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While we had broken up she slept with someone else....and I can't stop thinking about it. Help!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 August 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend and I had a bad break up with no intent to get back together. While we were broken up, she thought I did not care about her and I thought the same as she did. we became started talking to each other between our break up, but very brief. Now it's been 6 months since we have broken up and we fell in love all over again. She told me that while we were not together, she had sex with someone . She did not think that we were getting back together and neither did I. She said she feels bad about it. We have talk about it and have decided to move forward with each other.However, even though we were not together and she was free to do what she wanted to do, and we thought that we might not get back with each other, It still bothers me. I've been trying to tell myself that its ok but I can't stop thinking about it: Was it to early? can I live with it? Is That what caused her fall for me again? should I forgive and try to forget?(even though she was free to do what ever she wanted), or should I not worry about it at all because she never been with someone when she was with me? She loves me and I love her.

Should I forgive and forget and, put it away and move forward?

Is it really a problem at all?

I need someone to give me his or her opinion.

thank you.

View related questions: fell in love, get back together

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A female reader, a spades a spade United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2009):

i agree with above, she didnt really do anything wrong so you;re gonna have to just move on.

but i would ask myself if i'd rather not know. there are advantages to both sides. she was right to be honest, if this came out later on and you knoew she hadn't said anything you'd be mad and probably want to know why she'd hidden it from you.

it sounds to me like she was trying to wipe the slate clean.

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A male reader, Pyroshadow United States +, writes (15 August 2009):

Hey Man,

I know it sucks, it really really does. Sometimes you need a break to move apart and really understand that you miss someone.

It seems like breaking up might have been the wrong thing to do. But it happend, so you couldnt expect her not to be with anyone else.

You should try to put it behind you and move on with her. You really dont have anything to forgive her for. She did nothing wrong. You have to first learn to see that she didnt do anything wrong here. Then you can really put it behind you and be happy.

Best of luck.

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A female reader, \m/J.D\m/ United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2009):

\m/J.D\m/ agony aunthun you were not together at the time, and had no intentions of re starting the relationship, you need to remember that. she was honest with you and thats the main thing to remember, she cares about you enough to tell you and thats a good thing! she had nothing more with this guy, shes happy with you she wants to rebuild your relationship, i kno its hard thinking about it but dont! make the most of what you have now and forget about it. the past is the past thats what you need to be thinking. dont let what went on while you were apart ruin what you have. take care. jd x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

Some people believe in telling their partner everything they get up too. Some do not. Which would you prefer? I would suggest she is no difference of behaviour than anyone else.

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A female reader, pepper27 United Kingdom +, writes (15 August 2009):

pepper27 agony auntHi Hunny

You two broke up with no intentions of getting back together, She has told you the truth love she could have said nothing..She loves you enough to tell you the truth and try again. What is there to forgive? I think that if you really love her forget this put it all behind you and just be happy the two of you are back with each other and happy once again. Good luck love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXX

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

I know how you feel, but you have to move on, and forget about it; stop making it an issue, or she will be sleeping with other people besides you if she keeps feeling bad about it/you. This can develop into an obsessive compulsive thing. However, are you also curious, maybe even turned on, about her experience? Was it a one night stand? Is this someone you know? This might play into your feelings of resentment? Do you wish you had a sexual experience during that brief time and, as a result, jealous she did?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

What's to forgive? she was single when she slept with someone. As forgeting only you know if you can do that, but I think you'd be silly if you didn't at least try. It shouldn't be a problem.

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