A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:And to make things more complicated, a fourth girl that is going to be there is the one I actually have a thing for and am hoping to get to know better at this social gathering.So "Girl A" is a good friend of mine; we've been friends for years during college and had both always been dating other people throughout the course of our friendship. After years of knowing each other, we both are finally single at the same time and I know she wants to be more than friends now. She said so herself one night after she had been drinking too much, but I doubt she remembers saying it. I do care for her a lot, but I know her so well that I'm confident it would never work out. We're way too different and I've known her long enough to see the sorts of problems she's had with previous relationships and its apparent that her and I would never click on that level, and I'd rather we just kept our great friendship."Girl B" I don't know too well, but we've seen each other several times at different gatherings/parties and what not. She's very nice, but just not what I'm looking for. She directly asked me out once when she was drunk at the last party we were at, and I (as kindly as I could) declined. I haven't seen her since, but I know she'll be there this weekend."Girl C" is another very nice girl who I just see as a friend, but according to someone else, she likes me. Much like the previous one, I haven't known her that long and don't know her too well, but I'm just not interested on a romantic level.Last, "Girl D" will be there, and I'm quite interested in her. I haven't seen her since before the Holidays (she's been out of state) but I've really been looking forward to seeing her again and getting a chance to talk with her a little more. She's very sweet, a bit shy, has great taste in music, is passionate about reading/learning, and has a gorgeous smile. Just thinking about seeing her again puts a smile on my own face...Its been almost 10 months since my last serious relationship that ended in heartbreak, and I finally feel I've found someone I'd like to really get to know. I think she may feel the same, but we haven't known each other too long and she's very shy so its hard to tell. Either way, I'd like a chance to see if we connect.Problem is, I'm afraid I'm not going to get that chance with all these other girls around. How do I find the time to get to know her at this outing, while avoiding a sticky situation?Thank you very much for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): Glad to hear it worked out for you! It's good that they handled it in a mature way and didn't get all silly. They may be a little disappointed but they'll get over it don't worry. You did they right thing being honest.
Good luck.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFollow up:
Everything went great! It felt as though we talked for hours and really got to know each other. I was really surprised, but the other girls didn't try to interject at all; I think they may have picked up on the fact that we were flirting and decided to just let us be, which I appreciated.
One of them (my good friend) approached me during the middle of the evening and asked if I liked this girl, which I admitted to. She then smiled and said she was happy for me. I'm not sure if she was hurt or not, but she had the decency to say she was glad and give me a sort of "blessing" between friends. I'm really thankful that she's as understanding as she is.
Thank you for your advice and for taking the time to listen!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): You shouldn't worry about what anybody else thinks, if we went through life caring about what other people thought we'd never to anything for ourselves. keep the conversation short with the other girls, just talk to them in passing, act like you have loads of people to mingle with. Then get talking to the girl you like. You need to do what is best for you, just be honest with them if they start flirting with you. It would be way worse if you were leading them on, its then that you would look like a player. After all you can't make yourself attracted to someone, it's all about how you let them down and in this case honesty is the best policy.
Hope it works out for you.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. I guess honesty is my best bet; I just don't want the situation to get heated or awkward. Like I said, I want to use this time to get to know the girl I like, not try and keep the peace amongst the others. I'd like to avoid any ill feelings or the chance of ruining a friendship, but I also don't want to spend all night worrying about everyone else instead of having a good time.
It is kind of humorous because all 4 of these girls don't really know each other. They just all happen to be coming to the same outing because of mutual friend connections. I just hope none of them drink too much and start saying/doing something that could compromise my chances with this girl.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Cripes! ... I wish I had YOUR "problem"!!!! I can't FIND 4 women to agonize over... and, if I could, I doubt I could get all 4 of them to the same place at the same time...
Count your blessings..... Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): Well aren't you a ladies magnet!:) You're going to have to just be honest, we respect that a lot more, then they can't say you are a jerk, because you're leading them on, don't waste time in convo with these girls, just be polite. If they girl all flirty just say, "look you are a nice girl but I don't see anything happening between us, because Im already interested in someone". It sounds harsh, but its the best way.
Then to get with the girl you want, smile at her and as the night is progressing approach her and start a conversation. Just keep it light about the party, to start with because she's shy, then ask her about herself and after talking for awhile ask her for her number.
Don't worry about the other girls, they'll get over it. Just be honest though in a polite way, they'll appreciate that and you'll stay in everyone's good books.
Good luck.x
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