A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why did my friend do this? am I overreacting?So a couple from our church was getting married and my friend told me about it and I was really looking forward to it and she's close to the couple so she said she'd let me know when the wedding is.I found out on instagram that the wedding was yesterday. and she attended and no it wasn't invites only.Omg. I'm hurt why didn't she tell me?:( I asked her she said thought I knew. She lied cause she's the one who told me about it and said she will let me know so we could go together.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 @ eric troy : " sad " ? sad is a big word. Don't you ever forget anything ?... then you are a lucky excepetion, I have been blessed genetically with an excellent menory, and still , every now and then , I happen to forget something that I had promised myself to do.
Even " worse " ? ... So the very very bad thing, would be not having considered the full impact of the OP's disappointment and mental anguish over.. not having been able to go see the church wedding of , basically,two strangers. Aquaintances, at best, since she had not been invoted or even told by the happy couple.
I am afraid that, unless the OP had specified as this event was of pivotal importance for her, many people could have been guilty of the same slight, or sin of omission.
Yes, sure, undeniable: Friends should be true to their word , and carry on what they promise. If they say I'll show up at 7, they should not arrive at 7.20. If they say , why don't we go catch that movie on Saturday, they SHOULD be of the same mind once Saturday comes around and not say , oh no I'd rather go to eat pizza.
But.. we are all human, and fallible, and imperfect, and distractible , and liable to get caught up in our own more pressing preoccupations. Moral, there can be light , run-of-the-mill screws ups with friends, and that does not deny either the friendshup in itself or the positive feeings we have for them.
Those who NAIL their friends to anything they say, even for minor stuff, or stuff which can in good faith interpreted as minor even if subjectibely is not- might be loyal , responsible, even commendable people, but rarely they make the most enjoyable kind of friends. And often they end up with making a void around themselves.
People do not want to feel as if " call you on Sunday " is a sacred covennt and a moral imperative that if broken has some important, sinister meaning. Then , if one always has to be sure to cross all the t's and dot all the i's - least they should provoke some emotional melt down- it's not friendship anymore, it's like WORK.
So , I would not say our OP to " suck it up ", because there's really not much to "suck up." I'd just tell her that , if something is of the utmost, vital importance for her, to make it inequivocably known and clear and agreed upon officially. All the rest ( 80 percent of stuff ?..75 ? ) , not suck it up, but just...lighten up !,definitely. Sooner or later , SHE will forget something and involuntarily piss off somebody.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 July 2014):
 I know many places you can show up for the church ceremony to ANYONE's wedding, but you obviously do not know the bride or groom that well, so I'm not sure why you are so mad.
If they were GOOD friends or even good acquaintances they would have told you.
And I agree it is NOT your friend's place to invite you to someone else wedding.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): Unfortunately, someone didn't want you there. Maybe it was the couple (or one of them), or your friend. Either way, don't sweat it. The next time you see them, just offer up your congratulations and say that you're so sorry that you missed it. Be gracious. No sense in acting all crazy or placing blame. That will just make everyone uncomfortable and ensure that you'll be excluded again in the future. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt though. Mine would be too :(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 July 2014):
What do you mean it wasn't invites only ??!!.
EVERY wedding is invites only !, in the sense that people can't be so presumptous to invite whom they want to another person's wedding ! Just, not done. Only the bride/ groom get to say : you come, you don't come.
If you just mean that you would have liked to SEE the public marriage ceremony in the church ( which is OK, since the church belongs to you same as to the people who's getting married ) next time be a bit more proactive. Yes, your friend should have reminded you, - she did not. She may have forgotten, or she may be telling the truth, she assumed you were going to be informed from other sources, or that you were going to find out yourself ( not that didfficult in general, church bans are public ) since you were so interested.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (6 July 2014):
 Did the Bride/Groom approach you at any point to tell you about the wedding or invite you?
How close or friendly are you with the married couple - or do you just go to the same church?
I understand that it was not invites only, but it was not your friends place to invite you to someone else's wedding.
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