A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend split up with me on friday, blaming me for the majority of problems in his life, and being quite cruel about me as a person. I told him what I thought of what he said and left it at that. It is now tuesday and I get my first contact off him since then, asking how I was feeling ( I hadn't been well at the time) and if I was back at university yet. I replied like most people on here would probably suggest, I was feeling ok, I didn't go back to uni till next week and that I hoped he was ok. Straight to the point.However I have sat mulling since why he actually texted me, considering he talked so bad about me on friday it doesnt make a lot of sense.What do people think, and how do I carry on from here. I do still love him dearly but also feel very very hurt by the way he acted.
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split up, text, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thank you for all of the answers, I have tried not to take too much from it ( him regretting what hes done etc) cos I have a feeling Ill drive myself mad first.
I didnt want to ask for an apology just yet as I wanted to see where he went on his own and whether this was just mind games or not, also my friends and family suggested asking him for an apology or telling him to get stuffed or whatever would show how hurt I was and that I was feeling this bad over him ( something Id rather avoid plus its not really me to behave like that)... so particular thanks to andy on that front as I followed that advice to avoid me getting into sticky situations.
Id also like to ask why im here if people think I was right for replying as I did. Ignoring him completely again is not me and not how I behave but sticking to completely unemotional replies seemed the wisest option from my point of view so I just wondered what everyone thought.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 He sounds unstable, and potentially abusive. Also, he might just be texting you to line you up for the sex he misses (if you had sexual contact).
If you do let him back in, go slowly, as his behaviors could get violent. Blaming you for all his troubles? Is he that much of a loser?
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Sounds to me like he is missing you, thinking about you and wondering how you are. Perhaps wondering whether you're feeling as hurt as he does (even though he's the one who was nasty).
Perhaps he's found the feeling of REGRET?
Quite common to split by having some HUGE row then only to regret ending it and getting in touch with a "how you doing? hope you're ok".
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (8 January 2008):
 I don't blame you for analyzing this. Analyzing things usually isn't a great idea, but whenever you are nursing a broken heart it is so easily done, and I frequently do the same. I propose that you try to keep calm, and not to think about WHY he did it. If you think about why he did it, you come up with a number of circumstances and they usually aren't right.
You have every right to feel hurt by what he said, in which case, as much as it's difficult, my advice to you is; Don't contact him. Certainly not before he contacts you. If you don't contact him, it shows him that you are strong, and trying to get your feet back on the ground. Also, it does you a world of good, because if you don't tell him anything about what's happening in your life just now, it shows that you are healing, and that you don't NEED him, healing yourself.
As I say, it's so much easier said than done, so in the mean time, do things that you enjoy, talk to your friends, and just generally stay active. Doing this will help you through this difficult time. Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): I think this is learned behaviour, you have allowed him to talk to you in this way.
Your reply should propably have been along the lines about asking for a apology first.
Good luck
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