| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now. He lives about a half an hour away from me, and I have to use my mother's car so we end up seeing each other a few times a week. A couple nights before we made it official, I got drunk with a friend at a bar, and I ended up having sex with a guy I didn't know. Finally back at her house I called my now boyfriend at 5 in the morning because I saw he had texted/called me. The next day it was tearing me up inside, and after some advice, decided that if he asked I would be completely honest with him. A week later, he asked. I told him the truth. He told me that he had already assumed what I was doing, and had sex with a girl he has known for years but they weren't exactly friends. She is married and is now his neighbor.I have had my share of bad relationships, and I would never cheat. He has also been hurt in the same way, and says he would never do that to another person, I believe him. When we are together we are for the most part happy. Sometimes, more so with him, it's seems more of a jealous rage, an accusation fest of things that haven't happened, and arguments of me trying to prove my case. He checks my phone, and my facebook, which I don't mind if it helps to put his trust at ease, but it doesn't. I tell him everything and don't hide anything, even if he doesn't ask. I do have my doubts sometimes, but that's because of my past, I feel I trust him a lot more than he does me. Arguing about nothing is tiring. Being accused of everything in the book because a person not even saved in my phone texts me, which I obviously can't control, is even more tiring. What my question is, I guess, how we can put it all behind us and move forward? I could see myself marrying him, but not if I will have to spend all of my time defending my case. Any word of advice is appreciated! For the ones that I know are out there, don't post if you are going to judge and insult me for having sex. I am an adult, I make my own decisions, and you do not know me.Thank you in advanced!
View related questions:
drunk, facebook, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Neither of you are ready, and you are missing a big point.
You were not official at the time you did this, still not a good excuse.
Sounds like you have an alcohol problem as well.
No fidelity can withstand alcohol abuse.
"He told me that he had already assumed what I was doing, and had sex with a girl he has known for years but they weren't exactly friends. She is married and is now his neighbor."
He had sex with a married neighbor. Which means "no respect of marriage", not theirs, not his own. Keep that in mind.
A
female
reader, Freyja  +, writes (9 December 2011):
If you want to make this a serious relationship, you need to sort out the trust issues. Without trust it will NOT work.
You may have to accept however that he might never trust you and take it from there. You should not have to justify yourself by opening up your Facebook, mobile etc, but it speaks a lot for how you feel about him that you have. Talk to him? Will he listen to reason?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): You may have to see if you can get by without trust.If you expect you may stray occasionally, that of course gives him reason not to trust you.And if he thinks you might be straying means he will pop nextdoor for sex, you cant trust him.if you can put this incident behind you, come up with some ground rules and then when both of you are happy make it a closed subject. in particular when you are rowing, try to make it something that cannot be brought up against you in future.not so much something you never speak of, but something that you worked through, solved together, and moved on. you cannot keep on being judged over and over for the same crime, it is unreasonable.you have opened up your private communications for him to inspect (facebook, mobile etc). you have gone some way to demonstrate that you are aware that there is a lack of trust and have offered allowing him to check up on you.if he feels that he has to bring it up all the time and he wont stop judging you and being jealous perhaps you may have to downgrade him to a casual partner.
...............................
|
