A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He is wonderful and everything I have ever wanted. I have never been this content.This is why I am devastated and confused about my recent behaviour. An older male colleague of mine expressed some interest in me a while ago - he by his own admission stalked me a little to gain my numbers and get in touch with me away from work. I put a lid on this and explained it all to my boyfriend, who was visibly concerned by this story.I was at a drunken office party a few nights ago at which I was talking to the man again, and he was explaining his previous behaviour. My nature is to feel concern for people so I was upset at the fact I was having such an effect on him that he was about to leave his relationship - despite him knowing I wasn't interested. Instead of walking away I continued to talk to him and he became a little 'close' making obvious moves. I ignored all these but still didn't walk away.I don't understand the mans feelings as we don't know each other that well - only socialising twice a year usually. We don't even work in the same part of the office. Despite this he was so much more open with me than my boyfriend. I was shocked and panicked and drunk and didn't know what to do.At the end of the night I went my own way feeling completely down about what had happened. Then he appeared at my side. He had chased after me. He attempted to kiss me but I pushed him away explaining my relationship and how happy I was. However he was not going to let me go and there was a very brief peck of a kiss goodnight.He later texted me reading more into this than possible I texted him back saying it was nothing and I was not interested. I didn't know why he had kept my number but that he should delete it and forget all about me. He agreed to leave me alone.I still feel incredibly guilty - even though I was in a difficult situation I should have walked away. It made me realise how much my boyfriend means and it scared me. I do believe the other man has finally got the message though as I was quite blunt to him. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): You keep saying I "don't know" this or that. "I don't understand the man's feelings..." "I was shocked, drunk, and didn't know what to do.." "I didn't know why he kept my number..."Are you really that naive? At thirty something? C'mon now. You know what's going on. You weren't born yesterday. In plain english, he likes you and will stop at nothing. And you liked the attention so you let him "get away with it." You know this. But you are trying to justify your part in this by having this fake "oh I didn't know what was going on..." type of attitude and putting all the blame on him ("oh he stalked me..."), when in fact, you are BOTH guilty here. You LIKED the attention, otherwise you would have YELLED for your life when he grabbed you "against your will," and you certainly wouldn't be feeling guilty about it right now. But what's done is done, and it was not that terrible so just don't do it again, (that is if you want to keep being honest and RESPECTFUL to your bf). If you really love your bf, then, stay away from him. Don't talk to him. Next time he grabs you, YELL for help. Plain and simple.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Just put it behind you and don't give this other guy the time of day. You might want to take it easy on the sauce if you get out of control.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 If the other man comes your way again, tell him, in very concise and direct terms, that you are not interested, and that he must stop approaching you.
On the other hand, think why you didn't do this before.
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