I found out he cancelled our date to go out and party. It made me furious, because I also know for a fact he didn't go to work the following day. I don't get why he lied. If he wanted to hang out with his friends, he could of just told me. One of the things he says he likes about me is how open minded I am, but if he really believed that he would know I wouldn't trip if he said he needed some time with his friends. Im not trying to come between him in his friends, Im not even made we didn't see eachother; Im just furious he lied. If we are just starting out, lying is not a good way to start. Now, I talked to my girlfriends about this and she said to end the relationship. So what am i suppose to say? I read you facebook? Lol. I really dont know what to do, how to handle it or how to even confront him. I would really appreciate if someone could provide me with some guidance please? And also can someone tell me why guys feel the need to lie? Because now im wondering how many more lies he has told me...Help please!
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 How can you call this a relationship if you don't have the nerve to speak your mind or confront him? Or even communicate with each other without having to hide, lie or cover up things to each other? Does your Mom run around hiding things or worry about speaking up to your Dad? - I'm thinking NO; 'cause then they wouldn't be able to be married - Right?
So hitch up your britches and march on over and have this out in person, a big 'ol messy fight with each other, face-to-face - no texting, no cell phone, no skyping, and find out if you are going to be truthful with each other or if you are going to kick him to the curb and get a better boyfriend. Stick up for yourself Hunnie!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Talk to him, tell him if he wants to go to a party or spend time with his friends its fine, you don't mind, but you would like him to tell you. There is a but though, if he does as you ask, you have to not to mind and don't start moaning at him because he wants to. It only works if you both stick by the ground rules. This doesn't mean that he can blow you off and see his mates whenever he feels like, if he has a date planned with you he should stick to it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 August 2010):
 He lied because he didn't want you to think you are not special to him. He feels ashamed that he would rather go to a party than hang out with you. Third reason, he has bad preconceptions about what a serious relationship is, he is afraid to lose his freedom so by lying he can go ahead and have his guilty pleasure. He knows that you won't be satisfied if the relationship doesn't go further but he's in a dilemma because parties and serious relationships don't mix. His friends are nondelibrately trying to suck him back into the lifestyle and he's afraid to be a wuss to turn them down, also he doesn't want people to tell him he's whipped by you. Hanging out with friends and going to parties are two different things. As long as people are trying to hang on to their mates by allowing them freedom to party, they are ripping themselves off when they could have a more devoted partner sensitive to their needs. Your girlfriend is right. I would have told you the same thing. So what you read his facebook. It's public information. People like to brag what they do. It makes them feel important and famous.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Talk to him, ask him to be honest. Just make sure you don't sound dramatic or angry, because he'll back off.
Just tell him you're OK with him hanging out with his friends, you totally understand his needs and such. Don't try to point out "YOU lied to me", YOU think I'm stupid" etc. Tell him "I feel bad because I thought you were at work". So this isn't about him, it's about you-- you're the principal subject here, try to lead the conversation in your favor. If you don't pronounce his name and if you don't address to him directly, he'll feel much more comfortable in this conversation and it'll be much more easier for him to talk about it.
Lying in a couple leads to insecurities. If it's his first lie and, hopefully, the last one, you could give him a chance.
But if he's the lying type, I'm afraid you can't do much about it, you can't change a person who spent his life lying over various (big or small) things.
If you're OK staying with a guy who's doing things that might "make you angry or sad" and preferred to hide you things or lie "for your own sake", it's up to you. This kind of persons cannot be honest and open enough, to handle a serious commitment.
Good luck!
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