A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, about 5 months ago now, and I was completley heart-broken. Shortly after the breakup, I hooked up with a co-worker. I told this co-worker from the get-go that I wasn't interested in a long term relationship as I had just been dumped by the love of my life. Also, I knew I would be moving for university and that I wanted the relationship to end then. I made it very clear that if he let his feelings for me grow, he would end up hurt. I didn't want to hurt him so i made it VERY clear that all I wanted was a rebound relationship(sex). He told me that he understood and so we began our friends-with-benefits "thing".However, 5 months later(currently), I'm still in love with my ex, but my co-worker has fallen in love with me and when it came time to breaking it off before I moved, he announced he was also moving to the same town I was....So now I feel trapped. He says that I should at least try to make it work between the two of us in this new town, which I said yes to because A) he's sweet and I don't mind spending time with him, and, B) One time, I said no to trying again with a different ex and he threatened to commit suicide. But I'm not in love with him! And I don't think we have enough in common for me to ever be in love with him. So am I the bad guy for even starting this, even though I made clear what I wanted in the beginning? Do you have to be in love with someone in order to be in a relationship with them? can love and a relationship be mutually exclusive? Where did I go wrong in starting this 'rebound' relationship?
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female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (23 March 2012):
 No matter what "ground rules" are laid down, in the begining, friends with benefits does NOT work. One person always ends up falling in love, and if the other one doesn't follow suit, then there is real trouble. You have a pretty serious problem on your hands if the guy is following you to the town where you're going to school. You need to sit him down and remind him that you said in the beginning that you were not wanting a relationship.....and that he said he understood. Staying with him is going to make things ten times worse, later on down the road, when you finally do meet "Mr. Right". You're going to have to break it off completely, he needs to move on.
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (23 March 2012):
You wrote:
B) One time, I said no to trying again with a different ex and he threatened to commit suicide.
Not sure where this fits in. Anyone who threatens suicide is too mentally unstable to have any kind of relationship with at all. Do you think this guy is like that?
No matter how many qualifying statements you made to this guy, it is a danger of all relationships like this that someone is going to fall in love. So he loves you, you don't love him. You are just using him to continue this.
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