A
male
age
30-35,
*rinceCharming
writes:The past 5 girls i have talked to, i have asked them the same question. What qualities do you like best in a man? Amazingly they all said as long as hes nice idk...... really? i have people tell me i am too nice , that im the nicest guy they ever met! Obviuosly none of them wanted anything to do with me :(. But my point is why do girls always say they want a guy with a good since of humor , we all no thats a load of crap.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KittenPaws  +, writes (9 September 2011):
Ok. Firstly, and I can't stress this point enough: Not all women want the same thing. We are all different?!Some girls want nice men. Some girls put a lot more thought and effort into figuring out what they want in a man.Being 'nice' is such a general point. Even if a girl does want a 'nice' man, that doesn't mean that she'd like ANY nice man. And who's to say what 'nice' entails?And even if a person is looking for any specific kind of character- nice, caring successful, whatever, what's to say that they won't fall for someone that isn't the embodied character of a list of prerequisite boxes? People fall for people every day. It's usually unplanned and unexpected. Looking for any specific character in a partner is usually well intentioned and it certainly isn't 'a load of crap.' However much it might be more of a daydream, it would be misguided to think that life and love can be planned out with a list of requirements.But I think that your motivation to asking this is more 'Why don't these girls like me?'And there are at least 5 different answers to that, and at least one more for any other girl that things didn't work out with.All I can say is; make sure that you treat every girl as an individual. Don't see her as 'the next on the list' and try to get to know people without making assumptions. Why not give some thought to what YOU are looking for in a girl; rather than thinking how you can be what someone wants you to be, start to figure out who you ARE and to become who you want to be.With any luck, that will develop a self-assured personality that draws people in, and sooner or later you'll catch the attention of someone you really connect with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Here's the deal. I like my guy to be nice to me and respectful to me, to be polite to our families (not a jerk to them,) and nice to children, loyal of character.However, I don't want my man to be a total push over. The man is supposed to be the strong protector IMO. He is supposed to be rough and tumble. He needs to be able to stand up to say, "I really think your idea isn't going to get you anywhere," but not in a jerk way, but a constructive criticism way. He also needs to say, "this is what I think about this and that's final." I don't want a man who is a push over. If other guys are in his face I want him to be able to tell them off.Also the good sense of humor is true only if the girl has a good sense of humor. Some girls don't, some guys don't. But what a person views as "humor" can be very different from someone else. One person may find that old show Frasier to be hilarious, while others find it dry. Others think South Park is hilarious, while others think it is offensive.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Women are naturally attracted to guys that make better gene donors than boyfriends when they are younger. Natural selection cares more about making people produce healthy offspring than it cares about making people happy in the process.
What do you expect women to do? Admit this kind of fundamanental "flaw" with their nature? It's never going to happen. Not when they can just blame men for being nice. That allows women to avoid responsibility for their part in their problems that were caused by their preference for alpha males.
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A
male
reader, Dreamland  +, writes (7 September 2011):
When women refer to a nice guy they probably mean someone who doesn't cheat, lie, scam, and also someone who treats them well and adores his girl. But make no mistake about, because if you're too predictable and always have this nice guy persona, women tend to get bored.
I have come to the conclusion that a lot of women are prone to developing this need to want to reinvent themselves after years in a committed relationship, even if everything is smooth sailing and they're with a nice guy. Be a nice guy, but don't stick to routines and predictable behavior because women will get bored with you.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 I am with a nice guy, and very happy indeed. the problem is that usually when girls are younger they really have no idea what they want. I know that I followed a lot of the relationship advice people who said make a list of must have's and must not have, and if I had followed them i would not be with my man now. Generally people don't really know what they want until they find it, that's just what I have come to notice in life. While my man is nice, he is also a lot more than that. He is funny, sexy, caring and thoughtful. Just because a woman says she wants a nice guy, does not mean that every nice guy she meets will be someone she is interested in, as there is a lot more to it than just that. I am sure you find the woman who wants you, because it just feels right. Hang in there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): I suspect your question isn't really about why women say they want one thing but then go for something else. I'm guessing you really want to know what women look for in a man, regardless of what they say.I suggest reading the married man sex blog (you can google it) Granted, it's geared towards married men, but many of the principles apply to single men and women as well.Basically, it's OK to be "nice", but you don't want to be a complete doormat either. If you have too many "beta" traits, you will probably attract more women if you develop your alpha traits. But, you don't have to give up your beta traits (roughly the same as "nice guy" traits) to do this.Try to be an assertive, successful, physically fit, self-confident person who is mindful of others, but is also mindful of himself. We all have at least some weaknesses, we are not perfect "10"s who can get anyone we want of the opposite sexs. Try to be objective about yourself and address your weaknesses as much as possible, but don't spend a lot of time wishing you could change something that can't be changed (e.g. height).
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Ah, you have to raise the bar for yourself a bit. A nice girl will want a nice guy, and even better: she'll know how to appreciate it.
You need someone with maturity, someone who knows what a shitty relationship is so she will know to appreciate a good one. Or someone who genuinely are nice themselves. In you age basket I am sorry to say you will probably have to wait a few years before you find a woman with enough life experience.
And don't forget, you normally want to be with someone who you fall in love with, and who you are physically attracted to. Being nice, a sense of humour, is the mental aspect of it. You also need to have the physical aspect of mutual attraction. There's more factors in the game than just "being nice".
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Well if you have spoken to 5 girls and all they can think of is that they want a nice guy, they really dont have a clue about dating or what they want, so you shouldnt listen to them!
I can give you a list as long as my arm with the qualities I want a man to have if I were going to date him, and 'nice' isnt a word I would ever use because it doesnt mean much. I think you have just been talking to the wrong people! Now I am a bit older than the girls you will be looking at, I'm 24, but still, here is what I look for in a man:
1. Can make me laugh. So yes you could say good sense of humour, funny etc...but if we cant have a laugh together, he is no good.
2. Attractive. I'm not shallow, but physical attractiveness is always going to be important. I'm not looking for a model, or a guy with a 6-pack, just a tall, dark and handsome man with great eyes and a great smile
3. Intelligence. Ideally he has gone to Uni, is knowledgeable, likes current affairs (i.e. knows what is going on in the news) and can have a good debate with me
4. Good manners.
5. A bit of an old-fashioned gentleman. Holds doors open, carries your bags...that kind of thing.
6. Generous. Not neccessarily financially, but someone who is generous with his time, affections etc.
7. Takes care of his appearance.
I could go on and on....but it should give you a general idea that girls want more than 'nice' and a good sense of humour, there is a lot that goes into it!
As CindyCares said, it is hard without knowing you to say how you can be 'too nice'. But generally, it is easy to meet girls and get them interested enough to go on a date with you, providing the girl is attracted to you and you are interesting.
If a guy approaches you, say in a bar, first things first - the girl will think am I attracted to him. So you need to make sure your physical appearance is as good as it possibly can be. Next comes the conversation - you need to show you are interested in her, by asking her questions. If you can make her laugh, that is a good thing. Funny stories from your life related to a topic you have mentioned is the easiest way to do this. Flirting is also neccessary - keep eye contact with her, smile lots, touch her arm gently, or if you are sat down together make sure you sit close so that your leg brushes hers...if you dont flirt and appear interested she is just going to think either you dont like her, or that you are just friend material.
I am about to go on my 3rd date with a guy, and yes I would describe him as a nice guy. But what makes him special enough to date? He is gorgeous for a start (dont know how I manged to get him!), well dressed, we have lots in common, he flirts so I know he is definitely interested in me, he is keen to take me out again and texts often, he is well educated, caring, thoughtful and is overall a fun person to be around.
Being 'nice' on its own is not going to cut it - you need to be fun, intelligent, interesting, a bit different to the usual guys that approach girls, exciting, thoughtful and attractive. Yes it is a lot to ask for but men are the same with women, they have a long list of requirements too! No-one wants the 'nice' girls either!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 Please define " nice " a bit more accurately.
What do you mean by " nice "- that you are polite ? that you don't do heavy drugs ? That you have never been in jail ? That you don't cheat ?...
Well, of course this is all good- but it's not nearly enough. That's the basic requirements , the bare minimum .
( some women do not even require this bare minimum, but that's all another story concerning lack of self respect ).
Being a nice guy is just the start, like bread when you make a sandwich , then you have to add toppings to make it interesting.
So yes, I don't think they lie when they say they want a nice guy. Only they - ideally - want a nice guy who is also more stuff, like sexy and exciting and fun ...
Not that I am accusing you of being boring, since I don't know you !
But maybe you can have a hard look at yourself and see if you can do something to add a little pizzazz, to stick out in a crowd of basically nice guys ...
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