A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This may be a funny question to ask but my wife got so mad on a trip we took to Mexico when we saw a woman laying out topless. Why is that? I am not the guy who makes comments about other women or takes long stares at them; I have always been very careful how I react to seeing things like this. I always make her feel like she is the only one I want and it is true. I don’t want any other woman she is the best thing I could have. (And no I did not say or do anything to make her uncomfortable when we saw her I looked away and walked another direction). Why does she think I would want something else, we started dating when she was 18 and I was 21 and never broke up or never went out on each other and now been married for 21 years. I have never been to a strip club or even to a place that would make her feel I wanted something or someone other than her. Please Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Holy Crow - you sound like God's gift to women. She's one lucky lady is all I can say. Make sure you tell her you have never, EVER, wanted anyone else since you've been with her. Tell her you know you wouldn't be able to perform if you were with someone else. Tell her to please, please, please stay with you always. Once in a while (not often - Please!) act a tiny bit jealous when she's talking to another guy. This will help her insecurities a little (or alot - who knows?)
A
female
reader, TeaLady +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Did you ask her directly why she was mad about it? Only she knows the real reason. It could be that she was feeling hurt or insecure or angry for any number of reasons. Maybe she thought your eyes lingered a little too long? Maybe she did not want to be there in the first place or could have used a kind word from you she did not get. I agree that it is not fair to be angry and not tell the person the reason. All you can do is ask and try to be sensitive and not defensive when she responds. One more tip...avoid seeing women other then your own wife nude.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (22 February 2011):
 You sound like a very good husband; all of us women should be so lucky to get a guy like you!
Ordinarily I would say that most people resent it when you bring up what you have done for them, but in this case I say you should try to remind your wife more often that you have been faithful to her for 21 years and have never been to a strip club. She could have wound up marrying one of the many, many other guys out there who aren't faithful to their wives and don't care about their feelings, right? You could try couching these reminders in a way that implies your wife must be a real catch of a woman to have gotten so lucky with a man. Thus you will flatter her and remind her how lucky she is at the same time. ;)
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (22 February 2011):
You don't need help. You just need to remember that women (and men) no matter how secure their relationship will always appreciate a heartfelt comment at certain times. When you saw that woman, and saw your wife was looking affected, you could have made a comment about your wifes body being better or something just to take the attention away from either the situation, or the feelings associated to the situation.
I don't know exactly, you know what would be the best thing to say and something that she would accept. I'll give you an example about me, this women walked down the street today with ridiculously long legs and barely any skirt and my girlfriend looked a bit takeaback, I cheekily said "wow i'm being blinded by legs!" then just playfully gave her a quick hug and said that she's got nothing on my girlfriends legs. My girlfriend seemed to like this, I guess it was because I was making fun and light of something that she was initially intimidated by.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 February 2011):
 She's feeling insecure, everyone feels insecure sometimes. Don't mention it again unless she brings it up. Very kind of you to look the other way. She's projecting her insecurity onto you. It's easier for her to deal with I think, if she can blame you for making her feel that way instead of her own body. Make an effort to swoon over her breasts and abs (again, don't mention the woman unless your wife brings her up) and talk about how gorgeous you think they are. She'll forget about it very soon. You sound like a good man, remind her how hard you try to not make her uncomfortable. I can't imagine she could possibly know this and not be feeling like the luckiest woman alive.
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female
reader, charitysend +, writes (22 February 2011):
Women are funny and unpredictable. I can say that 'cause I am one. Sometimes I get pissed over little things; sometimes I don't. I feel for my poor boyfriend, trying to make sense of it all!
She's insecure. You can reassure her as much as you want but she'll still be insecure. She knows her body can't compete in the looks department any more.
You're doing an awesome job. Keep it up. You may need to take a firm stand and tell her, "You are jerking me around. Do not do that."
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Try shock therapy. Take her in vacation to ,say , Sardinia or Ibiza- one of those Mediterranean beaches where 80% of the women are topless. There you 'll have to meet and see literally thousands of bare breasts every day - and in a week she will have either filed for divorce or become totally immune to the direction of your glances.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Yeah, your wife is nearing middle age and is self-conscious that her body doesn't look like a "barely legal" body anymore. I know that it's impossible not to look, but there's that split second between noticing and ogling, and she saw the intent look on your face. A topless woman in a place that usually isn't topless would have the same effect as a car wreck - the gawker effect.
Tell your wife that it would take more than some cheap breasts flying around in the breeze to make you ever consider someone other than the best woman in the world.
And say it very convincingly.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 February 2011):
 Ah, who's going to tell the French Canadian woman to put a top on, right?
It's like a train wreck, you can't help but look..Plus, your wife was guilty of looking as well!
I would just do a bit of damage control and tell her you weren't staring at the woman's breasts but you were baffled at the fact that she was topless on a top is a must beach. Then apologize for looking.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 February 2011):
 If it happens again, make a comment like "She should really put a top on. Nobody wants to see that."
Then again, that's admitting to noticing... Really, you're just boned no matter what.
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A
female
reader, katiebudge +, writes (22 February 2011):
 It sounds to me that she may be a little insecure about herself, but if you've been together and married for so long you may think...why is she insecure? but that is what girls are like, that is what humans are like. we constantly compare each other. im sure if there was a naked guy on the beach and she looked at him you may not get jelous but you may think, why did she look at him? and then we start questioning more and more about ourselves. but its what we do, she may have felt awkard and shocked to see a woman like that and may have just taken it out on you, but its so good to hear the way you speak about her. you should show her what you wrote on here, show her that you do only love her and show her that what she did has made you panic and write on here. just talk to her about it too. make her explain to you what upset her, you cant keep questioning it and making your own answers if you want to be sure you need to ask her. I'm sure its only something little.
I hope this helps
KatieBudget :D
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (22 February 2011):
 I'm with dirtball and first/last.This is about her - not you. You've been together for a very long time and sound like the two of you are quite happy together. People get their moments of doubt or insecurity, we're human. Has she recently gained weight or is she going through other changes that can happen mid-life?Even if she hasn't had those recent changes, maybe she just feels less attractive lately and it doesn't mean that you haven't done your part. People sense when other people notice them - or don't notice them. If she doesn't feel that she is getting the appreciation of being a beautiful young woman that she once was, she is likely feeling very insecure. While there's no way for you to "fix" that - the best that you can do is to simply assure her how you feel about her and that you find her beautiful. Make sure that she doesn't think that any flowers or chocolates or anything else are some sort of an apology - from what you've said you have nothing to apologize for. If you are of the sort to do so - a poem written to express your opinion of her beauty would along with a red rose would do nicely. Whatever you do - do it sincere - do it from the heart - do it to express how you feel and how gorgeous you find her to be.That's all you can really do in this matter - but one other side note - be prepared for her to ask things like "do you think these pants make my butt look big?" or to tell you why she doesn't feel attractive. It sounds like she's at one of those points and remember, it is about how she feels about herself that is causing her this issue. You can't change that - you can only let her know how you feel.Best of luck and love.; )
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo it was not a topless beach it was not a place to be topless but I think the woman was from Canada French and no one else was topless but her. I did not ogle at her just saw her at the same time my wife did.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 February 2011):
Did it happen to be a topless beach you were at? If so then the topless sunbather was well within her rights and your wife has no room to complain.
Did you make a comment or even look, glance, ogle, peek at the topless woman?
You probably stole a glance and your wife caught you. Women/wives/girlfriends get ticked when they catch their significant other looking at another woman. I'm guilty of it too, we just can't help it. It's due to a woman's many insecurities. The thing is women look too.
So try not to get caught next time, perhaps look at your wife when her eyes zone in on you to make sure your eyes aren't roaming.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the feedback and no she is not still mad she just was mad at the time we saw the woman and for a short while after the trip was just a few month ago but we are going back in 6 month and it is more likely to have several females topless at this place. that is what im trying to get help with cause we love our trips there.
And i do text her and tell her how sexie she is all the time I have gave her no reason to be this way (for real).
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male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (22 February 2011):
 "Why did my wife get upset when I saw a topless sunbather on a beach?" What was her answer when you asked her this? How long ago was this trip? Is she still "so mad"?
"never broke up or never went out on each other and now been married for 21 years. I have never been to a strip club or even to a place that would make her feel I wanted something or someone other than her." Maybe you might want to remind her of this more frequently than you are right now. If she is still "so mad" maybe back up your words with actions such as texting her in the middle of the day 'hey sexy' and buying her some lingerie and chocolate.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 February 2011):
She's insecure. Remind her that you cannot control what other people do and that her being mad at you for this is misplaced because you love her and hadn't set out to oogle boobies that day. As long as you weren't caught staring, you've got a good case.
It would probably be a good idea to remind her why she's the only woman you love, and how sexy she still is to you, even after 21 years of marriage.
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