A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So The times that I have gone to my boyfriends apartment, I have seen around 3 or 4 woman stuff laying around, on the bathroom, I saw a black eyeliner, closed kotex pads, thrown in a corner of the bathroom, there was also like two shopping bags from womens clothing stores thrown in the floor with a bunch of other bags and random stuff,they had stuff inside, but I don’t know what it was cause I did not check, he was to close by,I asked him and he told me that his ex Gf used to live there with him for some time and then they had broken up and she left to another state.I suppose they broke up in 2013 but,I have no clue, we have been together almost 3 years, in the beginning of 2014 we started going out,,I have been seeing these items since the first time I went to his apartment.but at the end of 2014 I saw the 2 bags, he has such a mess in that apartment that honestly I dont even know if those bags where there before and I did not see them. I don’t know if this excuse believable or not, but sounds sketchy to me, why would he keep all those things laying around since forever in there (I do admit he is very messy), but it does not make sense, he should have thrown them away LONG time ago, when she left or something. The times that I have gone, their always there, and the other days I saw a shopping bag I had not seen there before! I wonder if these bags where left there when the ex left and he uses them to put clothes in them or something?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 Maybe you should help him throw her stuff out and maybe suggest he is less off a slob! Good luck with that, I didn't realize people actually left items lying around for years like that. So strange!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 April 2017):
 "Why are those women items still laying around?"
Because your BF is a total SLOB! For crying out loud he hasn't cleaned his place in 3 years? GROSS!
Since it's more or less the SAME thing laying around I don't think there is another woman in the picture at all. Having a plastic bag from a "woman's store" doesn't mean a WOMAN left it there. Could have gotten stuff from a friend or his parents IN that bad.
I think you need to decide if he is WORTHY of your trust or not. If he is, stop second guessing thing and when you see stuff at his place that isn't yours and isn't his, ask him:"hey do you want to keep this old eyeliner?" and if he says: "no" then TOSS it out.
If you don't trust him after 3 YEARS!! End it and walk away.
Seems to me like you are looking for a reason to break up. Maybe?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 They broke up 2013 its now 2017 and he hasn't cleaned up once for at least three years.
Ewww!
Is it safe to assume he is better at personal hygiene than he is at keeping his home clean? I'd be mentioning the women's items and asking him if they are there for sentimental reasons or does he have some future craft project in mind.
If you and he have been going out for nearly three years we can also assume your relationship is serious. If you are planning on living in the same house/space as him sometime in the future it might be a good idea to find out if he is capable of cleaning up after himself or if he is always going to be content living in spaces not cleaned for more than three years. Will you be able to live like that?
It could possibly be time to tell him to clean up his act.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): Instead of forming all sorts of suspicions in your head, how about suggesting that the guy clean his messy apartment?
If you see evidence of another female's presence and he hasn't hidden it; it's because he's just untidy. He doesn't mind remnants of his past lying around; but out of respect for you, they should be removed. Just because you haven't seen it before, doesn't mean it wasn't always there.
If you don't smell traces of perfume, find panties on the bedroom floor, lipstick or makeup on his clothing; or long hair in the sink; what you've found is old news.
You're a suspicious and insecure person, and your relationship isn't likely to be long-term. You're too busy searching for evidence to hold against him. You have some serious trust-issues to contend with, my dear.
If a woman used to live there, she likely did all the cleaning. She marked her territory upon her departure, it's pretty common. "Let every bitch hereafter know I was here first!!!" It's rather cliche, but effective! Seems she left in a hurry or a huff! She wanted all the other females to follow to wonder if she's still there or really gone? She's delightfully evil! Isn't she? She knows he's messy and untidy and too dumb to realize it. I guess going through his phone,tablet, and laptop are next!
Seriously?!!
Insecurity and the lack of trust kills relationships!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (2 April 2017):
 Why don't you offer to help him have a tidy up of his apartment and throw these items out? Then if anything new appears, you know for a fact it is new and not something which you have just not noticed before.
Bottom line though, sweetheart, you either trust him or you don't. If your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite as it appears, then listen to it.
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