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Why did he hide a new girls number??

Tagged as: Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My partner took a girls number at his new job and never told me (i checked his phone seen the messages in the deleted box) - he knows that it would cause arguments if i thought he was in touch with someone new.

I seen his phone bill lying around and he was texting her all the time i wasn't about like before bed etc. Then i noticed the number was deleted but replaced under a guys number. So I thought id ring it to be sure (a month after seeing the bill) but now it says number not recognised - maybe she changed her number but don't know why - maybe he was hassling her or she got fed up cos he has a girlfriend. Don't know what to do next cos it seems like i've missed on the opportunity to confront him about this... And it is annoying me so much to think he was hiding something. What should i do?

View related questions: has a girlfriend, text

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntOkay, take the number down and then confront him with it. Ask him who's number it is! Tell him you know he must know as it's on his phone bill. If he doesn't come up with an answer then tell him you're going to call it to find out (even although you know it can't be reached any more - it could be you've missed out a digit so check that with his phone bill first.)

The threat of you calling the number might be enough for him to own up about it. Tell him you're not worried about it, you just notice that he's been calling it very frequently and wondered who it was but have the number in your hand (take a note of it somewhere else in case he pulls it off you or rips it up) and say "then you won't mind me calling it then?"

Hopefully this will do the trick and he owns up about it.

Eve

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

Wendyg agony auntHun the trust was broke in this relationship the second you looked in the phone to check up on him. What made you do that ? Was he acting differently ? Something made you doubt him, or was it just plain old insecurity ? How do you know it was a work collegue if he didnt tell you about the number ? Or is that he mentioned a new girl and then added the number, I think in which case, why tell you her name, why tell you someone new has started if he wanted to get up to no good ? The sedcond he told you a new girl started your down his phone like a whippet, hun where is the trust... Now im not being harsh, but the wrong assumptions are all to easy to make in this situations...

The thing is if we dont learn to trust we lose the thing we value the most... If you say to him I went down your phone, blah blah and found out this etc etc... and ask him his reason, etc it shows straight off you do not trust him.... and you could have blown this way out.. Now there is nothing to say that this is not innocent is there ? You say you saw the messages, Im guessing its all pretty normal as you dont mention them to be rude or flirty... Now the reason it may have been replaced with a guys name could be that its a work phone ? The new girl may have had it.. they changed it over ? it has now been disconnected so maybe the contract is up ? There are loads of things this could be..... but straight off you think he must have hounded her and she blocked him, or hes added it somewhere else... where is the trust hun ? The reason he hasnt told you about the number for the girl, is because he knows exactly how you would react... a guy shouldnt be made to feel that he has to have secrets.. Now im not saying its all innocent, he could be doing this planning to cheat... but where has it got him so far ? The number doesnt exist... You cant assume that every girl he talks to he is going to cheat with ...

I could be wrong he could be a total rat hes cheated on you and now what ? Fact is hun you dont know, hes possibly not told you to protect you, ie,if he doesnt tell you this new friend exists and hes chatting to her then its one less thing for you to worry about...

I dont see how your going to confront him as its going to lead to a row, as hes going to feel snooped on, rightly or wrongly... but Maybe go with your Gut... What does that Tell you... you know this guy, you know what hes like... Is he trust worthy ? and this one thing is just becuase your feeling insecure, or is he a love rat that would go out of his way to cheat on you ? Only you know, if hes not the cheating kind, then give him the benefit of the doubt, otherwise you could lose a whole lot more than your temper.

Take care x x

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi

Who ever invented mobile phones has a lot to answer for, dont you think?. Yes it has helped to get people to stay in touch when they need to, but i wonder if this has been out-weighed by all the torment they cause.

Really and truly, you may never know what he was up to. It could have been perfectly inocent. But we all love to jump to conclusions about our dreadfull lying partners dont we?

For some reason, texting causes more trouble between loved ones than anything else. You only have to read through a few of the letters on the Cupid pages.

I cannot advise you not to question your B/F to much, but its not impossible you are jumping the gun.

Try to keep your calm, until you actually have proof against him, theres not much else you can do.

And if he has been behind your back, then it will be up to you to end it or not.

Best of luck and remember, everthing happens for a reason.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007):

you could still ask him about it. dont go in guns blazing accusing him of cheating but you have seen the bill and have proof he was texting her a lot and the fact that he stored her number under a guys name is very suspicious to me. he wont be happy that you went through his phone and his bill but you deserve an explanation. it sounds like he's cheating and you deserve to know. good luck x x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007):

Sounds like he was thinking of cheating or about to. My ex was exactly the same and if you think by snooping on his phone and bills to get some evidence that he is/was cheating is a good idea, wait. This will only drive you absolutely insane with jealousy, anger and you could end up really hurting inside. I'd break up with him and try and find someone new. Once the trust has gone in a relationship then it's very hard to re-establish, and you will always be on your guard and suspicious of every call, text message etc. No one can have a relationship like that you have got to have trust, it's paramount.

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