A
female
age
30-35,
*irstTimeOnlineDater
writes:Hi Everyone!I am single and have joined an internet dating site. I met this fellow, let's call him Mr.M. Originally we organised a date for the week after we met, but it just so happened that our work gave us the same day off before the schedueled date. He asked if I would like to go for a coffee. By the time we met up, we found that only bars were open. We decided to go for a drink instead. We got along really well and he told me that he usually wouldn't drink with a girl on a first date. Call me old fashioned but I don't like to kiss on the first date. After a few hours of drinking and getting along really well I asked him if he would like to go to the bottle shop and continue at my place. I made sure to make it clear that I am not the type of girl to kiss or sleep with someone on the first date. He slept on the couch and I felt really great because he wasn't sleazy and didn't try to make any moves on me even though we were drinking. 2 days later (we have been txting each other a lot) we organised a second date. Mr.M is a chef and had a friend's wedding to cater for the night before our second date. He was very cute, sending me messages apologising for not txting me while he was at the wedding (I wouldn't expect him to anyway, he was out at a friends wedding). Our second date was yesterday. He was a little hung over and I was exhausted too, so I invited him over to my place. We watched a movie, took my dog for a walk, had dinner at my favourite resteraunt, and then went home and watched TV for a while. He left at midnight as we both had work the next day. I walked him outside and he kissed me on the cheek. We then looked into each other's eyes and I could tell he wanted to kiss me and I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't want to make the first move and potentially scare him off. He asked me out on a third date yesterday for Thursday this week as we both have a day off. We decided to go for coffee like we orginially planned for our first date.My question is... Is it ok for me to make the first move on our third date? Did he not make a move on the second date because I told him on our first date that I'm not the kind of girl to kiss just anyone?Do you think the fact that he want's to see me again and that we have been texting each other every day is a good sign?I feel like if we don't kiss on our third date, I may be putting myself in the "friendship zone". I really really like him and would like to know if he likes me romantically.Who should make the first move when going in for a kiss? The girl or the guy?
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female
reader, FirstTimeOnlineDater +, writes (14 April 2013):
FirstTimeOnlineDater is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate time! Things have been going really well between Mr.M and I. Since my last post, we have made our relationship official. He has also introduced me to his friends (Who are really nice and consist mostly of married couples).Our sex life is amazing and being together in general has made me wonderfully happy. We have spent almost every night together for the past two weeks. He even has his own toothbrush in my bathroom (He bought it over). I am falling for this guy and can't get him off my mind.Things have been going at quite a fast pace which I'm not used to.My previous boyfriends were younger than him and also not at the stage of life where marriage and children are on their minds. He told me from the start that he is looking for someone to settle down with, so I'm guessing that I might be the kind of girl he wants because I don't think he would enter a relationship with someone who is going to waste his time. Apart from my natural gitters about being in a new relationship things are going better than I could have imagined. One of my work mates were shocked that things have eventuated so fast. I know the same thought has crossed my mind a few times before. What do people think? Is seeing each other almost every night (except for tonight) too much? Usually I would say yes, but it feels so natural. I really really like this guy, and I don't want to screw things up by seeming too available. But I love that he always says what I'm thinking. I'm always thinking about him, and I love it when he asks if he can come and see me at work or before work or after work and how he seems to be thinking about me all the time too.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 I wouldn’t bring it up. Sadly for most, sex does not change anything. The time to ask for exclusivity is before you are sexual. You are wanting to close the barn door after the horse is out and about.
Now you just have to wait and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, FirstTimeOnlineDater +, writes (4 April 2013):
FirstTimeOnlineDater is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again!
I wanted to give an update, and it's a great one :D
Yesterday Mr.M and I went on our third date, we had lunch for 4 hours and he picked up the bill which was almost $100.
I have never met a guy so sweet, we couldn't stop talking even though we have spent pleanty of time talking with each other on previous dates.
After lunch we went back to his house and talked some more, watched some movies and then I had to go home to take care of my dog.
He waited for the train for me and when it came I kissed him first and he kissed me back at least 4 or 5 times while we were saying goodbye.
It was wonderful, he sent me a message when I was on the train explaining that he had wanted to kiss me since he first saw me and that he is shy when he really likes someone and he was so happy that I made the first move.
Later that night we were missing each other, so he came over to my house. (I am 24 and I own my own home, so no housemates to annoy us- He has a lovely place that he rents with a housemate. He is 30, so he is a little older than me). He told me not to meet him at the station because he didn't want me walking alone at night. Just in case. Awww, that was adorable. I really like the fact the he is a little protective of me.
When he came over, we watched another movie and cuddled on my couch and talked some more before going to bed.
We slept in the same bed and started kissing, one thing lead to another and we ended up going all the way (SAFE sex of coarse!). It just felt right. We had an amazing time in the bedroom together, and we cuddled all night long after that.
This morning he had to go to work, I walked him to the train station (we live pretty close to each other), he held my hand and gave me cuddles while we were waiting for the train. He is coming to stay again on Sunday night and he is going to cook. The joy of dating a chef :P
While I was walking the short walk home he sent me a message saying: "I miss you already, I can't wait until Sunday.. Have an awesome day! xoxoxox"
To which I replied: "I miss you too, I don't think it's possible to have anything but an awesome day after last night ;) xoxo"
Our fourth date will be on Sunday night, obviously things are going well. Really well, that first kiss opened the door for everything last night and we both feel smitten with each other.
My question to you agony aunts and uncles is:
What happens now? I really like him and I want to be his girlfriend.
Does the exclusive thing get discussed on the fourth date, considering our story?
Is it better off left unsaid?
I would be happy to take myself off the dating site if he asked me to, but I guess I don't want to get my hopes up.
Any thoughts on how and when to bring it up with him?
I know I haven't chatted to anyone but him since our first date. I wonder if he's done the same?
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A
female
reader, FirstTimeOnlineDater +, writes (4 April 2013):
FirstTimeOnlineDater is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again!
I wanted to give an update, and it's a great one :D
Yesterday Mr.M and I went on our third date, we had lunch for 4 hours and he picked up the bill which was almost $100.
I have never met a guy so sweet, we couldn't stop talking even though we have spent pleanty of time talking with each other on previous dates.
After lunch we went back to his house and talked some more, watched some movies and then I had to go home to take care of my dog.
He waited for the train for me and when it came I kissed him first and he kissed me back at least 4 or 5 times while we were saying goodbye.
It was wonderful, he sent me a message when I was on the train explaining that he had wanted to kiss me since he first saw me and that he is shy when he really likes someone and he was so happy that I made the first move.
Later that night we were missing each other, so he came over to my house. (I am 24 and I own my own home, so no housemates to annoy us- He has a lovely place that he rents with a housemate. He is 30, so he is a little older than me). He told me not to meet him at the station because he didn't want me walking alone at night. Just in case. Awww, that was adorable. I really like the fact the he is a little protective of me.
When he came over, we watched another movie and cuddled on my couch and talked some more before going to bed.
We slept in the same bed and started kissing, one thing lead to another and we ended up going all the way (SAFE sex of coarse!). It just felt right. We had an amazing time in the bedroom together, and we cuddled all night long after that.
This morning he had to go to work, I walked him to the train station (we live pretty close to each other), he held my hand and gave me cuddles while we were waiting for the train. He is coming to stay again on Sunday night and he is going to cook. The joy of dating a chef :P
While I was walking the short walk home he sent me a message saying: "I miss you already, I can't wait until Sunday.. Have an awesome day! xoxoxox"
To which I replied: "I miss you too, I don't think it's possible to have anything but an awesome day after last night ;) xoxo"
Our fourth date will be on Sunday night, obviously things are going well. Really well, that first kiss opened the door for everything last night and we both feel smitten with each other.
My question to you agony aunts and uncles is:
What happens now? I really like him and I want to be his girlfriend.
Does the exclusive thing get discussed on the fourth date, considering our story?
Is it better off left unsaid?
I would be happy to take myself off the dating site if he asked me to, but I guess I don't want to get my hopes up.
Any thoughts on how and when to bring it up with him?
I know I haven't chatted to anyone but him since our first date. I wonder if he's done the same?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
I think you can go in for the kill... (just kidding)
sounds like if you don't make the move he might.
no hard and fast rules... you are an adult... if it feels right do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): He kissed your cheek. This shows that he probably wants more than friendship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 April 2013):
 You can make the move, and I'd suggest breaking the ice before the end of the date and making the move in the middle of it. I'm guessing given the right romantic setting, both of you will have making the move on the mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Make the move! Guys are quite simple creatures really. From experience i reckon women are more analytical. We then to think then over think then discuss a situation when guy usually just reacted to how they're feeling. If he wasnt interested he wouldnt keep texting you and meeting up with you. He's not making a move because YOU said you dont kiss on the first date and stuff. Kiss him. If the moment's is right, make the move! Good luck! :)
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