A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,About 5 months ago i got dumped out of nowhere.We were together for 4 years and it was a really good relationship, we have real love, we did alot together, shared everything and our family's loved us both.Then all of a sudden she wanted to have a break for a few weeks and i respected her and we had a break, before we started the break she was crying and telling me she loved me so much and never wanted to lose me.2 weeks into the break she texted me saying she wanted to talk and i went to her place, we walked around outside and she told me she wanted to break up cause she loved me but wasn't in love anymore and something about the spark that was gone, i was broken but accepted it as it was.2 months later i found out she was talking to this guy long before she dumped me and she started dating him a week after she dumped me, she claims he came after the break up but i know he was there before, they had 2 dates and started a relationship after that.The funny thing is that i know this guy all my life and he's the opposite of me in personality and looks, i'm caring, sweet and will do anything for my girl and this guy is arrogant, stubborn, selfish and has a bad temper...He's what my ex doesn't need at all cause my ex is also stubborn, arrogant and selfish.They are in a relationship now for a couple of months and she trusted him in a week while it took me a full year to earn her trust.Just like with activities, we went to all kinds of places together in 4 years, holidays, movies, out to diner and more like that but her and this new guy did the same thing within a few months already.I'm in no contact for almost 2 months now and it's just weird that she just threw it all away without a clear reason and went straight to a guy who is clearly a docuhebag, 6 years older then her, didn't have a relationship for the past 8 years and was pretty much desperate for attention.She told me before i went no contact that she lives for the moment right now and that she's happy with him for now and that she doesn't really care for the future, her only reason for not coming back to me was that she has a new boyfriend now.She also has no idea how they will react to eachother cause they obviously don't even know about eachother how they respond to their own personality's.I know that they don't share a common interest, she like music festivals and long holidays to warm countries and he just likes to do sports all the time and even when he goed on holiday he wants to do sports.What the hell was she thinking? Throwing away something beautiful for a new exciting thing that probaly won't even work out...This probaly aint a rebound but does this have to do with the "grass is greener syndrom"?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): This is text book "Grass is greener"
here are a few key points that seem fairly universal to grass is greener syndrome (GIGS):
-roughly between the ages of 20-25
-relationship was over 2 years in length
-its almost like she had to create a reason to break up because a legit one wasnt there
-Break up seems to come completely out of nowhere
-less obvious, but the dumper will subtle try to make themselves out to be the victim, and worse yet you'll believe it at the time.
-"i love you, but am not in love with you" may be the most quoted line in any GIGS breakup.
If this is a case of GIGS, its important to know the dumper is in a sense on "tape delay" during the breakup, while the dumpee feels the effects immediately. What i mean by "tape delay" the dumper often wont realize what he/she lost until there are problems in their new relationship. once problems arise, they will be forced to compare it to their previous relationship, at this time they really for the first time deal with the original break up. this comparison of both relationships is to really see if the "grass is really greener."
This "comparison" can be early in their new relationship, perhaps at their first big fight, or it may be 3-6 months to a year down the road when the "honeymoon phase" wears off.
in studies that were actually conducted many exes had a chance at opportunist reconciliation, and i say opportunistic because in most cases the dumpee refused to take the dumper back, but the opportunity to reunite was there.
now my personal advice? go no contact. dont answer texts, delete her on facebook, just vanish. you will peak her curiosity, and make her sweat by taking away her "plan b" or fail safe in the case her new relationship doesnt work out. this no contact will also give you time to clear your head, and gain new perspective on if you really want her back. (as mentioned before once you see clearly most exes actually dont take the dumper back, because they realize what really happened). no contact will also take your mind off things and not force you to come to a PREDETERMINED OUTCOME if reconciliation arises. what i mean by this, is if you remain bitter that she left you there will be a 100% chance you wont take her back. if you sulk and feel sorry for yourself there will be a 100% chance you do take her back, both these outcomes were decided by clouded judgement. so go no contact live your life, when the opportunity of reconciliation comes knocking deal with it them, who knows maybe you will have met an incredible woman in that time and completely forgot about your ex while she is miserable. or perhaps you can once again fit her into your life at that point, only time will tell.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (27 July 2012):
 Well, there evidently must have been something lacking in your relationship with her, or she wouldn't have thrown you over. It's telling that she would say she loves you but isn't "in love" with you any longer.
As upset, angry, jealous and concerned as you are, you really have no choice but to accept her decision and to move on without her.
If she eventually finds that he is a bad choice, why then, your attitude ought to be "you've made your bed, and now you must lie in it." In other words, decisions have consequences.
Sorry!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 July 2012):
You won’t like to hear this but it sounds like your ex girlfriend is totally in love with this man, so much so that she either doesn’t realise, or care, that they are completely different people. You might think that it can’t work between then, and perhaps you’re right, but that’s something she’ll have to realise for herself. You need to back away and try to stop worrying so much about this, whatever happens between them, it is obvious that it’s over between you and her and you need to focus on getting on with your own life. You can’t have any influence over the choices she makes from now on, whatever your opinion of them.
I wish you all the very best.
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