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Why do guys act hot and cold? What's the point?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 January 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 January 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I don't get why guys act hot and cold. What is the point of being like this? Is this not a form of mind games? Don't get me wrong, I know it's just not guys who act hot and cold but women do it too.

I just get confused when this happens though :/. Surely if a guy blows hot and cold, he doesn't like the girl??

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (18 January 2012):

person12345 agony auntEither he doesn't like her or he's manipulative. Either way it's not good.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 January 2012):

olderthandirt agony auntMy "semi-educated' guess is; When hot he's wanting to seduce you...when cold, he's realizing the seduction failed and is the equivelant of pouting about it.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (18 January 2012):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntMixed signals are a way of men keeping women interested... so that they arent dead giveaways about what they truly think about the person. For some men they can do this naturally to attract women, for me it takes study and practice. It isnt necessarily a game, its a way of courting.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012):

That "hot and cold" idea is nothing but an excuse for a person to have their cake and eat it, too. They don't respect the heart that they are toying with. They want to make themselves feel good by being "needed" and to know they can control another person's life. Do not allow anyone to play games with your heart. That kind of behavior proves their character. You do not want to be involved with someone who will jerk you around. Might be a long time, but hold out for the respect of a mature man or woman.

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A male reader, LovelessAct1 United States +, writes (18 January 2012):

Like you said, its not just guys; plenty of women can be accused of doing this as well. Personalities differ based on the individual. Some, regardless of gender, are more frantic or non-commital when it comes to relationships and others are more classic romantics.

Why people do this is hard to pin down. My first thought would be that they have issues of committing to one person and enjoy the chase rather than the actual relationship. It also may have to do with them being hurt previously by an ex and become insecure in their ability to have a functional relationship, so they play the on/off game.

Its a mystery and it differs for everyone.

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